What's Wrong with Sex-less Romance?

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gborbely

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I’m somewhat appalled by the almost constant reference to sexually related romance so prolific in even Catholic circles! Why cannot good single Catholics, or even married ones, just simply cuddle up with each other and exchange intimate looks and touches (not necessarily kisses) without having to perform sexual actions? Where has the appreciation for the simple, the modest and innocent gone to? It’s all I ask for whenever I meet up a with a potential partner, and I feel very fulfilled and satisfied with it!
 
Well, there’s a big difference between the appropriate expectations of persons in the single life vs the married state.
 
That’s true. I’m rather very new with this relationship stuff! But I think singles such as myself should primarily concern themselves with an appreciation for the little things in life and be thankful for the little piece of heaven that God permits us to have without violating His commandments. 🙂
 
Sex is one of the little things in life!
And for married couples it is generally quite important to be intimate with each other on a regular basis.

What you are describing sounds like it could be a near occaion of sin for a single person. I mean, cuddling up alone doesn’t always stop there.

What is the point you are making though?

I don’t really get what you’re saying.
 
gborbely said:
I’m somewhat appalled by the almost constant reference to sexually related romance so prolific in even Catholic circles! Why cannot good single Catholics, or even married ones, just simply cuddle up with each other and exchange intimate looks and touches (not necessarily kisses) without having to perform sexual actions? Where has the appreciation for the simple, the modest and innocent gone to?
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Perhaps you can give an example is this “constant reference” in Catholic circles, because frankly I don’t know what you are talking about.
gborbely said:
It’s all I ask for whenever I meet up a with a potential partner, and I feel very fulfilled and satisfied with it!
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That is appropriate for dating. However, there are different expectations in a marriage.
 
If you’ve read any of the Theology of the Body, you will learn that sexual intercourse between married couples has deep deep spiritual significance. It is a picture of the intimate and pleasurable relationship between God and His Church and how relationship with God is life-giving.

To deliberately avoid sex when married when you are capable of having sex is to literally discard the means that God gave married couples to show the world (and themselves) what relationship with God is. It’s kind of a misuse of the Sacrament, or perhaps a missing of the deepest meanings of the Sacrament of Marriage.

Read TOTB. The good saint explains it much better than I do! My explanation is very clumsy. I get it, but I can’t find the right words.
 
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I guess it all boils down to one’s upbringing. I come from a very morally strict traditional Catholic family and as such, we have learned to develop strong virtues. The only inclination I have so far is sexless romance and I have absolutely no problem with self-control, and neither does my partner. We both understand our limitations at this point and are perfectly happy with that until we decide to marry.

The problem I think, with even some(not all) single Catholics, is that the spiritual life has really little meaning any more. And as a consequence, cuddling for them could become a problem.
 
Thank you kindly for that; sounds accurate for the most part. But according to the official teachings of the Church, a validly married couple has every right to abstain from sexual activity for reasons that include not having children while avoiding the use of contraceptives. This represents a form of chastity that in the past was frequently practiced by virtuous Catholics.
 
gborbely said:
The problem I think, with even some(not all) single Catholics, is that the spiritual life has really little meaning any more. And as a consequence, cuddling for them could become a problem.
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I think this is a pretty arrogant statement to make. You’re assuming your virtue is better than anyone else’s and you won’t be tempted.
 
And another sex(less) thread …:roll_eyes:

It seems that sex is is a nice and little part of married life when it happens and becomes a big part when it doesn´t happen.
 
I don’t know how old you are, but your current view of sex is not compatible with Catholic marriage.
 
This post comes across as completely out of touch with the dynamics required to sustain a healthy and stable marriage, which dating is oriented to fostering.

Your comments suggest you’ve been exposed to a limited and inaccurate view of Catholic sexual theology, one more extreme than required. I also agree that assuming your asexuality is the norm, and not a source of temptation for your partner, is likely false. The likelihood of your having found a man who has NO sexual desire, absent a horrendous medical condition, is equal to that of my being a typing horse.

Yes, there is a role for more innocent contact that you crave. However, if that alone is all you want, or you envision yourself having extremely limited sexual contact with a prospective spouse when married, I urge you to consult your spiritual director to discern if marriage is the right vocation for you.

I will tell you this—and I invite other marrieds to share their views—if my spouse premaritally intended to mostly avoid sex, I would not have accepted that as a viable future.
 
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Roommates --that’s a good analysis of a sexless-by-choice couple (other than the very rare couples who are living a Josephite marriage).

I can snuggle with a cat or dog, or even with a child (how many times do you curl up on the sofa with your child or grandchild and watch a favorite child-appropriate movie together? Or sit in a big rocking chair with a child on your lap and sing or read? That’s what I mean when I say, “snuggle with a child.” Nothing sexual!)

Sexual intercourse is what makes a married couple different than all these relationships. My husband and I are not just BFs. We are one flesh, something that we are not with any other person or creature or cuddle-y object in the whole world.
 
After consulting my pastor and a few days spent in careful thought and prayer, and now upon receiving this post of yours, I think I’ve finally come to my senses. You are absolutely right ( I am a man by the way lol!) and so is everybody else here. I’ve developed an improper understanding of what it is and what I should be doing to prepare myself for the married state. But please be advised, that it is definitely not solely for “more innocent” contact that I desire to become married. I have every intention of having children, a nice family, someday and in accordance with Church teaching. Please also do not label me as being asexual, I am definitely not!

As previous posts have correctly pointed out; I’ve discovered that pre-marital intimate contact is indeed an occasion of sin and I’ve made appropriate steps to avoid becoming too intimate before entering the married state.

Sorry for any misunderstanding and thankyou for your constructive advice! God bless! 🙂
 
You are absolutely right and I apologize for my arrogance! After much prayer and thought, and after an unfortunate experience with my partner, we’ve finally come to the conclusion that yes, pre-marital intimacy of the sort I’ve been describing is indeed a serious occasion of sin! And yes I was tempted. Its a humbling experience when one finds out that despite all the virtuous upbringing, we should never assume that God will be with us to help when we are skirting on the edge of sin.

Thank you kindly for the warning, it looks like I’ll have to resign myself to the fact that such intimacy will have to wait until marriage after all; she agrees! God bless!
 
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