What's your testimony?

[arewethereyet]

I hadn’t been planning on going to this forum… but maybe i was meant to. The stories i read (testimonies) were interesting… & hit home. Here’s mine: I was raised Catholic but all my family & I did was go 2 Mass on Sunday - the rest of the week, no one talked about God… Even so, my childhood wasn’t 2 bad. In fact, it was as good as it gets in this world. My adolescence was a different story. Suffice it to say i had emotional problems that were pretty severe, mostly because my mother & I never got along; while that wasn’t a problem in childhood, it was as a teen: I read a psychology book (u know, those kind that blame the mother 4 eveyrthing), copped an attitude & started defying her. That was the mistake that led to all the others. 2 compound matters, when i was 15, i got hurt by a guy. I felt i had nowhere 2 turn 4 help but God. When i did that - tho I wasn’t in a Church - I got filled with the Holy Spirit. I fell in love with Jesus, read the New T. all the way through twice. 4 two yrs, i was happy & healthy… Its still mysterious as 2 what all went wrong after that - i guess a combination of things… My mother not liking me finally began to wear on me & i ran away from home. I ran into satanists! (long story) i escaped their influence (no, didn’t even dabble in that - ran like h—). i became a drifter… went to school here & there, had no direction. I drifted away from Jesus, coming back only now & then when i would attend some Protestant service or another…(sometimes went 2 Mass). But i didn’t feel i was good enough 2b really close 2 God/Jesus like i had been… i was filled w/guilt… shame…self-hatred, remorse… I also was the victim of the once-saved-always-saved doctrine someone had “shared” with me when i 1st left home… Needless to say, my life went downhill. I committed this sin & that (why not, if i was “saved” anyway… though i could never truly believe God loved me… i believed conflicting things…). Things got worse… I often felt like ending it all. Then things got better 4 several yrs, only to lead eventually 2 me losing “everything” all over again… When my life hit rock bottom, i found a rosary. By this time, i didn’t believe in such things… didn’t want to pray it… had no hope. But (…no idea why), i DID pray the rosary. It changed everything… not all 4 the better, either. Spiritually, i got better, but otherwise… I hit a seemingly worse rock bottom… Circumstances got down-right scary; I c it as being “thrown into Purgatory”… & I’m still there… though its different than it was at first… & now i have gained weapons to use (Blessed Sacrament, etc.) against the devil (who, needless 2 say, didn’t appreciate me praying the rosary). Anyway… whatever is God’s will (…well, i TRY to go by that…). This testimony is incomplete, but i guess i have run out of space… It would take a whole book’s-worth of writing to tell the whole story… i may have a headache for going down Memory Lane… but its good 2 do so… As someone once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”… Thanks for all the testimonies. Its so nice 2 know I am not alone in my sufferings… (and joys… ).

You are NEVER alone, honey!!
Please keep sharing with us!
It is never good to keep this stuff bottled up inside.
I know.
I’ve been there.
I will pray for you.
Love,
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

You are not alone at all by a long shot. I grew up a rebelous teen with alot of freedom. Even though I was a cradle Catholic, my family stopped practicing after my first communion when I was around 8. As a early teen I used to smoke alot of pot, was a skatepunk that rode halfpipes all day long. In 9th grade I skipped 45 days of school to build a halfpipe in my friends backyard. I quit school and got a GED. I started to work and pay rent by the time I was 16. By the time I was 17 , I was in the 9 to 5 groove and was enjoying the money I was making in the autobody trade. I met a very special girl then. She was a good practicing Byzantine Catholic. Her family tried very hard to keep us separated, but we were in love. When we were both 19 , she was planning on going to college and I in the Marine Corp, but I needed some college first for my m.o.s. Thats when she got pregnant. Her father would have killed her then, so she left home and came with me. I promised to always take care of her and the baby. We had a civil marriage and 3 other children. I had other opportunities to be in the military , including an invitation to 20th S.F. group when I was around 26, via a Mstr Sgt friend of mine. By the time I was 32 , I owned a house and 30 acres in the mountains. My wife was a sahm and working on her degree. Then the second gulf war broke out. I approached the same friend about enlisting in the N.G., but I didn’t want to be fulltime like the S.F. was. So I got a slot on an airborne lrs team in the MDANG. Ranger training was going to be tough for a guy my age , but I was in the best shape of my life. I actually told my wife that it would take an act of God for me to fail at this. Well before I shipped, that is exactly what happened. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I thought I had pulled a muscle at drill, but it was cancer eating up my lympth nodes. They found it in the emergancy room. I went there instead of a scheduled appointment at an occupational therapist. God intervened that day for me and saved my life. I was given a medical separation from the guard. I was in bad shape and almost died from the chemo. Actually one night I came so close to death , the Lord had to wake me up. I heard a voice say “get up” while I was dieing. It took everything I had to get out of it. Over the next few months I recovered and went into remission. I was mad at God for allowing this to happen to me. But He was determined for me to keep my promise to my wife and for me to stay out of the military. He wasn’t going to let me die either way. Even though, I became depressed and became suicidal. The stress of the monthly tests was getting to me. I knew it was a matter of time before I was going to fall out of remission. So I planned out my suicide on the eve of Easter 2005. As I went to go get a pistol, my mind started to reel. I felt the same way I did when I almost died from the chemo. Terrible images flashed through my head like a movie and it was accelerating. I screamed out “God help me , I don’t want to know the truth”. It just came out of me. Thats when everything stopped cold. I felt this immense love surround me. God had purged me and all I felt was His love. I can’t discribe how awesome Gods love is. The days following I went to meetings with a few different Priest’s looking for answers. I got some, but was guided to get confirmed and have my marriage blessed by the Church. I’m now a member of a small rural parish in WV. I can now see how merciful God has been to me, despite my bad decisions. He has given me many chances at life and a chance for eternal life. I still struggle to do His will, but I know a slice of His infinite mercy and love. That keeps me going, even through some trying times. Well thats my story and I’m sticking to it. Tim

WOW…what a beautiful testimony!
Thanks so much for sharing!
God bless you…;you are an amazing example of what God can do with someones life!!!
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

I worked with 30 or so blokes who for the 19 years we worked together told me I was a joke, they told me “love is dead” they would do any thing to put me down. Some would fight me at work make a joke out of me, I was never in line for promotion even though I had better schooling. I saw this novener and the promises so Iprayedthem for our family and again for these people I worked with,The novener is from the Peita book you say it for 365 days per year and it takes about four hours per day to say.

But I saw that there were 24 promises by Jesus and I wanted them all for my family, brothers and sisters and cousins. I finished it once and then I thought if I do this again I could say it for the blokes I work with. So I said it again 365 days and four hours per day. In the end when a lot of us left the firm the blokes called me to meeting which I went to. It turned out to be a prayer meeting and I wondered why I should be called there.
I looked around and all of a sudden I saw some 13 of the blokes there. They came up to me latter and told me that they never understood me, but if any person attacked me now they would be told to leave me alone, that I was all right. They had become christians.
6 months latter I went to the hospital to see my uncle and there were two of the men soon to die of canser. One said to me “Don’t worry Oli I know where I’m going” Another said something similar and they went to our maker.
19 years of persecution isn’t bad if that is the end product, I believe.
The power of prayer.

God bless
littleone

SO awesome!!!
Thanks for sharing!
There is a saying that we may be the only bible some people may ever read!
That’s one of the many reasons I love to volunteer!
Like Jesus said “whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me”!
God bless you and keep sharing!!!
Karen

 

[distracted]

You are NEVER alone, honey!!
Please keep sharing with us!
It is never good to keep this stuff bottled up inside.
I know.
I’ve been there.
I will pray for you.
Love,
Karen

thank you so much for your encouragement.
There is this thing going on in my life now that i do not know how to deal wtih (really). I was thinking of posting about the situation here but am hesitant… I will pray about it more. I guess i don’t want to hear certain comments that may come… But it would be nice to have the (name removed by moderator)ut of other devout Catholics…
Please pray for me… God bless you…

 

[mommyof4]

thank you so much for your encouragement.
There is this thing going on in my life now that i do not know how to deal wtih (really). I was thinking of posting about the situation here but am hesitant… I will pray about it more. I guess i don’t want to hear certain comments that may come… But it would be nice to have the (name removed by moderator)ut of other devout Catholics…
Please pray for me… God bless you…

I know how you feel. Sometimes when you post here for the whole world to see, it gets kinda scary, and you don’t know what people are going to come back at you with. Even though I don’t know your situation, I’ll pray for you, and I hope that you get good advice, wherever you go for it.

 

[distracted]

I know how you feel. Sometimes when you post here for the whole world to see, it gets kinda scary, and you don’t know what people are going to come back at you with. Even though I don’t know your situation, I’ll pray for you, and I hope that you get good advice, wherever you go for it.

Thank you. I will pray for you too.
I don’t go anywhere 4 advice at this time because, well, a lot of reasons. I have “issues” & don’t trust a lot of people. Plus, i’ve told a few people about this problem i have & there’s no consensus… so i am left as confused as ever. I gave it to God (should have done that a long time ago…) & that seems to help the most. There are some things we just don’t have control over… I have 2 remind myself of that often…
Anyway, thanks for the concern… God bless…

 

[arewethereyet]

thank you so much for your encouragement.
There is this thing going on in my life now that i do not know how to deal wtih (really). I was thinking of posting about the situation here but am hesitant… I will pray about it more. I guess i don’t want to hear certain comments that may come… But it would be nice to have the (name removed by moderator)ut of other devout Catholics…
Please pray for me… God bless you…

My computer is being VERY BAD right now so I am going to try againi.
I understand exactly how you feel.
I have refrained from posting in the past for the same reason.
Just know that we will be here when you are ready to talk.
God bless!!
Karen

 

[distracted]

My computer is being VERY BAD right now so I am going to try againi.
I understand exactly how you feel.
I have refrained from posting in the past for the same reason.
Just know that we will be here when you are ready to talk.
God bless!!
Karen

Thank you. My computer is “bad” a lot. In fact, right now, it doesn’t even work but i think that’s my fault because i accidentally deleted something i didn’t intend 2 delete… but anyway… Even b4 that happened, it would do these weird things just out of nowhere… So i began 2 suspect it was possessed…
And i am only half-kidding…
In any case, i still have cold feet about telling my strange little story here on the forum… (actually its far from little, if only 2 me). I am going 2 pray about it more. I’m not sure God wants me to do that…
Its always so hard to know exactly what God wants and doesn’t want. I spent a long time at the exposed Blessed
Sacrament today and after about an hour (it took that long to get the worldly cobwebs out of my head), I really began to “see things” in my personal life, things i sorely needed to see, but only had half a clue about b4 going there. I probably should have stayed longer but i have some important business 2 tend to…
Anyway, God bless you for your prayers… I need all the help i can get. The short version of the story is that the devil and my own human-ness & the human-ness of others is conspiring to make me crazy… as in very unsure of what God wants me to do about this and that…
Be blessed…

 

[arewethereyet]

Thank you. My computer is “bad” a lot. In fact, right now, it doesn’t even work but i think that’s my fault because i accidentally deleted something i didn’t intend 2 delete… but anyway… Even b4 that happened, it would do these weird things just out of nowhere… So i began 2 suspect it was possessed…
And i am only half-kidding…
In any case, i still have cold feet about telling my strange little story here on the forum… (actually its far from little, if only 2 me). I am going 2 pray about it more. I’m not sure God wants me to do that…
Its always so hard to know exactly what God wants and doesn’t want. I spent a long time at the exposed Blessed
Sacrament today and after about an hour (it took that long to get the worldly cobwebs out of my head), I really began to “see things” in my personal life, things i sorely needed to see, but only had half a clue about b4 going there. I probably should have stayed longer but i have some important business 2 tend to…
Anyway, God bless you for your prayers… I need all the help i can get. The short version of the story is that the devil and my own human-ness & the human-ness of others is conspiring to make me crazy… as in very unsure of what God wants me to do about this and that…
Be blessed…

Here goes my computer again!!
God bless you, too!!
Looks like the Blessed Sacrament was very helpful to you today. I have had alot of unhealthy addiction and behavior to overcome. With the help of a gentle priest, I was able to do just that. He saw me through my first confession…one full of mortal sin. One thing that helps to strengthen and encourage me is Gods Word. I can spend as little as ten minutes in it a day and feel so much better. I have a wonderful little devotional called Our Daily Bread that I love. It is a Christian devotion. Good for Catholics and Protestants alike. One piece of advice I can give is to keep walking with God. Prayer, meditation, praise, worship, bible study…whatever it takes. I find that when I make Him the center of my life, things tend to fall into place.
Karen