Some people are never going to have the ‘Dr. Phil’ moment you described. That’s okay.
Forgiveness isn’t the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation is more about making peace w/your life and this situation…Not everyone hugging and kissing and getting along.
This is about you dealing w/the reality of your dysfunctional family. Not everyone grows up with great models. (My husband and I can both attest to this reality and have very limited relationships w/our families).
As someone else said, “forgive, but don’t forget.” Great advice! If it gives you peace not to be involved with their lives, then don’t.
I still think that you need to set up a meeting (or do the e-mail) and let them know that you don’t want them contacting you ever again. Be nice/respectful. Don’t be a jerk about it. Just explain that you aren’t interested in having a relationship with them considering how they treated you in the past.
It really isn’t about them, at this point. It’s about you being clear w/them about what you want your relationship with them to look like.
Sadly, your silence on the issue is being taken as consent. That’s why I can’t tell you to ignore it because ignoring the e-mails and Facebook requests isn’t making them stop.
If you want the contact to stop, then you are going to have to directly ask them to stop contacting you.
I get that it’s easy to click “delete” and ignore it, but ignoring it isn’t making the e-mails/Facebook requests stop. That’s just reality. It’s also reality that you don’t like how you feel when you see another request or e-mail from them. You don’t like the memories it brings up and you definitely don’t want to deal with it.
Would you rather keep living in fear that these e-mails/requests will keep popping up randomly or would you rather stand up to these people and tell them that you aren’t interested in their e-mails or any relationship whatsoever? Ignoring the problem keeps in you in a weak position. Dealing w/the problem head on puts you a position of strength.
I think it will be very empowering for you to stand up to them and assert your right to be left alone and be treated like an adult.
Keep in mind that adult relationships are based on mutual consent. It’s different that an adult/child relationship, where the adult is in a position of power and the child is dependent on the adult. You are now an adult and their equal. You have the right to stand up for yourself and your desires.
Jesus doesn’t want us to live in fear. Jesus was never afraid to deal with situations as they were and told people the truth, regardless if the other party wanted to hear it or not.
Jesus doesn’t ask people to be a doormat if someone is emotionally or physically abusing you. Remember the church annuals marriages where a partner is abusive towards the spouse.
Of course, pray for the situation. Jesus would want you to pray and work on forgiveness. Just remember forgiveness is a process and you will probably have to forgive them over and over again before it becomes a reality.
Good luck to you. You can never go wrong following your instincts.
