Whats Ok and What's Not Regarding Marital Sexuality?

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ack said:
Plenty. Marriage is about more than just sex. You’re married; you should know this.
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Certainly not saying it is just about sex, but it is pretty interesting what the Pope has to say about Human Sexuality. See above.

“John Paul II also says that if the only reason a couple is having sex is to transmit life, then they may be in danger of using each other rather than loving each other (see Love & Responsibility p. 233).”
 
Some foreplay (NOT to the point of climax) is allowed between one act of vaginal intercourse and another, such as during the fertile times for NFP using couples, or from one day to the next for other couples. But this must NEVER EVER result in a climax for EITHER spouse. It also must not continue to the point where it would make it difficult for a spouse to not continue on to vaginal intercourse, or be tempted to sin through masturbation or other grave faults. Each couple is different and many couples will experience that they simply cannot have any genital contact outside of vaginal intercourse, as it is too stimulating and arousing. Others will find that it can be tolerated in moderation, and helps the couples to look forward to the next time where they can be together fully.
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This does not strike me entirely correct with what I have read in other (reliable) places. I can’t remember where and what I have read, but I do know that a couple has to be careful with misusing sexual pleasure outside of intercourse (and I am talking about when the couple has no intention of completing the act). Here is a question from AAA that is relevant: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=8536

BTW, I’ve seen ugly debates on this subject on here, and it is not my intention to satrt one, but I did feel the need to point it out since it is relevant to the original subject.
 
**This is quoted from EWTN’s Q & A forums, the NFP section:

**nfp
Question from on 09-14-2007: Did I read your answer correctly, that it is ALL RIGHT to engage in foreplay, while keeping yourself “under control” and not following that with sexual intercourse? Are you for real? When did that become Catholic teaching? If you’re engaging in “foreplay” with no intention of having sexual intercourse, wouldn’t that be out of control already? Thank you. Answer by NFP Outreach on 09-20-2007: Not necessarily.If both husband and wife are not aroused to the point it is difficult to stop (presuming they are not intending intercourse) then foreplay is a legitimate expression of mutual affection.
The Church has always taught that sin enters into such acts when it ceases to be an expression of affection for each other and becomes uncontrolled lust and exploitation of the other. Even when intercourse is intended–the spouses need to enter into such an act as a mutual gift.
Now, not every couple can “control” themselves sufficiently for such foreplay becuase it leads to uncontrolled lust. Others who may be able to control themselves on one day cannot on another.
Couples need to come to know themselves and then make the proper prudential judgments.
Foreplay in and of itself is not sinful.
Many times, some teachers in the Church wanted to simplify the instructions by forbidding the act itself because it is easier to say that and make things clear rather then to talk about control and intentions. But, officially, the Church always taught what is described above!
Thanks for writing.
 
OK, here is what I am trying to say. For me, foreplay is always a part of intercourse, its preparing the bodies for the culmination, I mean even the definition of the dictionary says: “n. Sexual stimulation preceding intercourse.” (American Heritage Dictionary). Sure there may be some forms of affection that are used both in and out of it, and that would be correct for a married couple to use at any time (you know, unless it causes them to lust etc, but in general), while incorrect for an unmarried couple to use, but that does not seem like foreplay to me. Now, there is some activity appropriate to foreplay that I cannot see how it would be appropriate outside of it, even if the couple does comply with the two requirements you presented, 1. Not Climaxing 2. Being able to control themselves without the need to continue or temptation to masturbate.
I still think there is activity that would comply with the above but fall under lust or misuse of sexual pleasure, not due to the lack of control, but due to the higher level of sexual intensity being used outside the marital embrace. The catechism does say: “Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.” Without intercourse it cannot be procreative and unitive.
 
How do any of these teachings apply to a couple in which one partner is a Catholic and one is not?? Suppose the non Catholic is the man and he does not believe oral sex is a sin, does the Catholic wife commit sin if she engages in the act with him to avoid conflict in the marriage?
 
Oral sex is not a sin as long as it is done in the “context of the act” meaning that the couple engaged in full vaginal intercourse either before or after. It is an acceptable means of helping a woman acheive climax. I understand that it is also okay for the man, as long as he doesn’t reach climax (ejaculation and/or orgasim) outside his wife. That being said, it cannot be forced upon one or the other, especially since sometimes oral sex can be demeaning for one or the other unless it is approached in a loving and self-giving manner, and received in such a way.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
**The husband ALWAYS (unless he has some particular health issue) climaxes during vaginal marital relations. The wife, most times, does NOT. **
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CuriousInIL said:
Where did you get these (wrong) ideas?
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Convert_in_99 said:
What is wrong about them? :confused:

**Many, many women cannot climax during vaginal intercourse. **
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  1. You cite no support for them.
  2. In your second post you do not even attempt to support the “husband” overstatement.
  3. While many (I will even give you many, many) women have that issue, that is not support for your earlier “wife” overstatement; many many does not equal most.
 
I think the way a couple should perform intercourse or foreplay is their own god giving business. If a man is satisfied how his wife makes love to him then it’s fine, if a woman is satisfied how her husband makes love to her then that’s fine. I was surprised to see such cahootey about how to climax, and who gets to climax first et cetera. If one needs foreplay then foreplay it is. I mean come on, we’re not better than muslims who actually have to make sure their derrieres are not facing Mecca.
 
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