What's your experience with confessors?

[kelvinf]

Today I went to confession and I was actually impressed with the priest. Funny to say this but it’s the truth.

Over the past 10 years, where I have been living now, I kind of got used to the fact that most of the priests don’t (directly) address what I confess. In fact, I can only recall 4 priests who have done so to a certain degree for over a decade now.

Today was amazing. In fact, the priest asked me a couple of questions about myself and addressed the crux of my confession. He gave me some guidance and penance. Some others also even omit penance.

Because he was quite different–actually he was just what I have always expected–I asked him for his name and his parish. (This was at the cathedral.) And he told me.

I later looked him up on the Internet. It turns out he is a Monseigneur and Professor of Theology. I was like woow, no wonder. LOL

I am not really trying to criticise cos I know the confessors represent Jesus… It’s just that a priest like this makes you really feel like you have been to confession and are taking back something with you.

Or maybe this is a cultural thing? What’s your experience?

 

[pensmama87]

I think I’ve always had a confessor who met my spiritual needs at that time. Always “by the book,” but some firmer, some more gentle, some who speak more generally, some who narrow in on a particular problem sin. Even the same confessor will take a different approach. The Holy Spirit is at work in these priests.

There have been times when I didn’t necessarily “feel” very much afterwards. But over time (sometimes, years later!) I realize that what I needed is what I got.

 

[AClaire11]

The ones in my current parish are very good and make sure to give advice and directly address the more serious sins confessed. The ones in my home parish and at my University… Not so much.

 

[joeybaggz]

Or maybe this is a cultural thing? What’s your experience?

In the 60+ years I’ve been going to confession, I’ve met them all. From priests who simply give you absolution with no questions asked, to one in particular who was judgmental and gave me no credit for being able to form my own conscience. Let’ just say, silent to stern. The one consistent thing with all of them is that I always got the impression that they all wanted to absolve me of my sins and to do better. And it gets easier as you get older.- Which reminds me of the wonderful statement by Archbishop Fulton J Sheen. He said;

“Hearing nun’s confessions, is like being stoned to death with popcorn.”

Some even have a sense of humor!

 

[revert_jen]

I think I’ve always had a confessor who met my spiritual needs at that time. Always “by the book,” but some firmer, some more gentle, some who speak more generally, some who narrow in on a particular problem sin. Even the same confessor will take a different approach. The Holy Spirit is at work in these priests.

There have been times when I didn’t necessarily “feel” very much afterwards. But over time (sometimes, years later!) I realize that what I needed is what I got.

This is my experience as well.

Also, it’s important to remember that Confession is not a spiritual direction session. It’s great when the priest has some advice to offer, but it’s not the point. Sometimes it is good (especially when there is a long line!) not to get advice, so we remember that the point is absolution, not counseling.

I know someone who had a very bad experience with a priest to offered too much counseling, as well. (It went past spiritual counseling to psychological counseling which, without knowing more of my friend’s history, was completely inappropriate, and sent my friend away from Confession for over a year.)

The fact is that it’s not possible to get enough information in the confessional to provide detailed advice, and without the leading of the Holy Spirit at that specific moment, if you can’t go into detail, it’s too easy to just say a few platitudes.

I personally have been very fortunate, and have generally gotten advice when I needed it, and no advice when I didn’t need it. I have NEVER had a priest omit the penance. If one did, I think I’d ask for it specifically before leaving the confessional.

–Jen

 

[Crusaderbear]

I’ve only experienced one in the last 50 years…about 2-3 weeks ago. All I can say he was exactly who I needed to see!

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

In the past, I had a confessor I did not want to confess to, but the nun used to make us line up by him.

He told me I would burn in hell someday for all my sins.

He told me if I don’t know why I did something, I must have a problem because only insane people do things and don’t know why they do them.

Then another priest down the line told me he did not know if he should give me absolution or not because of my carrying on.

Of course as time went on things settled down. Now when I go to confession the priest just about falls asleep from boredom.

 

[DaveBj]

I go face-to-face with our parish priest every couple weeks, and for me it’s like spending five minutes in a session with a spiritual advisor. I do feel like I’ve actually been to confession (as opposed to coming out wondering if I’ve actually been absolved, and yes, I’ve had some of those, too, but not from him), but at the same time I feel like I’ve had a chat with a friend.

The Archbishop Sheen quote made me

 

[Casilda]

Today I went to confession and I was actually impressed with the priest…

…It’s just that a priest like this makes you really feel like you have been to confession and are taking back something with you…

What’s your experience?

Not had that experience. Thanks for sharing your experience, gives me hope of finding a good priest, someday.

 

[user1234]

My parish is run by a small order, following ignitian spirituality. They are essentially what te jesuits were when they were founded. Every confession I’ve ever been to has been like that. If you are ever in the Denver area, I would definitely suggest going to confession at St. Marys parish in Littleton.

 

[Estevao]

I think I’ve been to about 10 different priests for confession over the 6 or so years I’ve been Catholic. I don’t go as often as I should, that’s for sure. 9 have been helpful. One was not helpful. Not a bad ratio.

I remember the first time I went to confession. I was 19 years old. I had received first communion when I was seven, IF I ever went to confession before, that would have been the time. I don’t remember if I actually did. But anyway, I had A LOT of sins to get off my chest. But father took me through a general confession. He was very helpful. To encourage me to get it out. I remember he would say “good” when I would get those sins out there. And he would give me such helpful, holy advice. I mean now just thinking about it in one area he gave me advice, I realize that his advice was spot on, even though I didn’t see it at the time. I went a few more times to him, and they were always great, but as I said I didn’t go as much as I should, and eventually he was moved to another parish. I always appreciated what he did during that first confession. I realize he must have been thinking about all those people waiting for mass (I went in the box just before mass), or at least I was, but he didn’t cut it short, he did a very thorough job. Actually I might get the opportunity to go to confession with him again, even though I’ll have to drive a bit to go there. Hopefully I will because I think he was the best confessor I’ve ever had in terms of theological knowledge, although the others have been helpful to me in other ways, recognizing that I’m…well I’m not the best Catholic, but still not coming down too hard on me.

 

[Lea101]

I never had such a good experience tbh. My confessor usually just absolves me right after, no advice, no nothing.

There was once a confessor I had during a penitential service. It was my first confession after several years. He nagged at me when I told him that and he was quite snarky (I’m sure he meant well, he was just one of those sarcastic people). After I’m done, he told me to start going for confession regularly.

 

[nodito]

I’ve experienced confession with wonderful, thoughtful, compassionate priests as well as more matter-of-fact confessors where it was in-and-out. I’ve thankfully never had a bad experience in confession, even if they don’t always leave me on a spiritual high.

Some notable ones:
-Confession in a Japanese Catholic Church where the priest spoke little English but made a real effort to offer me absolution in broken English

-Confession with a priest who was the first to put a name to a temptation/fear I was struggling with and since that confession I haven’t bee burdened by it

-Confession as a teenager at a youth conference that left me high and light and walking on air

-Confession in elementary school with my religion teacher; I had been so nervous about confessing a particular sin to him but what I remember most was that he noticed by my “it’s been x months since my last confession” that I hadn’t been in a long time, and he recommended I go more frequently. That was really his only admonishment and it stuck.

 

[kelvinf]

Great reading all the diversed (name removed by moderator)uts!

This is my experience as well.

Also, it’s important to remember that Confession is not a spiritual direction session. It’s great when the priest has some advice to offer, but it’s not the point. Sometimes it is good (especially when there is a long line!) not to get advice, so we remember that the point is absolution, not counseling.

Long lines? Once I went to confession and I caught the priest sitting there watching a video on his laptop. He was so lonely and bored that he had to be doing that.
Ok, I don’t know what he was actually doing but he was putting his laptop away when I entered the confessional.
Maybe in your area it’s different. The only time I see people going to confession is when I go to the Cathedral and still, there are no long lines. I see just a handful of people.
And in some Church bulletins I have seen, to go to confession, you have to call the parish and arrange for that. I can perfectly understand that since most priests at normal parishes just sit there and -]people/-] WE don’t show up.

In the past, I had a confessor I did not want to confess to, but the nun used to make us line up by him.

**He told me I would burn in hell someday for all my sins.

He told me if I don’t know why I did something, I must have a problem because only insane people do things and don’t know why they do them.

Then another priest down the line told me he did not know if he should give me absolution or not because of my carrying on.**

Wow! This made me laugh out loud. Sounds like a joke. How unfortunate.
I have usually had the opposite experience. You confess a grave a sin but the priest gives you the impression that you haven’t done anything wrong. I had such back-to-back confessions and I was discouraged from going to confession again for a while.

 

[Wedge_Antilles]

I go to confession solely to receive absolution. If that is granted, I am free and need nothing else.

I enjoy good spiritual talks, comforting words, or a deserved rebuke, but none of these are required for me at least.

Walking out free of the stain of sin (for at least 3-4 minutes) and knowing what that means for me in my lie and for my salvation is the greatest gift that priest could offer me next to the Eucharist.

 

[babochka]

A good confessor is a wonderful gift. I almost always go to Confession with my pastor, whom I know well. He is kind always, firm when needed, and gives good advice almost all the time. (He never gives bad advice, just sometimes he is off the mark). He is blessed with great insight and he knows me well. His knowledge of my personal situation and struggles informs his advice to me. His penance is always directly related to my sins and a prescription to help me overcome them. Occasionally, I also go to a priest at the local FSSP parish. I have found all the priests at that parish to be excellent confessors, though they tend to approach the sacrament quite differently from the Eastern/Byzantine approach that I prefer. I appreciate them for their clarity and the fact that they do not minimize sin.

 

[Casilda]

A good confessor is a wonderful gift. I almost always go to Confession with my pastor, whom I know well. He is kind always, firm when needed, and gives good advice almost all the time. (He never gives bad advice, just sometimes he is off the mark). He is blessed with great insight and he knows me well. His knowledge of my personal situation and struggles informs his advice to me. His penance is always directly related to my sins and a prescription to help me overcome them**. Occasionally, I also go to a priest at the local FSSP parish. I have found all the priests at that parish to be excellent confessors, though they tend to approach the sacrament quite differently from the Eastern/Byzantine approach that I prefer. I appreciate them for their clarity and the fact that they do not minimize sin**.

This was very helpful, thank you.

 

[ChikaisHis]

Today I went to confession and I was actually impressed with the priest. Funny to say this but it’s the truth.

Over the past 10 years, where I have been living now, I kind of got used to the fact that most of the priests don’t (directly) address what I confess. In fact, I can only recall 4 priests who have done so to a certain degree for over a decade now.

Today was amazing. In fact, the priest asked me a couple of questions about myself and addressed the crux of my confession. He gave me some guidance and penance. Some others also even omit penance.

Because he was quite different–actually he was just what I have always expected–I asked him for his name and his parish. (This was at the cathedral.) And he told me.

I later looked him up on the Internet. It turns out he is a Monseigneur and Professor of Theology. I was like woow, no wonder. LOL

I am not really trying to criticise cos I know the confessors represent Jesus… It’s just that a priest like this makes you really feel like you have been to confession and are taking back something with you.

Or maybe this is a cultural thing? What’s your experience?

Definitely had confessors who really spoke to me before and seemed to understand. Certain days of the week my parish offers confession for a few hours, so I can really have a short conversation with the priest, without feeling like I am holding up the line.

Also had confessors who completely misunderstand my confession, but I take their advice anyway, perhaps for later use. Wisdom is still wisdom.

And yes, there are priests who do not address what I say at all. Mostly it is my fault, I put off confession until 10 minutes before the start of Mass and they are in a hurry

 

[Demetra2]

I used to go to confession at a Carmelite chapel and the elderly priests wisely gave me useful advice during confession. These priests have since retired so I go my parish priest who often just absolves me but with little or no spiritual guidance. I prefer the spiritual guidance.

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

I used to go to confession at a Carmelite chapel and the elderly priests wisely gave me useful advice during confession. These priests have since retired so I go my parish priest who often just absolves me but with little or no spiritual guidance. I prefer the spiritual guidance.

If you’re going during a regularly scheduled time, he may be sensitive to the other people in line. If you want to have a longer conversation, maybe ask him if you can arrange a time convenient for him when you can talk at length.