What's the difference between Courtship and Dating?

[rpp]

For me, I think of dating as a brief prelude to courtship.

It is the “getting to know you” phase. This "phase should not last long. A few weeks or couple of months at best.

You see, I do not date for fun; any woman has the potential to become my wife. Therefore I would only date a Catholic woman who is free to marry in the Church.

Courtship is that period, where I would learn more about the person and we would begin to figure out the degree of compatibility we have. This will take longer.

After courtship would come the engagement.

 

[Just_wondering]

Courtship of the kind that is most frequently described (strictly speaking, dating is a kind of courtship) has its own flaws as well. I don’t like the stiff air atmosphere of it or the fact things happen so fast and so seriously between practical strangers.

I meant to respond to this one earlier. Courtship would rarely if ever happen with practical strangers. You would only court someone that you felt you could marry.

Before you start courting (as rpp suggests) you need some time to figure out who the person is. For me, that means being friends first. For others, that could mean dating. I suspect that traditionally, the families of the courting couple knew each other and so the couple weren’t absolute strangers.

I don’t think it’s appropriate to start courting a practical stranger. Get to know them first.

 

[chevalier]

I meant to respond to this one earlier. Courtship would rarely if ever happen with practical strangers. You would only court someone that you felt you could marry.

Not in the time when the word originated. Using the word “courtship” a lot is an obvious display of admiration for the 1890’ies, where marriages were arranged and bargained for. I know I’m exaggerating, but I’m sure you get my point.

If the word means something new nowadays compared to what it meant back then, then I would like to ask: why stick to that word? Obviously because of some value specific to that word. That value most probably lies with the 1890’ies connotations of purity anyway. So then no matter how we look at it, the whole thing with courtship is a return to the 1890-ies - whether on purpose or not.

Before you start courting (as rpp suggests) you need some time to figure out who the person is. For me, that means being friends first. For others, that could mean dating. I suspect that traditionally, the families of the courting couple knew each other and so the couple weren’t absolute strangers.

Yes, because they all lived in a small townlet. But the level of actual contact was little. Mostly the honour of the family and the reputation of the individual was what was known. Individuals had little occasion to talk like normal people.

don’t think it’s appropriate to start courting a practical stranger. Get to know them first.

We’re probably much in agreement when it comes to the practical part, but in theory I still have reservations about the whole big deal with using the 1890-ies reference a lot.

Personally, I just prefer a no-nonsense attitude to such things. I don’t care what the name of the stage is or how early or late it is believed proper to start it, or what the next prescribed course of action is. A more natural course of action - obviously excepting sexual activities. And excepting concurrent romances with different people. Labels might not even exist if I’m concerned (however few people will accept that a bond might be unnamed). The fewer labels in my life, the happier I am.

 

[HannahLisa]

At the high school I went to, everyone dated. Dating meant that you were in an exclusive romantic relationship of some sort. These relationships weren’t exactly aimed toward marriage, at least not at first. I know for some people they mostly consisted of going other places together - not being at home, or around each other’s families. The couple makes the decisions. These relationships, if they progress, can end up resembling courtship.

Courtship starts out with the aim of “let’s see if we want to get married at some point in the future.” It is usually accompanied by a lot of familial involvement and not much “alone” time like that found in dating and achieved by not being at home. Fathers usually help make a lot of decisions.

 

[DoxRox]

Of course, but why insist on calling it “courtship” then?

These days it feels like a narrow mating convention is being elevated to the status of a religious tenet…

I think it has a feel of snobbery to it, too. It’s the charm of the 19th century and the implied rigorism.

I think we’re much happier without labels. Just doing our thing instead of trying to fit into a convention.

It’s just a word. If you don’t like “courtship”, call it what you want. It’s only as constraining as you think it is (or practice it). The point is to reach the goal - a marriage blessed by God so that we may work out our salvation in the Holy Spirit as husband and wife.