What's your reason for using NFP to avoid a baby?

[aiming4heaven]

So, before I begin… I’m hoping we are on the same page in knowing that the Church teaches that couples should have a just reason for using NFP to space the births of their children (ie: NFP should not be used with selfish motives).

However, the Church does not give concrete examples of exactly what is a just reason. It is up to the couple to discern together.

I would not usually ask my friends this is “real life”, as it is very personal, but seeing is we’re pretty much anonymous here, I’ll go for it!..

What is your reason for using NFP to avoid a pregnancy? God bless x

 

[KellyPalmer]

I’m not. But a reason I have thought of as a possibility would be if my husband had a deployment coming up (he’s in the military). I have a history of severe PPD/PPA and it would be beyond scary for me to have a baby without him in the country. I also have a history of a severe, rare obstetrical complication that significantly increases the risk of death for both baby and me. I lost my 3rd baby half way through the pregnancy and then I nearly died when they were trying to get her out. It happened again with my next baby but I was able to have surgery in the 2nd trimester to save my unborn son’s life. It will likely continue to happen in any future pregnancies. Depending on how that goes with any future blessings, we may have to reevaluate the safety of me continuing to have babies. I’m praying the surgeries will always work out because we do want to keep growing our family. Any who, those are just the things I have thought in my mind about potential situations where my husband and I might be interested in perusing NFP to avoid.

 

[Kelfa28]

I’m pregnant again…so we’re obviously not avoiding anything as of now…

However, my husband and I have talked about this and I really want the opportunity to go and finish my degree…which means we will need to take a break from having a third child for the time being.

I also want to be done with my contract in the military before we start talking about a third child. Even with a part-time drill schedule…for both my husband and I…it’s seriously taxing on us as a family.

My unit was pressuring me to deploy, voluntarily, which I declined. My unit does not do a very good job at announcing mandatory weeks we have to attend. This is extremely difficult when you are a SAHM and your husband works a monday through friday job. My children are not in daycare and I have to convince my parents to take a vacation from work or my husband to get time off for this to work out.
Bottom line…I need to be out of the military before I feel comfortable having a third child.

We’re looking at almost 2-3 years worth of abstaining to make all of this happen but I’m comfortable with this.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

lots of reasons right now …I wish some would change as my kids keep asking for a baby brother!

-financial (including not having good pregnancy coverage…I would have to get on our state program for pregnant women since my insurance doesn’t cover pregnancy)
-high risk (I have to take blood thinners and they are expensive although being on teh state program they are free but then I have major guilt about that)
-scared to death of more miscarriages (self explanatory as I’ve had 4)
-concerned that I would have another child with a disability or delay (my 2 oldest have special needs)
-help issues…my family isn’t around as much as they were a few years ago

 

[Corki]

So, before I begin… I’m hoping we are on the same page in knowing that the Church teaches that couples should have a just reason for using NFP to space the births of their children (ie: NFP should not be used with selfish motives).

However, the Church does not give concrete examples of exactly what is a just reason. It is up to the couple to discern together.

I would not usually ask my friends this is “real life”, as it is very personal, but seeing is we’re pretty much anonymous here, I’ll go for it!..

What is your reason for using NFP to avoid a pregnancy? God bless x

Not using it right now but when we did…

First it was to space between our first and second child. Looking back, I am not sure that was a very good (just) reason but it seemed like it at the time.

We also used it to make sure I didn’t get pregnant too soon after a very scary delivery of my second,. All three of us (me, DH and doc) thought I needed healing time.

 

[JackieMom]

I don’t want to give up wine and lunch meat for 9 months.

 

[khuldar]

So, before I begin… I’m hoping we are on the same page in knowing that the Church teaches that couples should have a just reason for using NFP to space the births of their children (ie: NFP should not be used with selfish motives).

However, the Church does not give concrete examples of exactly what is a just reason. It is up to the couple to discern together.

I would not usually ask my friends this is “real life”, as it is very personal, but seeing is we’re pretty much anonymous here, I’ll go for it!..

What is your reason for using NFP to avoid a pregnancy? God bless x

To give my wife’s body time to heal, health & deployments (ex military but only just)

 

[walnutleviosa]

I don’t. I am waiting to be blessed with child.

 

[Ms_Manners]

I would lose my job.
I understand that is always a risk, but in another year I would get a permanent contract and then it would be much easier.
My husband’s job is not very well paid right now, so me losing mine would get us in huge trouble. He is working on changing his job. It should kick in at about the same time as my contract. If it works, I might go back only half-time or just stay at home completely (which would be the preferred option), depending on how it goes.

Another reason is my health.
I’ve been having some problems with my back (really serious) and something I am still trying to figure out because we just found out (waiting for some tests to see what it is exactly), which may influence my fertility and require treatment.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

There are a couple of reasons, but one of them is that my husband and I are trying to get on a better financial footing before having a baby. While there is no such thing as being completely prepared for a baby, we also know that we want to be as prepared as possible. We don’t insist on being wealthy before having a baby, but we do want to be able to buy the necessities.

While it is not an issue now, at one point we were using NFP because I was matched to be a marrow donor. The intended recipient was later deemed ineligible for transplant and a different treatment plan was needed, so it didn’t happen, but the idea that my ability to help him depended on me not being pregnant was a big motivator. It is not safe to do donations while pregnant.

 

[underacloud]

I don’t want to give up wine and lunch meat for 9 months.

Not to mention sushi and soft cheeses.

 

[PaulGH]

So, before I begin… I’m hoping we are on the same page in knowing that the Church teaches that couples should have a just reason for using NFP to space the births of their children (ie: NFP should not be used with selfish motives).

However, the Church does not give concrete examples of exactly what is a just reason. It is up to the couple to discern together.

I would not usually ask my friends this is “real life”, as it is very personal, but seeing is we’re pretty much anonymous here, I’ll go for it!..

What is your reason for using NFP to avoid a pregnancy? God bless x

I would be happy to answer your question. My wife and I actually have several reasons right now:

• My wife has extensive scarring and an abdominal hernia from four previous c-section deliveries, and we have been advised by her doctor that another pregnancy and delivery would pose risks. The possibility of something bad happening is pretty small, but the bad things that could happen are very bad.
• My wife is taking a new medication which can cause birth defects.
• My wife suffers from depression and is overwhelmed at present with caring for our four children.

Having said all that, I still truly hope that we can have another baby at some point. But realistically, I know that we definitely do have to use NFP to avoid pregnancy unless the above factors change significantly. (And I don’t really see how the first factor could change, though the second and third factors might change over the next year or two.)

 

[PaulGH]

-high risk (I have to take blood thinners and they are expensive although being on teh state program they are free but then I have major guilt about that)

Please don’t feel guilty about that! I can’t think of anything better for a state to spend tax money on than helping to bring a new life into the world. If you lived in my state, I would have no complaint whatsoever about my taxes going for this kind of treatment. (And I say this as someone who supports lower taxes and lower government spending.)

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Please don’t feel guilty about that! I can’t think of anything better for a state to spend tax money on than helping to bring a new life into the world. If you lived in my state, I would have no complaint whatsoever about my taxes going for this kind of treatment. (And I say this as someone who supports lower taxes and lower government spending.)

thank you! I feel the same way but sadly I know many people who have made me feel guilty about that. I just think that it’s really sad that individual insurance has such a high ridiculous premium for maternity coverage. we are possibly thinking that this summer might be a good time to just leave it up to God and not TTC or TTA although b/c of my high risk option I would need to know ASAP so I could start the blood thinners and ultrasounds early enough. I really would love to give my kids a baby brother…I have always wanted to have at least 2 of each that way everyone would have a brother AND a sister

 

[SusanneT]

We have discussed this a lot and come to the conclusion that there are really only two reasons for practising NFP:

Physical Health - a threat to the health or well being of mother or child.

Family health - circumstances where for reasons of poverty etc we would be unable to care for another child or where the welfare of our existing children would suffer seriously.

We do not have either of these problems, so we do not practise NFP. But EVERYONE has a different view on this and must make their own - mutual decision as a couple.

 

[ishnianqueen]

I’m pregnant with #2 right now - he’ll be born only 14 months after his sister. That said, he’s a bit of a surprise because it took us a little time to get our first and we thought it would take longer (and I was doing pretty much everything I was supposed to for LAM and my fertility still came back early). Once this one is out, we’ll definitely be avoiding for a bit because, well, my body needs a break. I’m not going to die or anything, but pregnancy is taxing on anyone, and this close together is exhausting. I know there are some women who love being pregnant - I am not one of them. I need some more space between #2 and future #3 for my own mental and physical health. Even just an extra 4-6 months of not being pregnant would make me happy. Plus, we’re living on a single teacher’s salary in the D.C. area - we’d have to get a little bit more saved up and definitely more room (we have a contingency plan just in case, but it already feels a little cramped - though that might be the bowling ball in my belly talking ).

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

To get healthy before having another baby! I had high blood presure this last pregnancy, and expected my blood presure to drop back to normal after I gave birth, but, it never went down. This last birth scared me & my husband deeply. For the sake of our children (current & any future children) we want to get back to healthy to be around for them.

Selfishly, my sister is getting married (I’m a Matron of Honor) and I don’t wann be pregnant at her wedding.

 

[LittleMother]

Short answer, my health and the sanity of both me and my husband as well as the proper instruction of our existing children.

Long answer,
My husband and I always felt very strongly that God’s wisdom and timing would be better than ours (duh, right?!) We also decided early on that if we ever felt that we had grave enough circumstances to warrant NFP we would consult a good, solid priest, not to get his permission so much as to have that extra accountability to ensure that we would never allow our consciences to become lax and start rationalizing. That being said, we recently arrived at the place that we never thought we would in feeling the necessity of preventing for a time.

I’ve had 10 pregnancies in 12 years, two of which were miscarriages. For years we have been living well below “poverty level.” Our oldest child is exhibiting behavioral issues that I was not equipped to deal with while suffering from pregnancy exhaustion. My body during the last pregnancy was so worn out I could not stand for even one minute. I had to pull a chair over to wash dishes at the sink. We decided near the end of that pregnancy that we should take a break, for the sake of my body and our existing children and also my husband was feeling very overwhelmed by his responsibility to provide and by the aforementioned behavior issues. We agreed on a plan to get my body stronger and to address the issues with our son in a certain time frame. I consulted a very solid priest, a traditional one even and he agreed that we had sufficient reason and also reminded us that NFP is only ever meant to be temporary, for as long as the circumstances exist.

After baby #8 was born I had serious complications that brought this to a new level. I think without the complications we may have changed our minds as we’ve always felt very strongly about leaving it totally out of our hands but I had blood clots in my lungs and nearly died. I then had to be on blood thinners for 6 months. The medication I had to be on is know to cause horrible birth defects and miscarriage. Now any future pregnancies I will be high risk and have to do daily injections of blood thinners throughout. The injections can cause osteoporosis and my bone density is already below the normal range. So, we are taking this as a confirmation that we need to have a sacrificial time to practice some prudence and self-control. We are planning on practicing NFP for a couple of years to regain my strength and in the future to limit the overall exposure to the injected meds (maybe 4 pregnancies over the course of the next 10 years vs a potential 8 pregnancies over 10 years.)

Anyway, there’s my novel!

 

[Allegra]

I don’t know if this is technically a moral reason or not, but we used NFP to plan our baby being born at a time where my paid maternity leave would not corrospond with my eight week summer break. (The idea being that I would have longer to stay home before returning to work.) It is, admittedly, a matter of finances and convenience, so it probably wouldn’t be considered a grave matter. On the other hand, it was only a few months of a delay and not several years.

 

[PaulGH]

Short answer, my health and the sanity of both me and my husband as well as the proper instruction of our existing children.

Long answer,
My husband and I always felt very strongly that God’s wisdom and timing would be better than ours (duh, right?!) We also decided early on that if we ever felt that we had grave enough circumstances to warrant NFP we would consult a good, solid priest, not to get his permission so much as to have that extra accountability to ensure that we would never allow our consciences to become lax and start rationalizing. That being said, we recently arrived at the place that we never thought we would in feeling the necessity of preventing for a time.

I’ve had 10 pregnancies in 12 years, two of which were miscarriages. For years we have been living well below “poverty level.” Our oldest child is exhibiting behavioral issues that I was not equipped to deal with while suffering from pregnancy exhaustion. My body during the last pregnancy was so worn out I could not stand for even one minute. I had to pull a chair over to wash dishes at the sink. We decided near the end of that pregnancy that we should take a break, for the sake of my body and our existing children and also my husband was feeling very overwhelmed by his responsibility to provide and by the aforementioned behavior issues. We agreed on a plan to get my body stronger and to address the issues with our son in a certain time frame. I consulted a very solid priest, a traditional one even and he agreed that we had sufficient reason and also reminded us that NFP is only ever meant to be temporary, for as long as the circumstances exist.

After baby #8 was born I had serious complications that brought this to a new level. I think without the complications we may have changed our minds as we’ve always felt very strongly about leaving it totally out of our hands but I had blood clots in my lungs and nearly died. I then had to be on blood thinners for 6 months. The medication I had to be on is know to cause horrible birth defects and miscarriage. Now any future pregnancies I will be high risk and have to do daily injections of blood thinners throughout. The injections can cause osteoporosis and my bone density is already below the normal range. So, we are taking this as a confirmation that we need to have a sacrificial time to practice some prudence and self-control. We are planning on practicing NFP for a couple of years to regain my strength and in the future to limit the overall exposure to the injected meds (maybe 4 pregnancies over the course of the next 10 years vs a potential 8 pregnancies over 10 years.)

Anyway, there’s my novel!

(Bold mine.)

Wow. You are heroic and have my great respect. I think that most couples, even many devout and faithful Catholic couples, given a health history similar to yours, would aim for zero pregnancies over the next ten years. (I don’t know if my wife and I would ever plan for another pregnancy, given a similar situation.) Thank you for being open to life.