Non responsive reply snipped.
God Bless,
Alan
The answer must be “NO”, you were not subjected to severe abuse and neglect at the hands of your caregivers while growing up. Since you are a foster parent for children with a variety of significant problems, you get to see and experience first hand the negative impact this has had on them.
And if the children stay with you for significant lengths of time you also get to experience first hand how such a child, when they have an adult whom they can trust and shows them love, is a very significant aspect of learning to cope with the past trauma and heal.
So when looking at a group of adults and trying to determine what is wrong with them (below the surface situation such as homelessness) I would think that you would be a little more compassionate since you foster parent abused and neglected children. You must realize that many children don’t get such an opportunity to be taken into a home and shown trust and love.
Child services was called on my family when I was a child. This was the mid 70’s. My parents were given ample warning before any home investigation took place. They moved my wino grandmother who was verbally and physically abusive to me out of the house prior to the inspection. My mother also cleaned up the house. I was instructed by my parents not to say anything about my grandmother or anything about any abuse.
I remember the woman meeting with my mother in the kitchen for probably an hour. Then she asked if it was OK to speak with me. I said yes. She asked to look at my back. No strap marks, end of conversation. End of investigation. A short while later grandma was moved back into the house. I’m guessing that the system of child protective services is a bit more comprehensive nowadays than it was in the mid 70’s. Based on my behavior at school (not making eye contact with anyone, not speaking at all) should have raised someone’s eyebrow that something might be going on at home. Fortunately things are different today.
Moreover, when I was 12 I was taken to a child psychologist for ‘hitting my sister’. What actually happened is that we would fight over the TV remote control. I was a boy and was older than both my sisters so I would wind up with the remote control. However I never hit them. Actually I was the one who took the beating in the process of stealing the remote from them as they would kick me and punch me while I worked to grab it out of their grip. One day one of my sisters would up hitting her head on the corner of a table while we were fighting over the remote control.
So I see this psychologist. I tell him the best I can as a 12 year old that my mother is crazy (I had some insight into HER behavior by this point, she would bribe me with money and candy to hide the mail from my father before he got home from work, I eventually figured out she was putting the family in debt and hiding credit card bills from my father. This guy sent me to see someone else. He told me about the option to live with another family. I asked, crying, if I could meet them first. He said no, explained it didn’t work that way… I would go to such and such a place at first and then wind up at some families house. I remember crying in his office, asking if he would take me home and if I could live with him (he was one of the few people who showed me concern, affection, etc). He said that wasn’t an option. I went home with my parents and got into more trouble for spilling the beans to the child psychologist I was sent to under stupid and wrong circumstances. (of course what I did was wrong, but the climate of the household, and the ‘real’ abuse came from my parents and grandmother. It was mostly directed toward me.
And since I had no one to show me love and care I lost all hope, withdrew into a shell, and went deeper and deeper into that shell through my teenage years. By adulthood I was a basket case.
So people’s circumstances vary and the appropriate steps to take to assist people depend on understanding their circumstances rather than casting a broad net over large groups of people like ‘the homeless’. This is simply repeating neglect and is not helpful, particularly when done by people who resent them for living off of tax money.
It’s misplaced anger to be upset with the homeless, welfare people, etc. Would you get angry at people for showing up to collect $100 bills from some group handing out $100 bills? If they were told they were entitled to these $100 bills, would you be upset if they developed feelings of being entitled to these $100 bills? That is silly and misplaced animosity. If you want to be angry at someone/some group, be angry at the people handing out the $100 bills (that are taken from people without their consent) and re-distributed in this fashion. Getting angry at people showing up for goods and services helps no one and changes nothing for the better. And in all likelihood makes the situation WORSE.
I expect more from you since you are a foster parent of abused and neglected children. I will pray for you.
God Bless,
Bill
