When a pet dies

[bflochica5]

Pets seem to be the hot topic today on a different thread, but my question is slightly different so I decided to ask it in a separate place.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to help someone cope with the loss of a beloved pet from a truly Catholic perspective?

I’ve never been a big pet person (last pet was a goldfish when I was about 12) and part of why I chose not to get one as an adult was dealing with two interrelated issues–the temptation to fall into treating and thinking of the animal like a human family member, and having to deal with the subsequent emotional fallout when said pet dies. So I’m lacking in what’s the right thing to say to help someone who’s grieving for a pet. I know what the Catechism says about the proper place of animals vs. humans in the moral order. I’m looking more for the application of that teaching into concrete words and actions. Secular friends told me to look up the Rainbow Bridge poem, which was totally unhelpful because it is all about dogs being in heaven with people and that’s not a Catholic view. But I figure there’s got to be something between that and saying “Well, we’ll just get another one.”

To frame this: we’re talking about a 10-yr-old dog owned by a Catholic who tries to be faithful but is not particularly well-informed about the faith. She’s in an “unfulfilling” marriage to say the least, and improving it right now is not a realistic option, so she had fallen into the trap of basically loving the dog more than her husband. The dog’s death is pretty much devastating her and I’m thinking that coming at her with a rundown of what the Catechism says about the proper role of animals in relation to humans would be less than helpful at this moment in time. (Note: as far as I’m aware, time travel is still not possible, so if you’re one of those people whose gut reaction is to tell me what I should have told her years ago, please remember that this will not help me now. Let’s just take this one as it is. Thanks in advance.)

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

Pets seem to be the hot topic today on a different thread, but my question is slightly different so I decided to ask it in a separate place.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to help someone cope with the loss of a beloved pet from a truly Catholic perspective?

I’ve never been a big pet person (last pet was a goldfish when I was about 12) and part of why I chose not to get one as an adult was dealing with two interrelated issues–the temptation to fall into treating and thinking of the animal like a human family member, and having to deal with the subsequent emotional fallout when said pet dies. So I’m lacking in what’s the right thing to say to help someone who’s grieving for a pet. I know what the Catechism says about the proper place of animals vs. humans in the moral order. I’m looking more for the application of that teaching into concrete words and actions. Secular friends told me to look up the Rainbow Bridge poem, which was totally unhelpful because it is all about dogs being in heaven with people and that’s not a Catholic view. But I figure there’s got to be something between that and saying “Well, we’ll just get another one.”

To frame this: we’re talking about a 10-yr-old dog owned by a Catholic who tries to be faithful but is not particularly well-informed about the faith. She’s in an “unfulfilling” marriage to say the least, and improving it right now is not a realistic option, so she had fallen into the trap of basically loving the dog more than her husband. The dog’s death is pretty much devastating her and I’m thinking that coming at her with a rundown of what the Catechism says about the proper role of animals in relation to humans would be less than helpful at this moment in time. (Note: as far as I’m aware, time travel is still not possible, so if you’re one of those people whose gut reaction is to tell me what I should have told her years ago, please remember that this will not help me now. Let’s just take this one as it is. Thanks in advance.)

I am a Catholic, in my middle years, and currently living with my very well-loved cats and goldfish (12 years old now). I have experienced the death of many pets over the years. I have grieved mightily over the loss I felt. This is a very natural and normal thing. Some folks grieve more than others, and there is nothing wrong in that.

Three of my best friends, also in their middle years, and single, also, have lost their much loved pets in recent months. We are all Catholic. We all know what the Catechism says about animals and heaven.

When my pal’s beloved, 17 year old cat needed to be put down, it was very hard for him. She was his only companion and friend for the hard years that tried his very faith. The day of her death, we friends gathered at my house, for a “wake” for the kitty. I brought out my best ale, the bottle I saved for a very special occasion, to toast her life and memory. We ate dinner, and talked about the kitty until late into the night. It may sound silly, and smarmy, but it really helped our friend through a really emotionally rough day.

When my other friend’s goldfish died, he grieved and asked me to remember him (not the goldfish–the man) in my prayers, because he felt sad. It was the only pet he had been allowed to keep in his apartment, and she meant alot to him.

You are right in not throwing the words of the CCC at her now. She is grieving. What she needs the most from you is a loving shoulder to cry on. She needs to know that it is alright with you, if she needs to talk about her pet and her loss. She may be a little embarrassed to admit how deeply she feels this loss, because there will be plenty of folks out there who will not understand, and tell her to stop acting foolishly. She needs your prayers for her healing at this time. She will know when she is ready for a new pet, but your support will be helpful. We are all called by Christ to act chartitably to the grieving.

I do know about the “time travel” and it only goes sideways, not backward or forward, so don’t beat yourself up over what is in the past or future!

 

[Rascalking]

I’m an animal nut-(I’d own a farm if I had the money) an I’ve given serious thought to actually breeding Bichons. When a pet dies it is tragic-so heartbreaking. I firmly, firmly believe that there is a method of salvation for our beloved pets-they give us so much and ask for so little…they do have souls, just not immortal. So who is to say they don’t “Fall asleep” and then wake up when we are in heaven or something???

Whenever someone says “No, they’re not in heaven” or something else like that-I just smile. Apparently that person has divine knowledge or has been to heaven!

This probably won’t help-sorry if it doesn’t.

 

[Peggy_in_Burien]

I’m an animal nut-(I’d own a farm if I had the money) an I’ve given serious thought to actually breeding Bichons. When a pet dies it is tragic-so heartbreaking. I firmly, firmly believe that there is a method of salvation for our beloved pets-they give us so much and ask for so little…they do have souls, just not immortal. So who is to say they don’t “Fall asleep” and then wake up when we are in heaven or something???

Whenever someone says “No, they’re not in heaven” or something else like that-I just smile. Apparently that person has divine knowledge or has been to heaven!

This probably won’t help-sorry if it doesn’t.

Agree with you 100%. There was a famous man (can’t remember who anymore) who said “Heaven won’t be Heaven, unless my cats are there to greet me.”

 

[Viki63]

C.S. Lewis has some interesting ideas on animals in heaven. “And so, in Lewis’ vision of heaven, the pets I had as a child - and indeed those I have now or may come to have later - may well be caught up in my experience of the heavenly realm when I die. The best expression of this idea is found in Lewis’ theological fantasy, The Great Divorce.”(from www.all-creatures.org.)

As for me, I always pray for my pets when they die to St Francis, who I’m sure will intercede for them and take good care of them if they are in heaven.

 

[Newbie2]

I’m an animal nut-(I’d own a farm if I had the money) an** I’ve given serious thought to actually breeding Bichons.** When a pet dies it is tragic-so heartbreaking. I firmly, firmly believe that there is a method of salvation for our beloved pets-they give us so much and ask for so little…they do have souls, just not immortal. So who is to say they don’t “Fall asleep” and then wake up when we are in heaven or something???

Whenever someone says “No, they’re not in heaven” or something else like that-I just smile. Apparently that person has divine knowledge or has been to heaven!

This probably won’t help-sorry if it doesn’t.

Do not give in to that temptation!

I’ve been responsible for sending many, many pets to the great beyond in my years as a veterinarian, and have learned that there is no right way to help support someone who has lost a beloved pet.

We have to be careful not to overstep our theology and say things like, “Well, you’ll see them in heaven”, because we just don’t know. Perhaps that’s the best thing to say, is that while we don’t know if we’ll see our pets again, they are a reflection of the creator…perhaps in some way, shape or form, the life and joy that someone experiences throughout the life of a pet is another way of God showing his love for us; they are a special gift to us.

Will we ever see our pets again? I dunno. But we can reflect on our time with them and what they’ve given us, and it’s OK to miss them. As with every loss, though, some people can have an unhealthy prolonged and/or overly intense grieving process. There are pet loss grief support groups around that can help people having an overly difficult time coping with a pet’s loss.

 

[Catholic1954]

You can just tell her that Fido was a good dog and that she gave him a good life. When my sister had to put her dog to sleep, years ago, she created a photo album of him and her. She showed it to everyone and anyone for several months, but it helped her to grieve and talking about it eventualy made her feel better. I don’t think animals are in heaven, but we get a new heaven and a new earth at the end of time, and I can’t imagine a new creation without our dogs and cats.

 

[Rascalking]

Do not give in to that temptation!

.

I won’t because I’d be a monster for potential buyers. I’d interrogate them like a criminal on CSI. One wrong answer and I’m chase them off my property.

 

[bflochica5]

You guys are all great. Thank you so much for your ideas.

As it is, I posted this Wednesday night, and by Thursday afternoon she told me she’s already thinking about a new puppy. So I guess maybe these things sometimes work themselves out. But it’s still nice to have this in my back pocket for the future. Happy Easter to you all!

 

[Rascalking]

As it is, I posted this Wednesday night, and by Thursday afternoon she told me she’s already thinking about a new puppy. !

The best way to honor a beloved lost pet is to love and care for a new one!