When a Loved One is Dying

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skigirl1689

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How do you not feel like you’re losing your sanity? I’ll explain further. My aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in November and started chemo in January. It hardly worked and at diagnosis the cancer was in her liver, abdomen, bones, and lungs. On Wednesday I found out a week ago today her kidneys were shutting down due to the chemo so they stopped it. She’s sleeping about 21 hours a day and is in pain.

I feel like I am living on the edge all of the time ever since I found out she was really ailing. I panic every time the phone rings or I get a text. I’m in my last few weeks of college so I am away from family, not that I could be there (or would want to be) as she is 11 hours away. I’ve been through this before with three uncles and three grandparents but with them the waiting only lasted three days at the most. Not saying I want her to pass but it is just a matter of time.

How do you remain focused on living your life when you’re steeling yourself for a loss you know is coming? Sorry this is not the best put post, my focus is absolutely not present currently.

God Bless,
Rebecca
 
I mean this respectfully…

But why would you think it is good and or normal to feel anyway other than you do?

I understand that you WANT to feel differently and that it would make life a lot easier for you and others if you felt differently.

But normal is not easily cured.
 
Rosary.

Daily Mass.

Adoration.

Spend as much time with the Lord as you can.

And you are exactly where anyone would expect you to be - distracted, concerned, distressed.

I will add your aunt to my prayers. I hope the doctors or hospice can help her with her pain.
 
SMHW said:
I mean this respectfully…

But why would you think it is good and or normal to feel anyway other than you do?

I understand that you WANT to feel differently and that it would make life a lot easier for you and others if you felt differently.

But normal is not easily cured.
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Like I said it was poorly written. My question is more to the effect of I need to keep living my life but all I feel like doing is crawling into bed and crying. But I can’t, life doesn’t stop for me. I feel in some ways just like I am going through the motions and it’s very difficult. I know I’m not going to change how I feel but I am trying to figure out how to function when everything is falling apart.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Rosary.

Daily Mass.

Adoration.

Spend as much time with the Lord as you can.

And you are exactly where anyone would expect you to be - distracted, concerned, distressed.

I will add your aunt to my prayers. I hope the doctors or hospice can help her with her pain.
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Thank you so much! I appreciate the opportunity just to be able to reach out and attempt to put this struggle into words.
 
I am going through the same thing at the moment with my Mother.
I think I am a bit older than you and I have my own wonderful family to keep me busy.
In many ways it brings you closer to God.
You are in my prayers.
 
My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was just a little older than you. One thing that helped me was I signed up for a race with a team that specifically raised money to fund research on the kind of cancer he had. Meeting the other runners (who also had loved ones with this form of cancer) was emotionally supportive. Also, the exercise itself and the setting of a goal helped me to cope better. And I AM not a runner at all. But for this specific occasion it was really a Godsend.
 
skigirl1689 said:
Like I said it was poorly written. My question is more to the effect of I need to keep living my life but all I feel like doing is crawling into bed and crying. But I can’t, life doesn’t stop for me. I feel in some ways just like I am going through the motions and it’s very difficult. I know I’m not going to change how I feel but I am trying to figure out how to function when everything is falling apart.
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No, you wrote it perfectly. And SMHW answered you perfectly.

I spent most of last year taking care of my parents. One died in the first half of the year. The other just before the holidays.

You are going to feel like doing nothing. You are going to feel like you are losing your sanity. You are going to feel awful.

I bet it is even more difficult since you are not there. It least I could pretend to be helpful. :o

The best you can do is to simply make it through.

So what can you do to make it through? Tell everyone. Your teachers, your friends and your priest. That way everyone will know that something is happening in your life. People can’t help if they don’t know. 🤷 Pray. A lot. Pray for your aunt and for yourself. Surround yourself with friends. And try to keep your normal schedule as much as you can.

I hope this helps. Please know God is with you.
 
My grandmother (who raised me), who I love more than life itself, was diagnosed with metastisized cancer almost 3 months ago and was given a poor prognosis. I’m unable to be down there with her right now.

I understand how unbearable this is. I’m basically losing my mother. 😦

Rebecca, others have given you some wonderful advice on this thread. I’m so grateful to God that part of His plan was to draw me from atheism last spring into the study of Catholicism and into His arms. I do not know how I would be managing otherwise. I just don’t.

For me the rosary and Adoration are just absolute boons. Take advantage.

God bless you and keep you. :hug1:

SM
 
I can relate. I felt this way when my grandmother was passing.

I did what others have recommended. Especially Mass.

I also asked for St Joseph’s intercession for my grandma.

Praying was about the only thing that kept me sane. I had to cling to God with everything I had.

I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers.
 
SurlyMermaid said:
My grandmother (who raised me), who I love more than life itself, was diagnosed with metastisized cancer almost 3 months ago and was given a poor prognosis. I’m unable to be down there with her right now.

I understand how unbearable this is. I’m basically losing my mother. 😦

Rebecca, others have given you some wonderful advice on this thread. I’m so grateful to God that part of His plan was to draw me from atheism last spring into the study of Catholicism and into His arms. I do not know how I would be managing otherwise. I just don’t.

For me the rosary and Adoration are just absolute boons. Take advantage.

God bless you and keep you. :hug1:

SM
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I am keeping you and your grandmother in my prayers! I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.

I sometimes feel like I do not have the “right” to grieve so strongly because she is “just” my aunt and godmother. But I realize I am at the same time grieving for her immediate family, her husband and children who I am also close to and love dearly. I keep reminding myself grief is never rational or predictable no matter how many times I’ve been through similar situations.

Thank you for all of your prayers!

God Bless!
 
skigirl1689 said:
I am keeping you and your grandmother in my prayers! I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.

I sometimes feel like I do not have the “right” to grieve so strongly because she is “just” my aunt and godmother. But I realize I am at the same time grieving for her immediate family, her husband and children who I am also close to and love dearly. I keep reminding myself grief is never rational or predictable no matter how many times I’ve been through similar situations.

Thank you for all of your prayers!

God Bless!
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You are entitled to your grief. When my favorite aunt died, I was a mess. It was like losing my mom all over again. My aunt had been there for me at a very difficult time in my life, in a way no other woman had been since I lost my mom. She mothered me, and I needed to be mothered. She was also almost the last aunt or uncle I had left on my dad’s side. I just fell apart. Drank a whole lot of wine. Cried my eyes out. (I don’t recommend the second option. It didn’t help.)

:grouphug:

You’re in my prayers.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
You are entitled to your grief. When my favorite aunt died, I was a mess. It was like losing my mom all over again. My aunt had been there for me at a very difficult time in my life, in a way no other woman had been since I lost my mom. She mothered me, and I needed to be mothered. She was also almost the last aunt or uncle I had left on my dad’s side. I just fell apart. Drank a whole lot of wine. Cried my eyes out. (I don’t recommend the second option. It didn’t help.)

:grouphug:

You’re in my prayers.
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Thanks for the reassurance and prayers. No worries, I don’t drink, having to take meds that don’t do well with alcohol is a good deterrent for me, not to mention already permanently impaired motor skills (I have CP).

Found out this afternoon she passed away last night around 10 p.m. Her earthly suffering is over. It was a godsend, the timing, as my mom was visiting my sister and I in our college town and my other sister has been up here all week so she was able to tell all of us in person at my sister’s house where it was private and away from curious eyes of my dorm mates.

I am taking 3-4 days off of school to attend the services and it’s will be during the second to the last week of classes so please pray I can work it all out. But at this point, family matters most and I can easily catch up; I know all of my final assignments/projects and can basically work on them at my own pace.

God Bless!
 
skigirl1689 said:
Thanks for the reassurance and prayers. Found out this afternoon she passed away last night around 10 p.m. Her earthly suffering is over. It was a godsend, the timing, as my mom was visiting my sister and I in our college town and my other sister has been up her all week so she was able to tell all of us in person at my sister’s house where it was private and away from curious eyes of my dorm mates.

I am taking 3-4 days off of school to attend the services and it’s will be during the second to the last week of classes so please pray I can work it all out. But at this point, family matters most and I can easily catch up; I know all of my final assignments/projects and can basically work on them at my own pace.

God Bless!
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God bless you! Thanks for letting us know.

Eternal rest, grant unto her, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon her.
May the souls of the faithful departed
through the mercy of God rest in peace.
Amen.

Prayers for you, too.

:gopray2:
 
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