When a priest can't help, then what?

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Lucy_1

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I have two unrelated situations in my life which may be a matter of grave sin (I don’t think mortal sin, because I don’t think they meet the three conditions). They are completely unrelated and do not involve the same sin. In both situations I have a decision to make, and must make a choice between two alternatives. In both situations I feel both choices are sinful.

I have emailed 3 of my parish priests to explain the situations. Two have said they don’t know what to do (one said he would pray about it, but it’s been several months and he hasn’t gotten back to me), one never responded. I know they are extremely busy, so I don’t want to bug them. I can’t even just follow my conscience about one of the issues, because I don’t feel I know what the right thing is! I feel so anxious about these issues, I’m losing sleep and having bad dreams every night. What if this is the beginning of a path away from God and I don’t even know it? I feel no matter what I do God will be displeased. Should I just ask the most moral well balance non-priest I can think of? I’m at a complete loss and feel lost. Has anyone been through anything like this? I feel like a weirdo even posting this.
 
Please make an appointment to discuss this with a priest in person and get it resolved right then. Tell the priest you need to make a decision soon because this is causing you anxiety.

Unless you are living in some very remote area where the priest only can get there ever few months, e-mail is not a good medium for having discussions about moral quandaries in your life. Also, the responses from the priests may suggest they do not see this as such a dire situation as you are painting it. As I don’t know the situations, it’s possible you may be having some type of scrupulosity issue, and if so you need to hear that in person from a priest.
 
I’m really not sure. It’s possible all choices-- or none-- may be grave matter. That’s the main problem.
 
OK. I am so uncomfortable speaking with priests directly about anything, let alone something big, but I will try.
 
Lucy_1 said:
In both situations I have a decision to make, and must make a choice between two alternatives. In both situations I feel both choices are sinful.
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Scripture promises us that in every temptation there is a way to escape without sin.

Talk to a priest. If you are afraid, then, perhaps find a spiritual director (maybe a woman, a sister at a nearby convent/order?) who can work with you.
 
I’d have to make an appointment face to face. It’s way too long to take up time during regular confession hours.
 
OK, thanks. For sure I’m at least going to be sinning venially whatever I do.
 
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Yes, as Tis_Bearself suggested, a face to face appointment is needed, if it is as serious as you say, it is important that you discuss it with a priest. There may be options you are not considering.

Some priests do not read or respond to emails. I can’t say that I blame them. Unless he knows who you are, I would think some may be hesitant to respond in writing, depending on the problem.

It may be difficult for you to meet with him, but it really needs to happen.
 
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Trust God’s promises, a priest or spiritual director, or heck have you called your Godparent to talk about this?
 
In general, email is terrible for communication with you pastor. Most of them are on the run most of the day ( I know mine is with all of his responsibilities), so don’t feel badly if he doesn’t answer your email. Phone is the best means of getting in touch.

As others have suggested, make an appointment to speak with one of the parish priests. If you’re going through the parish secretary, and aren’t getting anywhere, ask for the cell phone numbers and tell them it’s urgent that you speak to one of them ASAP.
 
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Lucy_1 said:
one said he would pray about it, but it’s been several months and he hasn’t gotten back to me
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Not a priest but a Protestant pastor. If someone had written to me asking for counsel, and I had told them I would think about it, and not heard back after several months, I would assume the problem is solved or they found someone else to turn to. Do not be afraid of bothering people. Being bothered by people is what ministers are for. Contact them again, and preferably make an appointment (I tend to assume it is less serious when contacted via email, and more serious when someone wants to meet in person, even though, of course, this is not always true).
 
You mentioned using e-mails. You can never completely cover everything in the detail necessary in an e-mail. If the priest does responds to you he may have another question to seek clarification and then maybe another, and another. Much better to discuss things face to face rather than for him to make inferences from your e-mail. Also, face to face would be much more expeditious than a litany of e-mails. Rest assured whatever the issue is , you are not going to startle him. He no doubt has dealt with similar issues before. if you are uncomfortable discussing with your parish priest, you are certainly free to seek the counsel of another. If you have monastery near by , perhaps contact someone there.
 
Lucy_1 said:
I’d have to make an appointment face to face. It’s way too long to take up time during regular confession hours.
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You might think that, but sometimes we can over-complicate things ourselves when actually the nub of the problem can be approached directly and promptly. Once we strip out all the emotions, feelings, tying ourselves up in knots, and trying to hide from things etc, a problem might be more straightforward, although we need to be prepared that we might not like the answer we get. Some priests can be very incisive and have the ability to cut right through to the core of the problem quite quickly.

I hope all goes well whatever you do and however it works out.
 
God bless you. I also think face to face is better. It is often temptations that make these things so big in our heads when we talk them out they become small and manageable again. I’d suggest you ask your angel to go ahead and make the way smooth fir you with the priests angel. I know it may sound an unusual thing to ask your angel, but he loves to help and this is a lovely way he can help us in situations like this where we fear we won’t get on or make ourselves well heard with a stranger. Of course ask the Holy Spirit to speak for you too and all will be well. I’ll pray for you.
 
Thank you for your prayers. I will ask my angel, I didn’t even think of that.
 
I´d say just make an appointment. I was once terrified before speaking with Father about something that bothered me, but when I finally did, I was so so relieved. He was kind and caring and I realized that it was really no big deal. Know for sure that it´s better to let these concerns come out in the light rather than keeping them to yourself and letting them eat you inside.

Be assured of my prayers for you.
 
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