What's the best place to meet guys?

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SomeCatholicGuy

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OK, first of all, I’m a guy, so obviously I have no idea. I’m asking this question, because a relative is not having much luck meeting datable guys. She’s the one that I usually go to for relationship advice and such, so I would like to help out if I can. For those of you who are more knowledgeable than I on this topic, what can I do to help? She’s not particularly religious, so I’m thinking going to church is not an option. My biggest worry is that she’ll settle for someone who’s not good for her, which I’m beginning to see signs of. She’s also feeling the pressure from her parents to settle down and start a family. I told her that it’s her life, and she shouldn’t feel pressured, but at the same time, I can see where her parents are coming from. I think she does indeed want someone in her life, but there’re so few guys that want the same things that she does. I’ve even suggested online dating to her, but so far she’s not budging at all on that one. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
 
Well if she’s not particularly religious… what IS important to her?
Healthy lifestyle? Join a running, biking, or skiing club.
Politics? Get involved in local races.
Sports? Find a fan group…

See what I mean?.. Decide what’s IMPORTANT in her life, and find a forum where she can meet others who also find that to be important.

I met my hubby at church… so I practiced what I preach. 😃
 
Em_in_FL said:
Well if she’s not particularly religious… what IS important to her?
Healthy lifestyle? Join a running, biking, or skiing club.
Politics? Get involved in local races.
Sports? Find a fan group…

See what I mean?.. Decide what’s IMPORTANT in her life, and find a forum where she can meet others who also find that to be important.

I met my hubby at church… so I practiced what I preach. 😃
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Now that’s a good question. Let’s see. I think she likes hanging out with friends, going out to restaurants, wine tasting, hiking, things like that. She tries to eat healthy, but she hasn’t been to the gym lately, given that it’s getting cold and all. I don’t think she’s particularly interested in politics. I think the most important things in her life are her family and friends. She has a nice job that she likes, and she’s 5’7/5’8 and pretty fit. I don’t know why she’s having trouble finding guys. The last church she’s been to was a Lutheran one. I thought I was on my way of “converting” her a while ago, but it turns out that she believes in reincarnation, so that’s that. I’ve been encouraging her to join a club or something, and she is in one, well, a group of friends really, and they usually hang out together. She describes herself as a tomboy of sorts, and she was saying to me that maybe she’s not feminine enough, which is what her friends tell her, and they tried to dress her up and stuff, but I guess it’s just not her style. Sorry I’m rambling; it’s just that sometimes I get frustrated with her that she’s limiting herself way too much. I don’t know if that all made sense. Thank you again for your (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Now that’s a good question. Let’s see. I think she likes hanging out with friends, going out to restaurants, wine tasting, hiking, things like that. She tries to eat healthy, but she hasn’t been to the gym lately, given that it’s getting cold and all. I don’t think she’s particularly interested in politics. I think the most important things in her life are her family and friends. She has a nice job that she likes, and she’s 5’7/5’8 and pretty fit. I don’t know why she’s having trouble finding guys. The last church she’s been to was a Lutheran one. I thought I was on my way of “converting” her a while ago, but it turns out that she believes in reincarnation, so that’s that. I’ve been encouraging her to join a club or something, and she is in one, well, a group of friends really, and they usually hang out together. She describes herself as a tomboy of sorts, and she was saying to me that maybe she’s not feminine enough, which is what her friends tell her, and they tried to dress her up and stuff, but I guess it’s just not her style. Sorry I’m rambling; it’s just that sometimes I get frustrated with her that she’s limiting herself way too much. I don’t know if that all made sense. Thank you again for your (name removed by moderator)ut.
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Geeze, she sounds like me… except for the reincarnation bit… (Lord knows being an IT Technician kind of requires me to live in jeans and t-shirts, not that I’m complaining :D)

But in terms of not being “feminine” enough, believe me there are plenty of guys out there in the world that are into lower-maintenance girls like us. Take it from someone who knows. 👍

If I may be so bold to ask, generally how old is she? 20s? 30s? Age will help figure out what kind of venues she should be hitting.
 
Thunderbird said:
Geeze, she sounds like me… except for the reincarnation bit… (Lord knows being an IT Technician kind of requires me to live in jeans and t-shirts, not that I’m complaining :D)

But in terms of not being “feminine” enough, believe me there are plenty of guys out there in the world that are into lower-maintenance girls like us. Take it from someone who knows. 👍

If I may be so bold to ask, generally how old is she? 20s? 30s? Age will help figure out what kind of venues she should be hitting.
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Wow, what a coincidence! She works in IT, too! She’s in accounting, though, so she does need to dress up somewhat for work. My biggest complaint with her is that she seriously needs to expand her social circle, and not just spend time with her little clique. She just turned 30 this year, but that’s a whole other topic. She’s definitely put her partying days behind her, not that she was party-hardy to begin with. The other thing is that she lives alone by herself, and I think that may have contributed to it. As far as I know, her social life is pretty subdued, nothing crazy. She wants a family, too. I forgot what she said about kids, but I think she does want some. I would say that she is fairly low-maintenance, and I think guys would be lucky to have someone like her in this day and age. I think she’s only had one boyfriend, but it was a long-term relationship, and he’s married now.

Any suggestions?
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Wow, what a coincidence! She works in IT, too! She’s in accounting, though, so she does need to dress up somewhat for work. My biggest complaint with her is that she seriously needs to expand her social circle, and not just spend time with her little clique. She just turned 30 this year, but that’s a whole other topic. She’s definitely put her partying days behind her, not that she was party-hardy to begin with. The other thing is that she lives alone by herself, and I think that may have contributed to it. As far as I know, her social life is pretty subdued, nothing crazy. She wants a family, too. I forgot what she said about kids, but I think she does want some. I would say that she is fairly low-maintenance, and I think guys would be lucky to have someone like her in this day and age. I think she’s only had one boyfriend, but it was a long-term relationship, and he’s married now.

Any suggestions?
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I can totally see it. 😃 I’ve never been much of a clubber to begin with either, my circle of friends tends to be very small and concentrated. Small groups equal comfort, you know?

I mean, expanding her social circle would probably help but the question is, does she WANT to expand her social circle. Most introverted people like the small number of people they associate with just dandy. Less stress, if you know what I mean.

That being said, I think she might want to try the magical world of Online Dating. I know, I know, don’t look at me like that… it’s legitimately a good way to find other ridiculously introverted people. Craigslist, okcupid, sometimes myspace… those are a few of the free options that are still pretty good.

Sometimes doing volunteer work helps too… it forces you to be a little more social in a place where people at least share your common positive goal.

Good luck to her, tell her not to lose hope!
 
Thunderbird said:
I can totally see it. 😃 I’ve never been much of a clubber to begin with either, my circle of friends tends to be very small and concentrated. Small groups equal comfort, you know?

I mean, expanding her social circle would probably help but the question is, does she WANT to expand her social circle. Most introverted people like the small number of people they associate with just dandy. Less stress, if you know what I mean.

That being said, I think she might want to try the magical world of Online Dating. I know, I know, don’t look at me like that… it’s legitimately a good way to find other ridiculously introverted people. Craigslist, okcupid, sometimes myspace… those are a few of the free options that are still pretty good.

Sometimes doing volunteer work helps too… it forces you to be a little more social in a place where people at least share your common positive goal.

Good luck to her, tell her not to lose hope!
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Oh man, you wouldn’t believe how much she and I have butted heads on the very topic of online dating! She’s always worried that she might meet some creeps, and I don’t blame her! Craigslist is definitely out of the question, because I’ve heard there’re some very unscrupulous characters on there. I was thinking maybe Match or eHarmony, but so far she isn’t budging. I think she almost hung up on me a couple of times when I wouldn’t let go of this subject. One of her biggest doubts is that she hasn’t personally seen any online dating success stories. I mean she lives very close (15 minutes) to a big city, so I didn’t think that she should have any trouble meeting guys, but I guess I was wrong. I don’t think she’s that introverted. I mean I always thought that she had a very outgoing personality, but I think she would put herself in the introverted category, though. If I’m to convince her to give it a try, I’m gonna need some success stories!
 
**So she wants to meet a nice man who is compatible with her but

a) she doesn’t want to expand her social circle

b) she doesn’t want to put in some extra effort to dress up (note: I don’t mean do something she is not comfortable with, just go that little extra mile that increases the confidence and people notice)

c)she doesn’t want to try online dating

Honestly, unless some magic man falls in her lap her odds of finding a good man are slim:shrug:… you get back as much as you are willing to put in. If she doesn’t want to do anything extra then she better get used to her current lifestyle.;)**. There is no one “place” that guarantees meeting a future spouse. A lot of time is spent doing things that put you “out there” while simultaneously doing something good so that the time is not wasted (like it would be in the club scene).
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Oh man, you wouldn’t believe how much she and I have butted heads on the very topic of online dating! She’s always worried that she might meet some creeps, and I don’t blame her! Craigslist is definitely out of the question, because I’ve heard there’re some very unscrupulous characters on there.
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No more or no less than the people out on the street. 😉 I think that, as with everything, good judgment should be exercised. Always choose public places in familiar locations, separate cars/transportation, etc.

Also, I’ve got your success story right here. I’m current dating a guy that found me through myspace, have been dating him for about a month now. I’ve dated a few times through craigslist, haven’t been cut up in little pieces so that’s a plus, though I do have some stories to tell… and honestly, if it weren’t for the Online Dating, I probably wouldn’t be dating at all. I can be extroverted…but only around people I know.

I bet there’s a thread somewhere here on CAF about people that used CatholicMatch.com for their dating needs with positive results. 'course, the only problem is that CM.com costs money but you get the picture. It works, yah?

Oh, oh! Maybe her small clique of friends know people they can hook her up with? Friends of friends have some degree of success…
 
Thunderbird said:
Oh, oh! Maybe her small clique of friends know people they can hook her up with? Friends of friends have some degree of success…
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You know, that’s exactly what she and I talked about last time she and I spoke on the phone! So there’s this guy that friends of hers have tried to set her up with, and it was (very) apparent to me that the guy was interested, but she wasn’t convinced. I was like, come on, cousin, that guy’s basically shouting that he likes you! They spoke on the phone, but I think she saw some minor things that she didn’t like, but she keeps calling him back. I’m like, if you don’t like this guy, don’t lead him on! Honestly, I don’t think she knows how she feels herself. The reason why she called him back last time was pretty much because something her parents said made her do it. The guy keeps inviting her to come down to his neck of the woods (he’s 40 minutes away), but she thinks that he should drive up, since he’s the guy and should take the initiative if he’s interested. The thing is, I think the guy’s pretty shy, and he keeps making these dating faux pas and missing opportunities. The only good thing that came out of that is I now know some of the things that I shouldn’t do when it comes to things like that. She said she’s gonna think about it and will keep me updated.

As far as online dating is concerned, I even offered to create a profile for her, but she’s still not budging. I finally gave up, and now it’s a topic that I try to avoid whenever I speak to her. I’m glad that it’s working out for you and your guy; maybe I can use that as one of the success stories!
 
I see what she means about the man needing to make the effort, but there are no silver plates. Guys need reciprocation. Some women just want a man. Some women want the man to come storming and begging. Let her not go the latter path. This said yeah, it does look rather odd and not very proper in the light of traditional etiquette, so while there’s nothing wrong with an invitation, some neutral ground would be better first. But let her not expect a stranger to have his heart on the end of his sleeve and spill it all out for her.

Just a slight contradiction perhaps, but it does look a bit contradictory than on the one hand she has these ideas of how a man should behave versus how a woman should, and yet she says she’s a tomboy and behaves boyishly because that’s her style. Perhaps somewhere there there has been the choice of an easy path. In one of these things she isn’t very consequent. She needs to sort that out and decide if it’s time to get more traditional or if she wants to keep pushing the tomboy thing.

As for where to meet guys, well, let her think where she would go if she were the man she seeks. If she’s an IT girl, she’s logical enough to play this kind of game in her mind. She’ll probably come up with better ideas than I could give. I’ll only say that the easy way is not the good way and that bars and such will not do.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
OK, first of all, I’m a guy, so obviously I have no idea. I’m asking this question, because a relative is not having much luck meeting datable guys. She’s the one that I usually go to for relationship advice and such, so I would like to help out if I can. For those of you who are more knowledgeable than I on this topic, what can I do to help? She’s not particularly religious, so I’m thinking going to church is not an option. My biggest worry is that she’ll settle for someone who’s not good for her, which I’m beginning to see signs of. She’s also feeling the pressure from her parents to settle down and start a family. I told her that it’s her life, and she shouldn’t feel pressured, but at the same time, I can see where her parents are coming from. I think she does indeed want someone in her life, but there’re so few guys that want the same things that she does. I’ve even suggested online dating to her, but so far she’s not budging at all on that one. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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If you figure it out would you share it with me…lol. I’ve never had much luck in that department. I can tell you where not to go. The gym, bars, walmart, Car Races, and never never date a guy in a band. 🤷
 
What’s wrong with a supermarket?

By the way, my complete bachelor of a friend has recently bumped into his new girlfriend in the street. He nearly tripped her when he was hurrying somewhere and they started talking. From there it moved to where it is now. I can’t cease to wonder when I hear all this protective and even downright soft tone in his voice when he’s talking about her. Looks like he wouldn’t give her up for anything in the world… and it started with him nearly stampeding her. 😃 For the record, none of them can be described as a good for nothing, contrary, he’s a solid lawyer and she seems to be a wonderful person of a literature teacher from what he says. Granted, you won’t go out and look for people in the street but you never know when and where something happens.
 
Maybe the guy she talks to is waiting for her to invite him up – surely his invitation opens that door? They could meet in the group, and if she feels comfortable they always go have coffee or something afterwards. Of course, he could also come up to visit the other friends, so I guess it’s weird he should need an invitation.

A lot of the single guys I know play golf, so if she likes learning new things she could attend workshops or camps with other golfers –same goes for tennis (maybe there are leagues in her area?). A woman at my church met her DH when she started jogging and joined a local running club.

DH and I both met nice people online before we met each other at work. Even though those people didn’t become our spouses, they were still very nice people. Okay, I met one freak, but I never put myself in any more danger than I would have with a guy I’d met at church or “on the street”. LOL.
 
Heh…I almost suggested the OP ask her out himself until I noticed the ‘I need help for my relative’ part. :o
 
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