What's wrong with me?

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Mariangeles

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Hi, everyone.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family. I was baptized, I had communion when I was 10 years old, and confirmation when I was 12. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
 
Mariangeles said:
Hi, everyone.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family. I was baptized, I had communion when I was 10 years old, and confirmation when I was 12. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
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Hi.

I (nor anyone else here) would try to give you medical advice, but it seems prudent to consider visiting a physician first to confirm that your issue is not due to something you might commonly do at Mass, such as extended sitting or kneeling, for instance, or even allergic reactions to the Body (gluten).

God can’t possibly be angry at you. He’s not human, with vindictive traits and frailty. He loves you as He loves all. That doesn’t mean that He won’t leave you with tests and obstacles in your life to bear as part of His plan for you.

Consider also a private meeting with a priest for spiritual advice. Your repeated attempts to go to Mass is very admirable. Keep trying and consider outside resources rather than only your own counsel.
 
Sounds like anxiety, it’s pretty common, try to relax and simply stop thinking about this or that before going to mass.
 
My dear friend

It may be a medical problem. I’d see my doctor and see if he fixes it or advises counselling. If not medical.

God loves you. God is infinite love and all God is capable of is love. So you can be sure God is not trying to drive you away. satan may do that but see your doctor is best I’d think.

You seem to possibly have feelings of guilt and remorse. Is that right? Have you read the parable of the prodigal son? Try reading St Johns gospel to learn about the love and mercy of God.

Does confession cause this problem?

I think you may need to forgive yourself. This is very important. It is God who is drawing you to Himself when you go back to church or enquire as here. God is Love and you are His genuine child. God truly loves you as His child. Your attitude towards yourself is likely the problem. If it’s only in this situation it may not be medical but check it out. Love yourself though. We are supposed to love, forgive and be merciful to ourselves and not just others. I really suspect you have some self loathing issues here. But I could be wrong. When God looks at you He sees His little child that He’s madly in love with. He doesn’t see a traitor or unworthy sinner. Maybe try to see yourself as God sees you. It might be the trick. Talk to the priest about all your problems too. This could really help.

I hope this helps. I’ll pray for you and remember me too please. We all struggle in this life.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂

John
 
tis your bowls…not God 🙂

Perhaps find a nice Priest you can sit down with and talk…

also of course pray and seek medical advice…sounds like some sort of anxiety.

But certainly Jesus loves you…

he waits for us to come back to him via Confession…and the angels rejoice!
 
I feel qualified to answer only one of your questions.

*Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? *

Answer, No. It can not be. He does love you and He is not angry at you.

Beyond that, wiser people than I have already offered some good advice. I will pray for you.

Don’t give up.
 
no no no, God loves you so much! He’s the one who has inspired you to come back to the church, that is how God speaks to us, in our hearts by inspirations,
when you get a thought in your mind like “maybe Jesus doesn’t love me” who do you think that is really coming from? Jesus, who died for you out of complete and pure love, with you individually in mind, would not have you believe something like that, but the devil would, the devil lives to misguide and temp you, he wants nothing more then to drag you into hell with him, he hates you beyond reason and beyond anything imaginable, so ask yourself, who is putting this thought into your head? Jesus who died for you? or the devil, who wishes you dead…

here is something for you to read -
directionforourtimes.com/onlinevolumes.html
directionforourtimes.com/onlinelibrary.html
if you want to understand and feel Gods love for you, read those, you don’t have to read them in any particular order, just pick whatever you’re most drawn to,
i think they will help you greatly…

if every time you go to church you get digestive problems, perhaps it’s the time you’re going? i use to get those same problems when i went to 8Oclock mass, but not when i went to later masses like 10am or 12pm or 7pm,
although now i don’t have that problem anymore(of course changing my diet to all natural and organic foods may have something to do with that)
i agree with the others though, it is something to talk to your doctor about, because i know from what i went through that there are a number of different things that could be causing that.

i would also definitely recommend getting a better catholic education, because it’s very important as a catholic to know why you are catholic, it’s important to know the ins and outs of your faith so you are more steadfast and fortified,
and then most importantly you must learn to love God, which you do by getting to know Him, knowing what He did for us, how much He loves us, how much He is truly active in our lives, how He directs every part of our lives, and just all that He has done for us,
i could recommend some books to you for learning to know God and your religion if you want.

well, that’s all for know, i hope this helps, if you have any questions at all, please ask.
 
Mariangeles said:
Hi, everyone.

. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
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God does not inflict illness of any kind as a punishment for sin or a sign he is displeased. Especially with conditions that can be stress related, like GI problems, often it is something we do to ourselves without knowing it.

The fact that you link anger with the reasons you left the Church, rather than common teenage run of the mill laziness or lack of interest, suggests that you have some unresolved issues that bring out anger, in the form of that emotion, or in the form of anxiety or stress that comes out as the GI symptoms. Somebody else might have a headache or allergy attack under the same conditions. It is quite likely the anger is justifiable, perhaps someone connected with the Church hurt you, or gave you reason to feel bad, or perhaps something happened around that time of your life unrelated to church, but something a teenager might blame on God.

A disinterested third party, even a professional if you suspect a deeper problem, might help you to look at your life in a new way and identify and help resolve whatever the issue might be.

Until then pray as you can. It is possible, and might be almost a given for someone who was older when they left the Church, that the emotional issue deals with sin, or some persistent damaging habit, in which case the remedy is sacramental confession and conversion, assisted by pastor counselling from a priest if necessary.

This entire discussion is of course general and hypothetical, since there is no way to give an opinion on what might be going on with your specific situation. Of course it goes without saying if you have medical symptoms you also see a medical doctor. It could be as simple as going at the wrong time too close to mealtime, or what you eat when you are in a hurry, or fasting too long.
 
Mariangeles said:
Hi, everyone.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family. I was baptized, I had communion when I was 10 years old, and confirmation when I was 12. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
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nonsense. God loves you. My theory may not be what you want to hear though.

It sounds like you’re really trying to do the right thing in your Catholic faith, by practicing it. Satan and his demons are real. It is possible that this has something to do with your problem. It could also be psychological. Either way you need prayer. I would seriously consider going through some kind of ritualistic rededicating your life to Christ that symbolically helps you to embrace that which you ran away from. It could simply be nerves and like others said allergic reaction to your surroundings. Have you tried other parishes to see if that is the problem?

You may have to explore these things in spite of how they may seem. Many of the Saints battled demons. I’ve seen a demon and it’s frightening. But I’ve also seen my guardian angel once. That demon had not chance in…well you know what I mean… tongue in cheek. I know keep your day job. Too late. I’ll be praying for you.
 
Thanks everyone for your answers. I’ll write a general response for all of you.

I’ve been wanting to see a doctor for some time now, but something happens every time. Hopefully I’ll go tomorrow. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with allergies, but anxiety could be the cause. I’ve been to different parishes and it still happens, and it’s not only when I go to church, but all the time when I pray at home or in the bus while going somewhere else, all the time.

I also want to speak with a priest. I’ll try to do that, and also see if there’s an adult’s catechism course or something like that that I can take. For now I have this book, “Catholicism for dummies” (yes, I’m a dummy lol), and I’m reading it (as well as the Bible, of course). Thanks EmeraldWings for the links, I’ll check them out.

About the feelings of guilt and remorse, yes, I feel extremely guilty. I feel like even if I confess, and get absolved by the priest, I’m not sure if God has forgiven me. I want to confess the same sins over and over again. =/ I’ve read the parable of the prodigal son, but I think I’ll read it again.

Thanks again everyone! I’ll keep your suggestions and advice in mind.
 
Mariangeles said:
I’ve been wanting to see a doctor for some time now, but something happens every time. Hopefully I’ll go tomorrow. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with allergies, but anxiety could be the cause. I’ve been to different parishes and it still happens, and it’s not only when I go to church, but all the time when I pray at home or in the bus while going somewhere else, all the time.
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My wife could not go to confession inside the confines of the church confessionals. It was far too close in and encroached upon her “safe zone”. So the priest invited her to make appointments next time and walked to the pews in a private, but open, area so as to ease her anxieties. She looks like a human vibrating machine when she gets like that. But now she’s quite comfortable in comparison to when she first started.

I hope you work this out and find peace.

PAX
 
It sounds like you’re really trying to do the right thing in your Catholic faith, by practicing it. Satan and his demons are real. It is possible that this has something to do with your problem. It could also be psychological. Either way you need prayer. I would seriously consider going through some kind of ritualistic rededicating your life to Christ that symbolically helps you to embrace that which you ran away from. It could simply be nerves and like others said allergic reaction to your surroundings. Have you tried other parishes to see if that is the problem?
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I agree with Geographer about the demons, but I don’t think that you really need a ritualistic rededication. I think that as long as you are undecided about whether you want to become a practicing Catholic again, you will have troubles. As soon as you are 100% that you will continue going to church or whatever, I think the devil will find a new way to tempt you. Every Saturday night, cross yourself and say something along the lines of “Lord, I wish to go to church, to commune of your most precious and life-giving Body, keep me healthy and give me the strength to go…” Something like that, God is good, He will help.
 
I’m part of the Catholic Charismatic renewal. I’ve participated in some Healing Masses, Conferences and seen many people healed through prayer. It is powerful. I myself have been healed by the Lord on many occasions by being prayed over in prayer groups and healing ministries. I also find that nothing beats the Eucharist as far as healing goes, that is if you have faith the Lord can heal you in the blessed sacrament as He is right there waiting for you, just have faith and He will heal you.

Here is a website with some things about the charismatic renewal if the Lord leads you that way.

catholiccharismatic.us/index.php?name=Web_Links&req=viewlink&cid=164

Peace
 
Mariangeles said:
Thanks everyone for your answers. I’ll write a general response for all of you.

I’ve been wanting to see a doctor for some time now, but something happens every time. Hopefully I’ll go tomorrow. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with allergies, but anxiety could be the cause. I’ve been to different parishes and it still happens, and it’s not only when I go to church, but all the time when I pray at home or in the bus while going somewhere else, all the time.

I also want to speak with a priest. I’ll try to do that, and also see if there’s an adult’s catechism course or something like that that I can take. For now I have this book, “Catholicism for dummies” (yes, I’m a dummy lol), and I’m reading it (as well as the Bible, of course). Thanks EmeraldWings for the links, I’ll check them out.

About the feelings of guilt and remorse, yes, I feel extremely guilty. I feel like even if I confess, and get absolved by the priest, I’m not sure if God has forgiven me. I want to confess the same sins over and over again. =/ I’ve read the parable of the prodigal son, but I think I’ll read it again.

Thanks again everyone! I’ll keep your suggestions and advice in mind.
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My dear friend

Souds like the guilt and remorse is the main problem perhaps. A good talk with your priest could really help. When God forgives us He forgets the failings too. It may take us time but we have to forget the sins completely once confessed also. God is your father. He loves you intensely, insanely. We all think we’re so wise and grown up but in reality we aren’t. We’re like little babies stumbling and falling all the time. God sees us as His little babies. Take the faith seriously but don’t take life too seriously. Your carrying all that weight on your shoulders. It’s useless baggage. It’s probably the devil that tells you that God hasn’t forgiven you if you’ve done your best to make a sincere and contrite confession. If you read the parable of the prodigal son God forgives you even before you get home, beore confession, if your truly contrite. The devil wants us to continue feeling guilty and to dwell on our sins and may be making you wonder if you were forgiven so he can keep you down. satans motive is to try and get you to just give up. Don’t listen to him. God is Love and loves you no matter what. The only thing God wants from you is to love Him back. God only wants us to confess our sins for our own good, so He can heal our souls and bring them back to life by filling them with Himself, with Love. Just love God. That’s the only thing that counts in the end. Gloominess was nearly a deadly sin also. The devil works hard to make us gloomy because it opens the door for him to harm us so much. See yourself as Gods little baby, the apple of His eye and don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s the same problem for us all. We all take ourselves too seriously. God can even let us stumble to help us gain humility you know. God loves you no matter what. When we have pain we can become a bit self centred too. Try to focus all your attention on God and helping others. We all need relief when we think about ourselves too much. God died on a cross for you. God will do anything for your love. It’s all He wants. Don’t let the devil make you gloomy. I hope this helps.

I’ll pray for you and pray for me too please. old nick comes after us all you know.

God bless you:thumbsup:🙂

John
 
Mariangeles said:
About the feelings of guilt and remorse, yes, I feel extremely guilty. I feel like even if I confess, and get absolved by the priest, I’m not sure if God has forgiven me. I want to confess the same sins over and over again. =/.
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next time you go to confession, tell this to the priest in these exact words and follow his advice, your goal is to find one good priest and confess only to him, so he knows you are battling with this feeling and can give you specific help to overcome it.
 
Mariangeles said:
Hi, everyone.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family. I was baptized, I had communion when I was 10 years old, and confirmation when I was 12. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
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I was going to write a long post, but then I read the posts that are already in the thread and the advice is very good and I don’t think I have anything to add except for the following:

I don’t get stomach problems from going to Mass. I get scared. I get so scared that I can’t even go to Mass. I talked to my priest and he reassured me about the possibility of sinning by not attending Mass (if you don’t give full consent, then it’s not a mortal sin and really, not a sin at all). But he also told me that I need to find out why I’m so scared about attending Mass and that is what I am doing.

The only other thing I want to say is that I (and I’m sure a lot of people, both those posting in your thread and those who read but don’t post) will be praying for you.

Sorry, one more comment: God does love you. He loves you so much He created you and gave His life for you. God is love - He doesn’t hate His creations. You never need to think that God doesn’t love you. He always has and He always will.

God bless you!

Holy Mother, please keep
all unborn children safe today.
 
Thanks again everyone. I couldn’t see the doctor yesterday, maybe next week. I was feeling awful last night, so I went to bed and read the Bible. I felt better while doing it and after, and slept well the whole night! =D Thanks also for praying for me, I’ll keep all of you in my prayers too. 🙂
 
I think that’s a really good tone to go upon, we pray for you, you pray for us, you are doing something without problems here, even though you had them before, you are praying… !!!

You are making progress, this is what it’s about. You’ll be sitting in the front pew of church eager to go to Mass soon enough. Also, don’t feel like you are alone, many, many other people in your same boat, you just are brave enough to admit it and seek out advice to help with it, so more kudo’s to you here. 🙂
 
Mariangeles said:
Hi, everyone.

I’ve been raised in a Catholic family. I was baptized, I had communion when I was 10 years old, and confirmation when I was 12. When I was a child, I wanted to be a nun. But in my teenage years, something changed. I don’t know what happened, but I got angry with God, and I went away from the Church. I think I was just rebelling.

Anyway, years passed, I matured and I decided to come back. Lots of times. And I tried, but whenever I go to church and pray and start having a Catholic way of life, my digestive system goes nuts. I start having pain, and gastroenteritis, and related problems. It keeps me from going to Church, because I spend most of my time in the bathroom. And so I start thinking that God doesn’t really want me, and I go away from Church again. Digestive problems solved.

Could it be that He actually doesn’t love me? Is it that He is really angry at me? What do you think I should do?

Thanks a lot for any answers you may give me.
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God loves us all. And if you want to be forgiven, there is a fount of mercy and joy. Recall the Prodigal Son!

Whether He’s angry with you or is causing these symptoms must be viewed with a grain of salt (I experience similar feelings and things at times).

But the devil and his minions know very well that you want to come home. They may be whispering in your ear, and that may be causing enough tension to trigger your physical symptoms.

Go to a doctor, though, and set your mind at ease about physical causes.
 
In the meantime consider meditating on events in Jesus’ earthly life via praying the Holy Rosary. Also, see if there’s a Sunday Mass for shut-ins that you can pick up. I’m including you in my prayers. Hang in there.
 
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