Whats it like being a happilly married Catholic?

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I want to be happily married to a devout practicing Catholic someday and just curious to hear some good news from happily married Catholics. Most of the marriages I know people seem unhappy or talk bad about marriage or why its stupid. I don’t want to end up unhappy like them. What advice is there in what to look for to increase the odds that I select a good wife. My dad claims that people change and you can never know if you’ll get a bum deal.
 
Married for four years, we volunteer for pre-cana at my parish, and as a lawyer I’ve done a few divorce cases. What is it like being happily married? 1. We don’t do anything to purposely upset the other spouse. 2. We assume the positive intention. 3. Lots of sex.

For example when my husband comes home, I can tell he had a bad day and was in traffic. I don’t go off on how bad my day was or how the meal is cold and the kids are driving me up the wall, instead I just warm up dinner and we eat. It goes both ways, it called being nice.

People forget how to be nice in marriage.
 
Hello!
My experience with choosing a marriage partner, is I didn’t. God did. I had gotten to a point in my life where I was fed up with my own choices, and one day I prayed to God and told Him that if He wanted me to marry, He’d have to pick the man because I flat didn’t know what I was doing! I wanted to be married so bad. I also asked God that if I wasn’t to be married, could He please make my instinct for a marriage partner to quiet down so it wasn’t ruling my life. So. Then I met my present husband. We have a beautiful marriage. He was Catholic, I was not. I was in recovery from some pretty bad 12-step groups.:o I followed him and became a Catholic. We put God in charge of our marriage. We are very active in our church, and this is a dream come true. We’ve been married for two years. I know as long as we put the Lord upper most and in charge of our marriage, it will work out and last. It’s hard to explain, but I can feel God’s presence and blessing in our marriage. My suggestion is that you pray to God about it and let Him choose your partner. You will know I think. God has ways of letting us know. I’d be sure that a potential partner goes to Mass and celebrates the Eucharist. Hope this helps and good luck!
Sue
 
We will be married 42 tears in November. Being pre-Vatican II catholics we take marriage as a sacrament seriously.
 
I have a wonderfully happy marriage of 28 years. We met because when I was a lonely 20 something, I prayed that I would meet someone who needed my love. In a manner of months, an exuberant, outgoing young lady boldly introduced herself. The main keys to our happiness are, keeping God in the relationship and service. I remained a faithful Catholic, she returned. We choose to serve each other. She taught me that one, as I can be rather stubborn. She told me much latter that she promised God that she would do everything in her power to make me happy.
 
Want to increase your odds of selecting a good wife.

Step one: Pray for her. Yes I know you don’t know who she is but still pray for her. Also pray that God’s will be done. Let Him be the matchmaker in this case.

Step two: Work at your own holiness. Place your relationship with God first. Be a godly man. Be all that you can be. Being comfortable with your self is very important. Self-confidence is sexy.

Step three: Don’t go “looking for love in all the wrong places”. Remember you are picking out the mother of your children. (and she is picking out the father of hers)

Step four: Associate with and take advice from people who have good marriages. (you may want to move this tread to the family section) Marriages take effort. There are good times and bad times. Love is an action, not a feeling. In a good marriage the partners love each other even when they don’t feel like it.

Step five: Choose carefully.
 
Others have stated very well about being there for each other and that sort of thing, so I won’t belabor that point.

Your father was right–you can’t predict what another person will do. Things can go seriously wrong in a marriage because one of the two screws up big time or becomes seriously/chronically ill.

This is where your vows to love and honor “in sickness and in health, for better for worse” really kick in. Such situations are where we learn to trust in God more than in our feelings for one another.

Patience is needed in a good marriage more than feelings of love, which come and go. That and respect for the other person and forgiveness for each other’s failings. This does not include being put into physical danger. And any spouse that is consistently abusive in language, that bullies and threatens should be kicked out until s/he learns better. Sometimes a bit of tough love is needed in marriage just as it is with the rearing of children.

I should add that my dh (dear husband) and I have been married for 20 years and have had lots of ups and downs. But our determination to love and forgive each other as God would have us do has made them the best 20 years of my life.
 
I thought I’d better amend my post a bit in case it came across as too bleak a picture of marriage!

The other thing that keeps a marriage going strong is a good sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at your foibles, then you will have a hard time living with another human being.

God bless you as you explore the option of marriage for your life. Just trust in God and in your own good sense and you will do just fine. 👍
 
If I could just add something. Before I came to an undersanding of my faith I was of the worldly view thinking that my happiness was the most imortant component of my life. This view feeds on the widely accepted concept of; when things go wrong you simply bow-out and find someone to start over with, or elect to go it alone (single). The problem with this way of thinking is that when things do go wrong or sour, and they most assuradly will, it becomes like a snowball rolling down a mountain. One feeds off the other. There can be an excitement factor in the idea of starting over. When one feels unhappy or trapped thier mind can start fantasizing about another life. The excitement of this fanasty can add fuel to problem that initiated the fantasy. In other words it becomes a self-fulling prophecy.

This is where I became humbled by the truth of the doctrine of our faith. “Till death do you part”, “in sickness and in health”, “for better or for worse”. These are not simply words that make the wedding day a bit more emotional and sweet. They are words to live by. They are promises to God. They challenge your integrity.

Think about it, if you take these words to heart and live by them, never allow anything to allow you to walk away from your promises, then your life and marriage holds much more promise to be a happy one. I went from one extreme to the other. I saw the truth of the teachings of the church in action. Totally disallowing any other option to enter my mind other then “till death do us part”, brought us back to a loving and fulfilling relationship. Seems so simple really, simple and logical. Funny thing, truth and logic being on the same page.

I think you are setting yourself up for a much better then average chance by doing just what you are doing. Finding a woman of the same morals and faith. One that will mean every word of her vows. I happen to think your father is more wrong then right. Of course he could prove to be right in the long run, there are no guarantees. But sure sounds like you are taking the right approach.

Good luck and God Bless
 
We celebrated our 25th anniversary last month. When we married we took our vows seriously, although I was terribly immature and selfish.

Over the years my husband was patient and loving and he was the glue that held our marriage together. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for ME. God knew what He was doing when He plopped my husband into my life, and it was my own father who pronounced, “THIS is the right man for you to marry.”

Ted and I have nearly identical family/religious/educational backgrounds, and that was a great help.

Now I am more mature in my faith and in my marriage, and my husband has returned to the Church (after being an agnostic for a time). Our marriage is so strong that it surprises and delights us – we pray for each other, serve each other, and love each other.

And our physical expression of our marital vows has never been better.

'thann
 
I am a happily married Catholic of just 15 days! I second what the others have said on this board. Find a woman of similar values and morals. God needs to be the foundation of your marriage above all else. Pray about it - you might want to ask St Raphael for help. I prayed to him for help in finding a spouse 3 years ago and less than a week later I met the woman who introduced me to my husband. One thing that both of us have agreed has made our marriage stronger is that we were chaste before marriage. We couldn’t rely on sex to keep us together or cover over our problems. We had to confront problems head on and connect only on the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional levels. I doubt we could have done this if we’d had sex before the wedding. It made all the difference in the world. Find a woman who is willling to be chaste, and you’re alread off to a great start. How many of those people you know who are disillusioned with marriage were chaste before marriage? How many of them are religious? Secular, amoral marriage is obviously going to be a disappointment - you don’t sound like you’re going to have that problem.

Good luck!
 
It is work and trials and tribulations and joy and satifaction.

Complain but do not criticize. There may be things that you want done differently, but never personalize the issue or cut down your spouse. Marriage is a partnership and as Jesus taught, never exalt yourself.

Find time for yourselves and teach your children about love by living it.

Remember to love your spouse as Jesus loved us.

Peace
 
Lots of warm fuzzies already mentioned. So I will give a few others.

Marriage. I have been married for a little over 3 years. Marriage is a sacrifice. If the couple wants to be holy, then marriage is a great avenue to be perfected in holiness. Self-lessness is a crucial point. Both parties need to want to help the other in ways of holiness, then much of the “****” that secular couples go through will not have to be encountered as seriously. My point, if both couples understand that holiness is the call for all of us, then the little things will unite the couple rather than split the couple. Children are also another factor in stepping outside of yourself.

Also, remember that the world has other plans on what makes a marriage work. For instance, we are in therapy (good Christian therapists) but the therapists have different ideas of making marriage work. For instance, as a couple we spent a good 2 weeks finding out if we will use contraception after our next birth. Gracefully, the Lord provided us to understand at least to the point of realizing that contraception will not help us. So temptations do creep into the family, and I ask St. Joseph protect us from other temptings.
 
I have been a happily married Catholic husband for 20 years. As I reflect on our marriage, and the lives of the couples around us (including many who are not happily married or Catholic), I would say that being a happily married Catholic means:
  • not having to stress out over contraception, abortion, IVF, and other matters that hinder peaceful cohabitation;
  • not having to go to two different churches, or alone to one church;
  • not debating which faith to raise the children;
  • not debating whether to give or not to give to the church and other worthy causes;
  • having recourse to prayer in tough times
  • having support to resist workaholism; putting family first
I could go on and on. My wife and I see the compromises so many people make because one or both of them are not Catholics, or are not applying their faith to their marriage.

You asked a wonderful question. May God bless you.
 
I’ve been happily married for 7 years but only been a Catholic for 1 year … Prior to getting married we had already discussed all the things that would be and wouldn’t be though so there were no surprises about where we’d go to church or how we’d raise our children.

Something we learned at the “Engaged Encounter” weekend recommended by the priest to did our wedding was from a lovely older couple who’d been married for quite a long time –

They explained how, in the very early stages of their marriage, they decided to always try to be “Life Giving” to each other – For instance, he could be watching the ball game or he could be ‘Life Giving’ and go help with the dishes for 5 minutes before he settled down in his tv chair … They always try to make this ‘Life Giving’ exchange as often as possible and when one sees the other as not being very ‘Life Giving’ they could call them on it –

Well Patrick and I thought this was pretty cute, but maybe not practical … little did we know that well over 7 years later we’d still be calling little “Now Dear let’s be ‘Life Giving’!” To each other as we go about our daily chores.

For the past 7 years we’ve supported one another, taken turns caring for children and handling the house work, encouraged one another in our vocations and learned more about the Catholic faith than I could have imagined existed when we first got married …

It’s been grand! –
 
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SocaliCatholic:
I want to be happily married to a devout practicing Catholic someday and just curious to hear some good news from happily married Catholics. Most of the marriages I know people seem unhappy or talk bad about marriage or why its stupid. I don’t want to end up unhappy like them. What advice is there in what to look for to increase the odds that I select a good wife. My dad claims that people change and you can never know if you’ll get a bum deal.
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For me, the answer is simply God. My wife and I both converted to Catholicism this year, pissing off countless people especially in her family. Why would we do this, and how could we be happily married in the middle of it? Simply. Both of us take our relationship with God very seriously. If he says jump, we jump. And, as it turns out, he says much more than “jump”. He also says, “honor one another”, and “submit to one another” etc. Our marriage would be just as subject to the troubles of countless others in this culture. But, if God comes first and your spouse comes second, and everything else is a distant third, one’s priorities will dictate that everything will, by God’s grace, work out. So my advice: pick a Catholic woman who loves God with her whole heart, and one who subscribes to all the Church teaches. And marriage will still be work, but it will also be all that God wants it to be.
 
I can only quote what most everyone else has said here. Thing is, it’s my own personal experience as well! I didn’t “choose” my wife, she was given to me as a gift from God; and only after much prayer.

Remember to be nice, she really is a delicate flower no matter what she shows on the outside. Making little daily sacrifices for your spouse goes a long way to honoring God, especially when you keep in mind that He sent her to be specifically with you ~ as His ‘vocation’ for her!

BUT, even when God sets His hand to your marriage, that doesn’t mean the hard part is over. Marriage is hard work on many levels, especially when life starts getting in the way (consider the Seven Deadly Sins). You must be open and honest with eachother; always ready to ask forgiveness, and more importantly to give it without being asked (in your heart and actions, not your words) {never forgive a woman verbally without her first asking; chances are you have made some error but have yet to see it for yourself. This would cause a huge fight!}. And from a mans perspective, if you are not “demanding” in how things should be - little or big - and treat her as your equal in ALL things (as God intended) then you can prove your Dad wrong.
Yes, people do change - so change together, as a couple!

Mi Amore` and I have been through the grinder and back again, but we always end up together. This I believe is Gods will, because I have gone against the advise I’ve offered above on more than one occasion. So first, last, and all times in between ~ pray for your wife, marriage, and family; and more to the point, pray for yourself to follow in St. Josephs footsteps of Father and Husband.

So to answer the question bluntly, being a happily married Catholic is the most joyous and blessed experience I’ve ever had or could even begin to dream of having. She has been the one who helped me to grow both personally and spritually. I wouldn’t ever choose to be anything but my Wife’s Husband!

VIVAT JESUS!
Rob
 
Maybe it is just a misunderstanding, but entering into Marriage is a free act. I choose my husband, being Catholic, prayer, and staying away from men who wanted to take advantage of me made it easier finding him.

My girlfriends are really nice, but nice to the point the the wrong type of guy tries to take advantage of her and she is kicking herself after 3 months in a dating relationship. To find a good Catholic spouse, sometimes you got to be a btch (secular term) to the wrong type of guys. I remember rebuffing selfish advances from guys when I was younger. The first thing they would call me was a btch. Like I would want to know a guy who would call a women that. My husband saw that in me, that I stood up for myself.
 
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hermit:
We will be married 42 tears in November. Being pre-Vatican II catholics we take marriage as a sacrament seriously.
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Congratulations! God bless.
 
In response to the question, we just passed our 24th. And tomorrow I will have been a Catholic 1 year.

I think, in reflection, the first 23 years would have been better if I had been a Catholic when we started. I just said to my wife after Mass this morning, I can’t believe that I missed it for 46 years.

We have had a rough week, living in Peterborough, Ontario with our basement flooded, and losing a vehicle to the flood and a host of other stresses over and above the normal. By week’s end we were snapping at each other.

But we recognized our failures and went to Confession this morning. I know I needed forgiveness. And the Mass was more moving than usual. The Gospel reading came from St. Luke where Jesus was teaching the Apostles how to pray and he said “Ask and it will be given you.” We both realized that was the one thing we had forgotten in the commotion, and we talked about that after Mass, how when you seek God and wait, he speaks and if you are listening the answer is there.

It is great to have someone who believes as you do, to pray with, to laugh with, to carry the burden of life with. Like others have said here, and I have tried to illustrate with a slice of life, marrying a practicing Catholic is the first key to it.

Perhaps the first thing is to try to clear out everything you’ve heard or read in the pop culture about marriage, and that isn’t easy, and then go to the CCC and read about the sacrament of marriage as a starting point. And listen to people like Hermit, because after 42 years they have a lot of sage advice. In this day and age, those people are gold, and approached the right way most would be happy to give practical thoughts.
 
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