What's wrong with me?

[JoeFreedom]

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I experience joy and love? I’ve never been able to feel these emotions. When I see someone talking about Jesus, or God and they get all lovey dovey and smiley and it seems like they have pure joy, I get angry. Sometimes angry at them, at myself, even possibly at God and all these stupid thoughts rush into my head that I know I don’t truly believe. But they scare me anyways, because if they’re coming from me, what if they are from deep inside and that is what I truly believe, but I’m just denying it. What is it about me that makes me angry when I see this? I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is God, He died for us, He died for our salvation. Is it because of my upbringing in a rigid family structure, never really being shown how to love? Is it because I can’t experience this and so I get angry at them because they can experience it and I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s not me… and then I sort of get angry at God, even though I stop myself since I know it’s wrong. But then I struggle saying I was made this way and I didn’t choose my upbringing and all of the hardships. But then I think about how others have had it much worse and they can find joy in almost anything. It’s all about choice right? How we feel and how we think and how we act? I am I mad because I can’t or worse yet, don’t want to choose to feel joy? Or can I not do it? It bothers me when others talk about “my Lord”, maybe because I don’t want to hear about others’ personal stories. I’ve never been an open person. What’s wrong with me? I fear all of this is truly who I am and all of it is somehow a rejection of God and that makes me angry and fearful that God knows my heart and He knows I somehow truly reject Him. I’m struggling. Over the past five years, I’ve made great strides in my life, stopped all mortal sins, started going to confession, I’ve grown so much spiritually so why does all of this bother me. Is it because I feel like my role in this world is no longer to change everyone and just be obedient to God? I feel like I can’t affect change anymore. The world is going to pot and nothing I do will ever change it and I feel useless.

I have thoughts that come into my head and I never know if they are sinful or not, and then I struggle and wonder if they are mortal, and that I say because I know I struggle on one certain issue that I shouldn’t fight it, since I’m scrupulous there, but then I think I tell myself, oh, it’s not sinful because it’s scruples, but then I tell myself I’m just lying to myself and I get into this funk thinking there really isn’t anything I can do about this issue other than hide under a rock, but I can’t get away from my thoughts.

I know this rant sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic, I’m pretty sure of that, but I assure you I’m not struggling with any psychosis, depression, or other mental illness, I’m just STUCK. I needed to rant, because I’ve not gotten any answers, and I never have any time to spend with God other than Sunday mass (except for a few times at adoration) because all I do is take care of my family, and even at church I’m parenting my kids. It takes up all of my time (and my wife’s for that matter). I’m tired at the end of the day and can’t even think straight, much less pray (other than family prayer time) and even that is seeming to lose it’s muster.

What’s wrong with me? I probably shouldn’t put my ramblings out on the Internet, but I don’t know what else to do. The priests don’t really have an answer (to my scruples issue) and I’ve haven’t gotten an answer when I have prayed…

:banghead:

I’m not even sure what I’m asking… just unloading… sigh.

 

[JoeFreedom]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

 

[CRATUS]

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I experience joy and love? I’ve never been able to feel these emotions. When I see someone talking about Jesus, or God and they get all lovey dovey and smiley and it seems like they have pure joy, I get angry. Sometimes angry at them, at myself, even possibly at God and all these stupid thoughts rush into my head that I know I don’t truly believe. But they scare me anyways, because if they’re coming from me, what if they are from deep inside and that is what I truly believe, but I’m just denying it. What is it about me that makes me angry when I see this? I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is God, He died for us, He died for our salvation. Is it because of my upbringing in a rigid family structure, never really being shown how to love? Is it because I can’t experience this and so I get angry at them because they can experience it and I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s not me… and then I sort of get angry at God, even though I stop myself since I know it’s wrong. But then I struggle saying I was made this way and I didn’t choose my upbringing and all of the hardships. But then I think about how others have had it much worse and they can find joy in almost anything. It’s all about choice right? How we feel and how we think and how we act? I am I mad because I can’t or worse yet, don’t want to choose to feel joy? Or can I not do it? It bothers me when others talk about “my Lord”, maybe because I don’t want to hear about others’ personal stories. I’ve never been an open person. What’s wrong with me? I fear all of this is truly who I am and all of it is somehow a rejection of God and that makes me angry and fearful that God knows my heart and He knows I somehow truly reject Him. I’m struggling. Over the past five years, I’ve made great strides in my life, stopped all mortal sins, started going to confession, I’ve grown so much spiritually so why does all of this bother me. Is it because I feel like my role in this world is no longer to change everyone and just be obedient to God? I feel like I can’t affect change anymore. The world is going to pot and nothing I do will ever change it and I feel useless.

I have thoughts that come into my head and I never know if they are sinful or not, and then I struggle and wonder if they are mortal, and that I say because I know I struggle on one certain issue that I shouldn’t fight it, since I’m scrupulous there, but then I think I tell myself, oh, it’s not sinful because it’s scruples, but then I tell myself I’m just lying to myself and I get into this funk thinking there really isn’t anything I can do about this issue other than hide under a rock, but I can’t get away from my thoughts.

I know this rant sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic, I’m pretty sure of that, but I assure you I’m not struggling with any psychosis, depression, or other mental illness, I’m just STUCK. I needed to rant, because I’ve not gotten any answers, and I never have any time to spend with God other than Sunday mass (except for a few times at adoration) because all I do is take care of my family, and even at church I’m parenting my kids. It takes up all of my time (and my wife’s for that matter). I’m tired at the end of the day and can’t even think straight, much less pray (other than family prayer time) and even that is seeming to lose it’s muster.

What’s wrong with me? I probably shouldn’t put my ramblings out on the Internet, but I don’t know what else to do. The priests don’t really have an answer (to my scruples issue) and I’ve haven’t gotten an answer when I have prayed…

:banghead:

I’m not even sure what I’m asking… just unloading… sigh.

I commend your honesty. I liked reading this rant because honestly Christianity is not all joy. I can relate to you in certain aspects. Maybe your temperament is more contemplative than joyful. Not all of us are called to be super-happy. I like that you realized your role is not change others but to be obedient to God. That is the most difficult thing about following Christ. That is very humble of you to acknowledge. I think you are experiencing humility. You are seeing your smallness is comparison to the vastness of the world. Maybe I am wrong. That is just what I got from your post. Well God Bless You Anyways.

 

[CRATUS]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

These are very difficult questions to answer. Everyone’s relationship to God is authentic, different and unique. Maybe one day you will. God speaks to people in the silence. Maybe reserve time to just be at peace with yourself. Maybe then you will feel God. I really hope one day you do.

 

[Anony_Mous]

All anger and tension come from fear.

Ask yourself: “What am I really afraid of?”

When I first done this, I fogged around for along time until I get really really honest with myself. I was afraid that God would reject me for my sins and secrets.
Out of despair I saw a priest and told him this. I went to confession, and done my penance in deep sorry.
That changed everything for me.

 

[Bonnie]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

All of those things are about feelings, not reality. I have the same experience - or lack of it - that you do (except for serving husband, kids - I do have lots of time for myself as the kids are grown). I used to think I was missing out on spiritual things. Then I started to wonder if others aren’t exaggerating their feelings. I know someone who is convinced that God speaks to her - she fills notebooks full of “His” words to her. I wouldn’t accuse her of making it all up, but I think she mistakes her own thoughts for God’s.

I decided that I do believe, but I experience the faith differently than others. I’m now at peace with my experience - or lack of it.

 

[Fen8960]

God does talk to use it just hard to know the differents between his word and are own thoughts. The devil is the same he can feel are mind with doubt and worry and make it hard for people to understand. Ask your garnering angle for help ask Mary and all the saint. Also maybe read an excroius tell his story by Gabriele Amorth. The book has some entreating theory on thing. Sorry for spelling and hope this helps

 

[angell1]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

it’s actually not that odd, faith is not based on feelings.

there are many saints who had times of spiritual desolation, practically,.

and I know how you feel, everyone else I know always cry during adoration events and things like that and feel touched by the holy spirit, etc… but it never happens to me.

it’s different for everyone, maybe others need the emotions more to help them believe, who knows

 

[petra22]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

I don’t know the answers, Joe, but I’m praying that God makes it all clearer for you. He loves you so much and he has a plan. You are PART of his plan as we all are. Pray that you are ready to do his will always. We don’t know the big picture, but He does. Think about how you got here, Joe. You were NOT an accident, nor were your wife and children. Hang in there!

Hail Mary…
Hail Mary…
Hail Mary…
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. amen.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

If you really are not having a case of depression, than I have to say you have the classic symptoms of the deadly vice known as acedia, or “sloth”.

Now don’t get me wrong, acedia or sloth does not equate to laziness, but rather not looking for joy where you are supposed to. It is a perverse sadness in the midst of God.

Shouldn’t you be happy in loving your wife and children?

We tend to look for happiness everywhere else but where we are right now, and that is sad because that is where you will find God, who as Lord gives us our duties and responsibilities for the moment.

 

[anytimequilter]

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

This is just me… just some food for your thought…perhaps you have at some time in your left felt this “joy” you ask about… if you had not once felt it how you would realize that it was missing in your life?

This is only based on my own experience… I am currently in a little bit of a funk myself. But how would I realize that I was in darkness had I not seen the light previously? That thought is what gives me some hope that the light will return

I don’t hear God speaking … let me tell you it would be easier if He would talk to me

I am not sure when you say “Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?” exactly what you mean or what you are expecting to “feel”. I am sure we all feel his presence differently. If you are comparing yourself to how others explain their experiences… keep in mind how differently people can explain an accident on a highway. Its the exact same incident and so many of the stories are different. So much of it is perspective.

 

[JoeFreedom]

This is just me… just some food for your thought…perhaps you have at some time in your left felt this “joy” you ask about… if you had not once felt it how you would realize that it was missing in your life?

This is only based on my own experience… I am currently in a little bit of a funk myself. But how would I realize that I was in darkness had I not seen the light previously? That thought is what gives me some hope that the light will return

I don’t hear God speaking … let me tell you it would be easier if He would talk to me

I am not sure when you say “Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?” exactly what you mean or what you are expecting to “feel”. I am sure we all feel his presence differently. If you are comparing yourself to how others explain their experiences… keep in mind how differently people can explain an accident on a highway. Its the exact same incident and so many of the stories are different. So much of it is perspective.

I only know the “joy” because I see others expressing it. I have however, felt Christ’s presence, and heard God’s voice before. So I do know that I am missing that. But only in major points in my life for major things. I have heard that many of the saints, in fact I think even Mother Theresa said, I haven’t heard God speak to me (or His presence) in decades". --Although I’m sure she knew he was there. Most of the times when I felt God speak to me were in my days when I really truly needed saving. I was mortally sinning constantly and my soul was in danger. Now that I try to orient my life to Christ, I don’t hear much. I probably shouldn’t complain about that, since God comes for the sinners, not the righteous (not saying I don’t need saving and I’m not a sinner, just that I turned my life around and don’t do what I used to)

 

[anytimequilter]

I only know the “joy” because I see others expressing it.

I am not sure this is the best thing to do. Speaking from experience, often there are days that I am dying inside. I feel completely alone and even shunned by God, but I continue to smile. I laugh and try not to show the pain I feel inside. So I think its probably safe to say that others do the same thing. So while you may see someone and think they are expressing “joy” that they feel inside - that may not be the case.

I have however, felt Christ’s presence, and heard God’s voice before. So I do know that I am missing that.

From my experience, after I have felt God’s presence it makes not experiencing that again feel worse. I remind myself that I am just where I was before - - I just didn’t have anything to compare it to previously. This is just the “norm”

Now that I try to orient my life to Christ, I don’t hear much. I probably shouldn’t complain about that, since God comes for the sinners, not the righteous (not saying I don’t need saving and I’m not a sinner, just that I turned my life around and don’t do what I used to)

We are all sinners and we all need help I too am in the spot that you describe. While I know that I fail and need help, I feel alone most days. I tell myself that spiritually this is where most people are - but I don’t know if that is true

 

[Mummsie]

So here are my words of wisdom…
Don’t compare yourself to others. This can lead to either Envy or Pride.
Perhaps you are being challenged to step up the pace in your spiritual growth.
Try more of “an attitude of gratitude”. Give thanks for God’s blessings.
Even though we don’t “feel” his presence, He is there always.

God Bless You.

 

[Robert_Sock]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

It’s easy to love God when abounding in His graces, but God looks deeper into the heart and tests us when the grace is withdrawn. Have faith during your trying time, and keep seeking Him even when it looks like He has abandoned you.

 

[guanophore]

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I experience joy and love? I’ve never been able to feel these emotions. When I see someone talking about Jesus, or God and they get all lovey dovey and smiley and it seems like they have pure joy, I get angry. Sometimes angry at them, at myself, even possibly at God and all these stupid thoughts rush into my head that I know I don’t truly believe. But they scare me anyways, because if they’re coming from me, what if they are from deep inside and that is what I truly believe, but I’m just denying it.

These are what are called “automatic thoughts” and they are like reflexes. They rush in without being willed, and sometimes against the will. You are right that they are deep inside, and there is a part of you that believes them.

What is it about me that makes me angry when I see this?

The answer to this will be found in examining the dark thoughts. They are trying to communicate something to you that goes against your conscious thinking.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is God, He died for us, He died for our salvation. Is it because of my upbringing in a rigid family structure, never really being shown how to love? Is it because I can’t experience this and so I get angry at them because they can experience it and I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s not me… and then I sort of get angry at God, even though I stop myself since I know it’s wrong. But then I struggle saying I was made this way and I didn’t choose my upbringing and all of the hardships. But then I think about how others have had it much worse and they can find joy in almost anything. It’s all about choice right?

No. Like you said, you did not choose how you were raised, but you have (like everyone is) been influenced by it.

How we feel and how we think and how we act? I am I mad because I can’t or worse yet, don’t want to choose to feel joy? Or can I not do it? It bothers me when others talk about “my Lord”, maybe because I don’t want to hear about others’ personal stories. I’ve never been an open person. What’s wrong with me? I fear all of this is truly who I am and all of it is somehow a rejection of God and that makes me angry and fearful that God knows my heart and He knows I somehow truly reject Him. I’m struggling.

Not at all. Just read Romans 7 and you will see your experience nearly word for word! In each of us there is a struggle between the fallen person and the person that loves and wants to serve God.

And don’t for get to read Rom. 8:1-2 which is all about the solution to this dilemma.

Over the past five years, I’ve made great strides in my life, stopped all mortal sins, started going to confession, I’ve grown so much spiritually so why does all of this bother me. Is it because I feel like my role in this world is no longer to change everyone and just be obedient to God? I feel like I can’t affect change anymore. The world is going to pot and nothing I do will ever change it and I feel useless.

On the contrary, you probably reached this point because of all your efforts. It is time to go deeper with your spirituality and to get all that negative thinking out of your head, and be healed.

I have thoughts that come into my head and I never know if they are sinful or not, and then I struggle and wonder if they are mortal, and that I say because I know I struggle on one certain issue that I shouldn’t fight it, since I’m scrupulous there, but then I think I tell myself, oh, it’s not sinful because it’s scruples, but then I tell myself I’m just lying to myself and I get into this funk thinking there really isn’t anything I can do about this issue other than hide under a rock, but I can’t get away from my thoughts.

No, we cannot get away from our thoughts, but we can experience healing so that they no longer torture us. As Scripture says, we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

I know this rant sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic, I’m pretty sure of that, but I assure you I’m not struggling with any psychosis, depression, or other mental illness, I’m just STUCK.

It sounds pretty normal to me.

I needed to rant, because I’ve not gotten any answers, and I never have any time to spend with God other than Sunday mass (except for a few times at adoration) because all I do is take care of my family, and even at church I’m parenting my kids. It takes up all of my time (and my wife’s for that matter). I’m tired at the end of the day and can’t even think straight, much less pray (other than family prayer time) and even that is seeming to lose it’s muster.

It is best just to offer your emotions, tears and frustrations whenever you have them. Just turn all of it to God in each and every moment, and you will find yourself praying without ceasing.

What's wrong with me? I probably shouldn't put my ramblings out on the Internet, but I don't know what else to do. The priests don't really have an answer (to my scruples issue) and I've haven't gotten an answer when I have prayed...

Cognitive Behavior Therapy is really good for this sort of ailment.

:banghead:

I’m not even sure what I’m asking… just unloading… sigh.

LOL,you came to the right place! I will pray for you.

 

[fred_conty]

I needed to write that to collect my thoughts…

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
Why do I not hear God speaking?
Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Joy is a consolation.​

Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Feeling close is a consolation.​

Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
Because you are missing consolations.​

All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
That is your vocation…seeing Christ and serving him in family.​

Why do I not hear God speaking?
Similiar to #2 & #3 above.​

Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?
Similiar to #2 & #3 above.​

In general you don’t have consolations from God and want them.

It could also be that you aren’t the type of person who hugs other people and who lovey doveys them. It might be that you are a rather stiff person just because that is the way you are. Lots of people like that who’s feelings are stinted and just can’t and aren’t that way. And so this might carry over into your spiritual life as well.

Where do consolations orginate? In the heart which expresses itself in the happiness of being with someone they love. Of getting off on realizing how fortunate they are for having that person in their life since that are so good and kind. They see that other person as something wonderful and that they are undeserving of that wonderful person. Very similar to people who are in love, each looking at each other with gratitude of being in their life and sharing it with them.

Some of the spiritual writers have said to think often about the love of Jesus shown on his cross. To meditate of his great love for us and his suffering for us. They never went a day without doing this, and realizing how fortunate they were with a sense of deep gratitude for his love. Then their love begins to boil over for him and found the joy and peace and strength to carry on.

Our spiritual life isn’t just about eradicating sin but also very much with cultivating our love, that is, making sure that our intentions are to love him who loved us so much. As was mentioned, he knows every hair on our head, every thought that drifts across our mind, every drop of blood moving thru our body. And he knows also every intention of our heart. Do we do it loving him?

Spend more time during the day thinking about the way Jesus loved and is loving you. If only for brief moments. It will become a habit after a while, and then he will open your eyes to see him, and then your love will grow. Right now he is telling you it is not about consolation, that it goes deeper than that … your friendship growing in seeing him for what he is to you. Thank him often, praise him, love him, that you are grateful for all he has done for you especially giving you his kindness.

If you feel rejected sometimes, thank him for that, and tell him you deserve far worse. Any time you feel disappointed, tell him how much you trust his decision in your life and that you deserve whatever he sends your way. In your difficulties, thank him knowing that there is a good purpose that he alows you to undergo them. Ask and beg his mercy upon yourself who are unworthy of it because of all your past sins. Tell him you love him no matter what and that you accept all he sends you with gratitude. Because he is thinking of your good in all these things and then the love and trust will develop to draw ever closer to him.

Blessed be God in all things especially disappointments.

 

[petra22]

Why don’t I get to experience that joy?
Joy is a consolation.​

Why do I not feel close to God like others can?
Feeling close is a consolation.​

Why do I feel like God is not in my life?
Because you are missing consolations.​

All I do is serve… serve my kids, serve my wife, … never any time for anything else.
That is your vocation…seeing Christ and serving him in family.​

Why do I not hear God speaking?
Similiar to #2 & #3 above.​

Why do I not feel Christ’s presence like others do?
Similiar to #2 & #3 above.​

In general you don’t have consolations from God and want them.

It could also be that you aren’t the type of person who hugs other people and who lovey doveys them. It might be that you are a rather stiff person just because that is the way you are. Lots of people like that who’s feelings are stinted and just can’t and aren’t that way. And so this might carry over into your spiritual life as well.

Where do consolations orginate? In the heart which expresses itself in the happiness of being with someone they love. Of getting off on realizing how fortunate they are for having that person in their life since that are so good and kind. They see that other person as something wonderful and that they are undeserving of that wonderful person. Very similar to people who are in love, each looking at each other with gratitude of being in their life and sharing it with them.

Some of the spiritual writers have said to think often about the love of Jesus shown on his cross. To meditate of his great love for us and his suffering for us. They never went a day without doing this, and realizing how fortunate they were with a sense of deep gratitude for his love. Then their love begins to boil over for him and found the joy and peace and strength to carry on.

Our spiritual life isn’t just about eradicating sin but also very much with cultivating our love, that is, making sure that our intentions are to love him who loved us so much. As was mentioned, he knows every hair on our head, every thought that drifts across our mind, every drop of blood moving thru our body. And he knows also every intention of our heart. Do we do it loving him?

Spend more time during the day thinking about the way Jesus loved and is loving you. If only for brief moments. It will become a habit after a while, and then he will open your eyes to see him, and then your love will grow. Right now he is telling you it is not about consolation, that it goes deeper than that … your friendship growing in seeing him for what he is to you. Thank him often, praise him, love him, that you are grateful for all he has done for you especially giving you his kindness.

If you feel rejected sometimes, thank him for that, and tell him you deserve far worse. Any time you feel disappointed, tell him how much you trust his decision in your life and that you deserve whatever he sends your way. In your difficulties, thank him knowing that there is a good purpose that he alows you to undergo them. Ask and beg his mercy upon yourself who are unworthy of it because of all your past sins. Tell him you love him no matter what and that you accept all he sends you with gratitude. Because he is thinking of your good in all these things and then the love and trust will develop to draw ever closer to him.

Blessed be God in all things especially disappointments.

This answer is so beautiful. I hope the OP takes it to heart because there is so much truth in it. Truth that you put into words that I “know” but have never read before. Thank you just for the way you said it…

 

[fred_conty]

This answer is so beautiful. I hope the OP takes it to heart because there is so much truth in it. Truth that you put into words that I “know” but have never read before. Thank you just for the way you said it…

Your welcome to the truth about our dear dear Lord.

 

[guanophore]

Do you experience joy/love in other areas of your life besides religion? When you are with other people, for example…or when taking part in other activities?

.

Religion is meant to permeate all areas of our lives, not be a “part” of life. If it does not, then it is deficient.