What's the Catholic teachings on step parents role?

[jsanz28]

I have a question that has really been bothering me and has really caused the relationship with my girlfriend and me not to go to next step, (we have been dating for 2 years) and that would be to get engaged and then marriage. I have searched and searched almost everything and have not found the answer. I am 31 yrs old and my girlfriend is 28yrs old, she had a child out of wedlock, her daughter is 7 yrs old and child’s dad still see his daughter and I know she will visit her father if we get married he will always be involved in the child’s life, there is no problems with my girlfriends X and me or her, but the issue that keeps bothering me is knowing that I’m not her dad, of my girlfriends daughter and just keep me thinking that she will be confused later in life, right now she tell me that she wants me to marry her mom but, I think later that will change. I would like to know the teachings of the Catholic church on this, because I’m so confused, sometimes I feel like just ending the relationship with my girlfriend because, the stuff I read on-line just say’s that it’s a bad thing to have a child out of wedlock and all the issues it brings with it, so I keep searching and just keep running into the same thing over and over. All the statistics say that having you biological parents is best, and that if a step father is in picture they are still emotionally hurt and still have issues. I have talked to my girlfriend about this and told her I will break-up with her so she can be with her X, because it would be better if both parents of her daughter were united and got married, but she tell me no, “I don’t have feeling for him and did a lot of physical abuse to me”. Could you please help? I’ve been praying and praying one of these day’s hope prayer will be answered. I just don’t know where in the Bible I can find a similar situation. I just keep hearing the same thing, don’t have kids until your married, well I myself don’t have any yet but would like to, but my girlfriend did not find the church until recently, she was living the worldly life and had made a major change in her life and is right now attending RCIA classes and really enjoys it, and keeps telling me If I would of known when I was younger I would of waited. So can you please refer me to a book or CD or DVD or just give me some advice that can help, because this is really driving me crazy, just wanting to know what Jesus would want me to do and what would be my role to my girlfriends daughter if her mom and I get married. Because I know in the Bible it say’s that it’s the parents responsibility to walk them thru the right path so we can help them to get to heaven and same goes for us, but I’m confused because I’m not her dad and I know in the Bible talks about parents but if I get married I am not her dad so what I’m I supposed to do? Please help me try to untwist this because it is very twisted. I thank you so much for your time.

God Bless,

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Dear J,

Don’t create a problem where there is none. You have the opportunity to have a positive effect in the life of another human being. Even though the child’s father sees the child regularly, you will be the father figure on a daily basis. Your sincerity and devotion can have an effect that is even more far reaching than that of the child’s blood father.

Certainly taking on such responsibility will be a challenge. But you’re an adult and plan to have children of your own. You should be up to it. Don’t be a wimp. You have an opportunity to go beyond your concerns about yourself and give some kindness to an innocent child who had the misfortune to be born out of wedlock. The Lord said the giving a cup of water will not go unrewarded. How much greater a reward will you receive for giving a home! I know you will do the right thing. You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.