What's the point of being a practicing Catholic as a 20-something, esp men?

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Since you say that there is nothing better than Sunday mass with a clear conscience, I suspect that living the secular lifestyle for a while would make you completely miserable. We can’t believe in God and love Him and at the same time be happy living in a way that is immoral. Been there, got the t-shirt, and I never want to do it again. Those were the most miserable years of my life.

I guess you have just found the uncomfortable truth, that being faithful is difficult. I completely understand how you feel, but I still wouldn’t trade this struggle for the world. Never.

Just soldier on and don’t give up. If you fail pick yourself up again, and carry on doing the same until your last day on earth. We are all in the same boat and must help each other when things get tough. I hope you find that encouragement here on CAF.

 

[Cricket2]

If you believe in God and love Him you would not even ask this question. Your life is about salvation, not sexual conquests and party nights. No one should assume they will live to the next day. You don’t know when your death will come, no one does.

Every moment of life can be our last. People die everyday because they choke, hit their head, get the flu or food poisoning, stung by a bee or are eat something they are allergic too. Then there are car accidents, robberies, assaults, etc. It is arrogant to assume you live another day or week, let alone 10 years, and then use that reasoning as an excuse to live a sinful life.

 

[jmr_1985]

As a 28 year old man and former agnostic, I hear you. It is tough in this world to live the way that God ask of us. When we try to live our life the way God wants without looking at the Love of Christ, it feels like a gigantic burden. But every time I feel the way you are now feeling, I always remember that God is the ultimate good, that Heaven is real and forever, that as St. Paul says, “I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” I remember the martyrs who died so that I could have the faith I have. When I think about those things, when I think about the love my Lord has for me, all the things of this world that seem so wonderful suddenly are put right back in there place. The Enemy prows around looking for souls. Don’t let the master of lies get to you.

I suggest you check out He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Ciszek, S.J. I’m reading it now. It’s truly touched me and made me think about my faith in times of trial.

JMR

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Is it possible that you’re just bored? You seem to think that atheists live exciting, social, sexy lifestyles, and that just hasn’t been my experience. I know a lot of atheists, and a lot of catholics, and the happiness of each group of people has nothing to do with religion.

The people in my life who have the most fun and exciting lives are the ones who make it a point to travel, even if it’s just small road trips. They try new things and reach out to friends often.

I don’t know many people with happy, “easy” lives who regularly pick women up at bars and over indulge in alcohol.

 

[UbiCaritas]

I could make a long post cataloging all the trials and curious predicaments that go along with being a young person and a practicing Catholic who is 100% faithful to the Magisterium, (particularly for the odd case such as myself, who is an atheist convert with no Catholic family to speak of, which goes contrary to the way that the faith is normally passed on through family, schooling and tight-night communities) but really, I’ll just get down to it and you can guess what I mean by that:

Why shouldn’t I just live as a practical atheist for the next 10 years?

Odds are I won’t die before I’m 35, and I’ve got an eternity to get closer to God anyways. It just seems it would be a lot easier to be a practical atheist, in employment, dating, socializing, sex, than it is for someone such as myself, an atheist convert with no Catholic family or circle of friends (which usually form in elementary school anyway).

I guess I’ve found it difficult and not tried, but just for a while.

But then again, so have about 99% of other people my age according to this book, summarized in the video below:
amazon.com/gp/product/B00HWWPAXG
youtube.com/watch?v=myGzvGCgnsc

Thoughts?

Here’s a different perspective for you.

Let’s say that tomorrow, you meet the girl of your dreams. I mean, she has everything: she’s stunningly beautiful outside, has a heart full of love, kindness, and dreams inside. You both laugh at the same things, enjoy the same hobbies, read the same books. After six months to a year, you decide to propose. You set it all up, you secretly talk to her best friend to find out what kind of ring this girl would like, you get a reservation at her favorite restaurant. Finally, after a perfect evening, you pop the question…and she says yes!

But after you two kiss, hug, and cry from happiness, she says, “but I don’t want to marry you for ten years or so, and in that time, I’m going to see other men and sleep with a lot of them.”

You’re stunned, to say the least.

“What? I thought you loved me!”

“Oh, I do. But it’s really hard to build a marriage, and I don’t want to put that work in right now. It’s a lot easier to sleep around and party all the time, and way more fun than keeping house, changing diapers, working through the inevitable difficulties that occur in any marriage, and using NFP when we have to. I want ten more years of fun before I have to deal with that.”

You’d be pretty unhappy, no?

Now consider that God loves you much, much more than you could ever love the girl of your dreams. The situation you describe is quite analogous to the one above: “I love You, God, but loving You can be really difficult sometimes. I’ll start building a life with You in ten years.”

Furthermore, if your vocation is indeed to marriage, you’d be treating your future wife in a similar way to the scenario I described above. “Well, honey, I wanted to wait for you, but it was hard, so I’m sure you don’t mind that I slept around for the ten years before I met you. Yeah, I know you’re special, but it’s hard to be young and not having sex.”

And all of that is leaving aside the perspective from which such a person would be looking at the women with whom he’s sleeping: “You’re really hot, and I want to sleep with you, but I have no interest in building a life with you. I’m only interested in how much fun we can have in the next few hours.”

I’m not trying to give you a rough time here. I know it’s hard. I left home at 18 and never went back. My parents brought me up as a Catholic, but they did so in a home full of abuse. I held onto my faith, but barely because it was very difficult to make the distinction between the faith my parents practiced (missing Mass on Sunday is inexcusable, but getting drunk and beating your kid is fine) and the faith the Church teaches.

Incidentally, I had no friends from elementary school; the ones I have I met in college or afterwards. Keep an eye out for other young people at Mass; walk up to them, introduce yourself, and after talking for a bit, suggest that you all go out to a diner for breakfast/brunch: “Hey, I was thinking of going to The Diner for breakfast; their chicken-fried-steak is really good! Want to join me, and we can keep talking there?”

Also, I second the recommendation by jmr_1985 of “He Leadeth Me.” Great book!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I could make a long post cataloging all the trials and curious predicaments that go along with being a young person and a practicing Catholic who is 100% faithful to the Magisterium, (particularly for the odd case such as myself, who is an atheist convert with no Catholic family to speak of, which goes contrary to the way that the faith is normally passed on through family, schooling and tight-night communities) but really, I’ll just get down to it and you can guess what I mean by that:

Why shouldn’t I just live as a practical atheist for the next 10 years?

Odds are I won’t die before I’m 35, and I’ve got an eternity to get closer to God anyways. It just seems it would be a lot easier to be a practical atheist, in employment, dating, socializing, sex, than it is for someone such as myself, an atheist convert with no Catholic family or circle of friends (which usually form in elementary school anyway).

I guess I’ve found it difficult and not tried, but just for a while.

But then again, so have about 99% of other people my age according to this book, summarized in the video below:
amazon.com/gp/product/B00HWWPAXG
youtube.com/watch?v=myGzvGCgnsc

Thoughts?

I understand your flawed argument for age. But what is the point of the gender factor. Why is Male any different than female for keeping the faith at that age?

 

[UbiCaritas]

Is it possible that you’re just bored? You seem to think that atheists live exciting, social, sexy lifestyles, and that just hasn’t been my experience. I know a lot of atheists, and a lot of catholics, and the happiness of each group of people has nothing to do with religion.

The people in my life who have the most fun and exciting lives are the ones who make it a point to travel, even if it’s just small road trips. They try new things and reach out to friends often.

I don’t know many people with happy, “easy” lives who regularly pick women up at bars and over indulge in alcohol.

This is also a good point. My circle of close friends includes a couple of other Catholic women, a couple of agnostics, and an atheist or two. We’re friends because we have similar outlooks to life and enjoy having fun doing certain things: most of us really like music, and pre-kid would go on short road trips to hear some of our favorite artists, or would all get together to go to the opera, or hang out at a sushi place and talk for hours, or spend an evening ordering a pizza and gaming. Finding other Catholic friends is great, but don’t limit yourself to Catholics to find friends. What are your hobbies and interests? Find that out, and then find groups that center around them. Music was how I met most of my friends–local choirs (church-related or no) are a great place to meet people, especially when they’re associated with colleges. Like books? Most libraries have book clubs, and you can also check out the bulletin boards at your coffee shops. I had no idea there was a great books club near me until I happened to read the corkboard while waiting for my latte one afternoon!

 

[Xantippe]

Speaking as a fat lady, I think there is an analogy to weight loss.

There’s an old Onion humor article that I can’t find right now with a headline like, Fat Guy Plans To Start Losing Weight Once He Gets To 220.

Of course, as anybody who has seriously tried to lose weight knows, there’s no time like the present to start, and every day you wait just means more and harder work later. There’s no free lunch. Pay now or pay later.

The same thing with virtue in general–every single bad habit acquired is one that will have to be painfully exterminated. It’s so much easier to never smoke than to have to quit, and so for every other bad habit.

Furthermore, if the OP is very close to meeting his future wife (which is statistically very likely between 25 and 35–the average first time husband is now about 29), it is very likely that bad habits and bad company will repel the better candidates and attract bad apples. (When I read men’s rights stuff, I always wonder, where do you guys even meet these horrible women? But there are some simple explanations as to why a guy might wind up with a series of horrible women.)

 

[Sarcelle]

Is it possible that you’re just bored? You seem to think that atheists live exciting, social, sexy lifestyles, and that just hasn’t been my experience. I know a lot of atheists, and a lot of catholics, and the happiness of each group of people has nothing to do with religion.

The people in my life who have the most fun and exciting lives are the ones who make it a point to travel, even if it’s just small road trips. They try new things and reach out to friends often.

I don’t know many people with happy, “easy” lives who regularly pick women up at bars and over indulge in alcohol.

I agree.

I used to be a boring, introverted atheist who was a homebody and was happiest in the company of books and loved to garden. I lived a chaste life because to be honest, I didn’t see the point of a hook-up culture.

Now I am a a boring, introverted Catholic who is a homebody and is happiest in the company of books and still loves gardening. I still live a chaste life.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Speaking as a fat lady, I think there is an analogy to weight loss.

There’s an old Onion humor article that I can’t find right now with a headline like, Fat Guy Plans To Start Losing Weight Once He Gets To 220.

Of course, as anybody who has seriously tried to lose weight knows, there’s no time like the present to start, and every day you wait just means more and harder work later. There’s no free lunch. Pay now or pay later.

The same thing with virtue in general–every single bad habit acquired is one that will have to be painfully exterminated. It’s so much easier to never smoke than to have to quit, and so for every other bad habit.

Furthermore, if the OP is very close to meeting his future wife (which is statistically very likely between 25 and 35–the average first time husband is now about 29), it is very likely that bad habits and bad company will repel the better candidates and attract bad apples. (When I read men’s rights stuff, I always wonder, where do you guys even meet these horrible women? But there are some simple explanations as to why a guy might wind up with a series of horrible women.)

That is a really good analogy. Except.

220 would be an ideal weight for many men. (me included)

But your point was perfect.

 

[KP3243]

I could make a long post cataloging all the trials and curious predicaments that go along with being a young person and a practicing Catholic who is 100% faithful to the Magisterium, (particularly for the odd case such as myself, who is an atheist convert with no Catholic family to speak of, which goes contrary to the way that the faith is normally passed on through family, schooling and tight-night communities) but really, I’ll just get down to it and you can guess what I mean by that:

Why shouldn’t I just live as a practical atheist for the next 10 years?

Odds are I won’t die before I’m 35, and I’ve got an eternity to get closer to God anyways. It just seems it would be a lot easier to be a practical atheist, in employment, dating, socializing, sex, than it is for someone such as myself, an atheist convert with no Catholic family or circle of friends (which usually form in elementary school anyway).

I guess I’ve found it difficult and not tried, but just for a while.

But then again, so have about 99% of other people my age according to this book, summarized in the video below:
amazon.com/gp/product/B00HWWPAXG
youtube.com/watch?v=myGzvGCgnsc

Thoughts?

Remember Jesus was a twenty something male at one point too, he didn’t abandon the father’s will for him to go live life up like the Romans or nasty and lust loving King Herod. Pray for some humility and ask Him how to learn how to die to yourself. We all go through something like this at one point or another He will see you through this time just have to sincerely commit your will to do what He suggests.

Remember Blessed Jacinta who was one of the children of Fatima says many will go to hell over sins of the flesh.

 

[odhiambo]

I could make a long post cataloging all the trials and curious predicaments that go along with being a young person and a practicing Catholic who is 100% faithful to the Magisterium, (particularly for the odd case such as myself, who is an atheist convert with no Catholic family to speak of, which goes contrary to the way that the faith is normally passed on through family, schooling and tight-night communities) but really, I’ll just get down to it and you can guess what I mean by that:

Why shouldn’t I just live as a practical atheist for the next 10 years?

Odds are I won’t die before I’m 35, and I’ve got an eternity to get closer to God anyways. It just seems it would be a lot easier to be a practical atheist, in employment, dating, socializing, sex, than it is for someone such as myself, an atheist convert with no Catholic family or circle of friends (which usually form in elementary school anyway).

I guess I’ve found it difficult and not tried, but just for a while.

But then again, so have about 99% of other people my age according to this book, summarized in the video below:
amazon.com/gp/product/B00HWWPAXG
youtube.com/watch?v=myGzvGCgnsc

Thoughts?

Something, I cannot quite put my finger on it, but something is wrong with your reasoning; Age should not be a factor. To wait until one is “old” to give God the time of day is also problematic.
Remember the parable of the Rich Fool, Luke 12: 19-21
"…and I shall say to myself, “Now as for you, you have so many good things stored up for many years, rest, eat, drink, be merry!”
But God said to him, ‘You fool, this night your life will be demanded of you; and the things you have prepared, to whom will they belong?’
Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for himself but is not rich in what matters to God.”

 

[hereagain]

I could make a long post cataloging all the trials and curious predicaments that go along with being a young person and a practicing Catholic who is 100% faithful to the Magisterium, (particularly for the odd case such as myself, who is an atheist convert with no Catholic family to speak of, which goes contrary to the way that the faith is normally passed on through family, schooling and tight-night communities) but really, I’ll just get down to it and you can guess what I mean by that:

Why shouldn’t I just live as a practical atheist for the next 10 years?

Odds are I won’t die before I’m 35, and I’ve got an eternity to get closer to God anyways. It just seems it would be a lot easier to be a practical atheist, in employment, dating, socializing, sex, than it is for someone such as myself, an atheist convert with no Catholic family or circle of friends (which usually form in elementary school anyway).

I guess I’ve found it difficult and not tried, but just for a while.

But then again, so have about 99% of other people my age according to this book, summarized in the video below:
amazon.com/gp/product/B00HWWPAXG
youtube.com/watch?v=myGzvGCgnsc

Thoughts?

My goodness, my young friend! I can understand where you’re coming from with your upbringing and the state of modern culture. It’s very normal to question one’s faith, and often will eventually make it stronger. May I offer you 2 ideas from my point of view?

1. Nobody knows when they will die. Thousands do way before 35-accidents, sudden illnesses, crime victims, etc.
2. Take it from a 50 year old man – I mean this as respectfully as I can: you have no idea now. Time and our lives go by amazingly fast. Younger people just can’t grasp that, I know I didn’t. If you stick to the faith during the era of life you’re in now, you’ll never regret it and be most thankful you had when you’re up around my age and beyond.

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Please just remember, God is good!

Just my 2¢ since you asked. : )

Peace and happiness,
HA

 

[KP3243]

I would also be weary of your presumption here it is a sin.
One wonders how sincere a person’s love for God is when he is so readily willing to sin simply because God is forgiving. God cannot be fooled. He reads hearts and knows our sincerity. To decide to sin is to offend God. To decide to sin because one knows that he can be forgiven is to sin twice. It is to use God, reducing him to a utility at the service of our whim. It is to laugh at his passion and death.

 

[EasterJoy]

Picture yourself before the Throne when you die at age 99, picture your life passing in unvarnished truth in front of you and all, picture yourself looking your Savior in the eye, and picture yourself saying, “Those ten years I blew you off and lived for my own selfish and self-centered whims? The years I scandalized the rich and ignored the poor? The years I taught others to ignore you as I did? I’d do it all over again in a New York minute. It was so worth it.”

Sure, if you can see yourself saying that, gamble that you’ll live to repent. Otherwise, see this for the deceit of the devil that it is, and do “not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up.” Gal. 6:9

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh, yes, and gamble that, having enslaved yourself to sin, you’ll be able to throw off those chains and choose virtue. Sure, gamble on that.

***Hope **

2090 When God reveals Himself and calls him, man cannot fully respond to the divine love by his own powers. He must hope that God will give him the capacity to love Him in return and to act in conformity with the commandments of charity. Hope is the confident expectation of divine blessing and the beatific vision of God; it is also the fear of offending God’s love and of incurring punishment.

**2091 **The first commandment is also concerned with sins against hope, namely, despair and presumption:

By despair, man ceases to hope for his personal salvation from God, for help in attaining it or for the forgiveness of his sins. Despair is contrary to God’s goodness, to his justice - for the Lord is faithful to his promises - and to his mercy.

**2092 **There are two kinds of presumption. Either man presumes upon his own capacities, (hoping to be able to save himself without help from on high), or he presumes upon God’s almighty power or his mercy (hoping to obtain his forgiveness without conversion and glory without merit). *

 

[amelie871]

I can understand, a little, why you’re frustrated! I’m a 27-year-old Catholic girl, and while my family is Catholic, none of my friends practice anymore, and no one understands why I’m “stubborn” about things. Dating is the hardest; waiting until marriage is a deal-breaker for most men these days. I’m waiting anyway.

It’s hard, it can be frustrating, it can be painful, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that it’s all worth it. I’d rather spend Saturday night watching a movie, and happily go to Mass the next morning, then out partying and waking up next to a guy whose name I don’t remember, the way some of my friends do. Jesus gave everything for me. I can give up some things for Him, especially since those aren’t the things that will bring lasting happiness.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to be a young Catholic in a secular world, but hang in there and run with Him. You won’t regret it.

 

[EasterJoy]

I can understand, a little, why you’re frustrated! I’m a 27-year-old Catholic girl, and while my family is Catholic, none of my friends practice anymore, and no one understands why I’m “stubborn” about things. Dating is the hardest; waiting until marriage is a deal-breaker for most men these days. I’m waiting anyway.

It’s hard, it can be frustrating, it can be painful, but there’s not a doubt in my mind that it’s all worth it. I’d rather spend Saturday night watching a movie, and happily go to Mass the next morning, then out partying and waking up next to a guy whose name I don’t remember, the way some of my friends do. Jesus gave everything for me. I can give up some things for Him, especially since those aren’t the things that will bring lasting happiness.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to be a young Catholic in a secular world, but hang in there and run with Him. You won’t regret it.

"To the angel of the church in Sardis, write this: " 'The one who has the seven spirits of God and the seven stars says this: "I know your works, that you have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Be watchful and strengthen what is left, which is going to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember then how you accepted and heard; keep it, and repent. If you are not watchful, I will come like a thief, and you will never know at what hour I will come upon you. However, you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their garments; they will walk with me dressed in white, because they are worthy. "The victor will thus be dressed in white, and I will never erase his name from the book of life but will acknowledge his name in the presence of my Father and of his angels."
Rev. 3:1-5

 

[EasterJoy]

" ‘“Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”’

"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia, write this: " 'The holy one, the true, who holds the key of David, who opens and no one shall close, who closes and no one shall open, says this:

" '"I know your works (behold, I have left an open door 6 before you, which no one can close). You have limited strength, and yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. Behold, I will make those of the assembly of Satan who claim to be Jews and are not, but are lying, behold I will make them come and fall prostrate at your feet, and they will realize that I love you. **Because you have kept my message of endurance, I will keep you safe in the time of trial that is going to come to the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth. I am coming quickly. Hold fast to what you have, so that no one may take your crown.

" '"The victor I will make into a pillar in the temple of my God, and he will never leave it again. On him I will inscribe the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down out of heaven from my God, as well as my new name**.

" ‘“Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”’

To the angel of the church in Laodicea, write this: " 'The Amen, the faithful and true witness, the source of God’s creation, says this: "I know your works; I know that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.

For you say, ‘I am rich and affluent and have no need of anything,’ and yet do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. I advise you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich, and white garments to put on so that your shameful nakedness may not be exposed, and buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see. Those whom I love, I reprove and chastise.** Be earnest, therefore, and repent. '"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me. I will give the victor the right to sit with me on my throne, as I myself first won the victory and sit with my Father on his throne. **
‘“Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”’
Rev. 3:6-22

 

[SMGS127]

OP,

I wanted to say I resonate with your post. I frequently have been slipping into a longing for what I used to have in life. I’m a lesbian with past sexual relationships with women from before I was Catholic, for reference. And it is really tempting to think “hey, remember how happy you were? Remember how perfect your life was when you had a girlfriend?” And…it can be pretty rough. But at the end of the day, the more I think about it, the more I think about how it hurts Christ too. And that…makes me not want to do it.

I don’t know. Maybe I won’t succeed my whole life at living celibate since I see the Church’s teaching on homosexual sexual conduct as completely irrational (but accept it as an infallible teaching). Maybe I will, purely out of guilt or fear. Maybe I will be able to for the right reasons (love of Christ). My hope, though, is that no matter what happens in my life as a sinner, even if I do fall away from the Church at some point in my life, is to end with Christ. And I ask him that in prayer too. I ask Him to either take my life before I fall or help me repent before I die if I do fall. I don’t have faith in myself to stay loyal for my whole life, though.

With that said, I will say that I would never, ever, ever, ever advocate anyone fall. Please, if you can, stay loyal to Christ. As one of my favorite songs says, “live as [He] died for us!” It’s hard; it’s really, really hard. But my interest is to help get as many people to Heaven, even if I can’t make it myself. So please stay loyal and take care of Him in the ways I can’t. You’ll be glad you did later.

~ SMGS