When all you get are crosses...

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Liberanosamalo said:
{{{ }}}

I can sympathize in a way you couldn’t imagine. Sometimes it seems like that’s all we have… more pain. The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

Another train.

And another.

A priest here just gave a sermon a few weeks ago talking about the cross, and how Christ said, “If you want to be my disciple, you must take up your cross and follow me.” The priest said we lose sight of what the cross meant to Christ’s listeners in Judea: It was an instrument of torture to which they would be nailed until they died, until they suffocated or bled out the last drop of life.

Our crosses are not petty annoyances. They are instruments of TORTURE. And we must pick them up and carry them. That’s Christ’s promise to us if we want to be like Him.

Very.difficult.stuff.

What you see when you look around you is a lot of people who may not have picked up their cross. Yet. Don’t look at them. Keep your eyes on God.

I would suggest you get the movie The Passion of the Christ. Watch the scene over and over where Simon is taken from the crowd and forced to help Christ carry the cross. Watch how it changes him. Watch how he grows to love and appreciate that cross and how he seems reluctant to let it go in the end, because to let it go, he also lets go of Christ. Carrying that cross was a privelege he realized. He was united with Christ in a way no one in the crowd except His mother could be.

I’ll leave you with something over my desk by Archbishop Fulton Sheen:

“If you live your life for Christ, not the slightest moment of your life goes to waste. Does not a mother often set aside suitable gifts or even a dowry for her daughter’s wedding before love has ever come into her life? Our Lord is weaving your heavenly robes for the heavenly nuptials, though you know it not, in moments that seem so loveless.”

You really aren’t as alone in life as you think you are. :o
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What a beautiful post.

Jesus gave these words to St. Faustina:
“…there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest way… I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in Heaven. A suffering soul is closer to My heart.” ❤️
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Not easy, I know. When I 'm facing something difficult, I try to remember that last sentence – that in my suffering I am ever closer to Jesus, which is the best place to be. Tough to accept, but I do the best I can, and He reaches down the rest of the way (even if it doesn’t always feel like it to me).

The following is also from St. Faustina’s Diary…as you may know, she suffered greatly (physically and otherwise) during her life:
“In the evening, Jesus gave me the subject for meditation. At the first moment, my heart was filled with fear and joy. Then I pressed myself close to His Heart, and the fear vanished; only joy remained. I felt entirely like a child of God, and the Lord said… ‘Fear nothing…Before I made the world, I loved you with the love your heart is experiencing today and, throughout the centuries, My love will never change.’” ❤️
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Praying for you Convert! :crossrc: :hug1:
 
OP, if you’re dealing with disease, I extend my sympathies without qualification. If, on the other hand, there is someone in your life who is making you unhappy, I must ask – have you done everything possible to secure justice for yourself? Remember, justice is the foundation of peace. Without justice, there can be no authentic peace. Life is a struggle, to be sure. I can’t help but view it as a state of continual warfare. Accordingly, I don’t expect permanent tranquility, ever. I don’t expect to be perfectly happy, ever. I don’t expect to be enemy-free, ever. That wasn’t the life of Christ and isn’t the life of His Church. Therefore, it can never be my life, either. Nonetheless, at some point, I take a stand and live the way I want to, whenever doing so is possible. It costs plenty, too. It costs me popularity at work and within my wife’s family. It has cost me my relationship with my brother. Despite its costs, however, I must do this, to maintain my sanity, to defend my faith, and to live in accordance with my code, the code I believe God and His Church have given me. Keep fighting. We must accept struggle to be with Christ.
 
timotheos said:
Convert,

Don’t take this wrong, but to hear of your pain is an odd comfort to me. I and others on this thread have felt a similar thing, and it is very hard. This is the walk with Christ, the walk that has no forseeable earthly relief. Talk of the blessings received in suffering are of little comfort in these times. We walk with you (yes we do!), and we are all in good company; the best (!) in fact. When you cannot take another step, throw your burden down at the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to carry it for a bit, until his love warms your weary soul again.

Prayers for you, Tim
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:sad_yes: My thoughts exactly.
 
I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty. From thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, but lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.
  1. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  2. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  3. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  4. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  5. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  6. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  7. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
  8. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
    9.** For the sake of His sorrowful Passion,** have mercy on us and on the whole world.
    10. For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
If you don’t mind spending a few bucks…I highly recommend the book “Crisis of faith, Crisis of Love.” by Thomas Keating. It’s not a superficial how to deal with your troubles book, it goes deep and some parts will stab at the center of your heart, its real and true and just might give you a whole new perspective on different things you are going through in life. I literally JUST bought this for a friend tonight who called me and could not stop crying…she’s dealt with one cross after another in life (like we all do) but it’s really weighing down on her. I’m in the process of reading it right now. It’s a small book but its one of those you only read one chapter or less at a time it’s so deep. It’s funny I read your post randomly trying to find something else in another section but I hope you do try it out…if you go on ebay or amazon and get a used book it’s less than 10 bucks. Good luck w/ everything and God Bless. 🙂

Might I add, I am a recent convert of three yrs…if there’s anything I’ve learned about the Catholic faith its how POWERFUL the rosary is. Offer up whatever is on your heart, Mary will never fail you…
 
Convert_in_99 said:
When all you get are crosses. One after another, after another. My life is filled with crosses. . :crying:
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Dear Convert…

I am so sorry you are going through a hard time. Please know that God is with you and he will not leave you.

The first thing that came to my mind when I read the first line of your post is to ask you if you have gone through any deliverance prayers? I think you absolutely need to do this and if you have already done it do it again. We must rule out any oppresion from the enemy.

A book I recommend to you is Unbound by Neal Lozano.
Also take a read through this website… stmichael.pair.com/laitydeliverance.html

Avail yourself of the sacraments and then go to your doctor. You may need medication to take the edge of your suffering. You can rely on your faith for your spiritual health and rely on your doctor for your physical well being. If you are dealing with grief, you can also get therapy for complicated grieving…

God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers.
 
mrpathetic said:
Try this one on for size:

chastitysf.com/suffering.htm

Dr. Richmond is recommending people in your circumstance, to read and meditate on the Book of Job. He has an excellent description of suffering, and why it is needed to lead the life of the Christian disciple.

I think this is the Scriptural prescription you need…And I would recommend that prescription, before you see another doctor or counselor.
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Oh yes… I totally wholeheartedly agree with the book of Job. When I was in the deepest of my own despair I drowned my tears in the book of Job… and it helped.

I hope it also helps you Convert!!
 
These are good replys. Upon reading themmyself I feel lifted. Convert I too pray for you, you have made it 10 years I am only on number 4 so I have a ways to go. I pray you have hope don’t give up:) :crossrc::knight2: go to adoration as often as possible Blessings I pray
 
kristie_m said:
This is the prayer of St. Francis de Sales. I find some comfort in it…I can only hope you do as well…

The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart. This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms, and weighed with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with His holy name, anointed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.
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It’s a gift Convert in 99. I have suffered since age 2. Beaten,sexually abused and abandoned. That is when my crosses started. All life was many crosses. Then 16 yrs ago I got the hardest cross yet; i could not take any light,sound,noise or movement. I was married and he was mad I was ill and abused me.All I could do was roll back and forth in bed in the greatest pain I ever felt for 3 yrs; I thought nothing could be worse. I constantly prayed the rosary and was attacked by demons. Then my husband stole all my inheritance,hired someone to kill me,tried a few times to poison me,my 2 daughters left.Couldn’t take their father anymore.I was out in the country living in the woods and very easy to kill me,He even dug a hole for my grave. I could not get up out of bed but I could see out one window next to me. Then, after everything he tried to get me in prison for stealing his things in his shop.Which of course I did not do. I had to leave and go across country.putmy dogs down because no place was willing to rent to me because they were huge.i love animals. it was so hard but everyone said they could not be with anyone else they were with me 10 yrs and one was sick. and so spoiled. I moved,had some money from selling the house,then my daughter came down to live with me and within a couple years did what her dad did.took all my money,sold my suv and all my belongingone and she turned off my phone and left her 2 cats and one was realy like mine and I had no way to take care these old cats and this lady took them when I was in the hospital and she said she killed them. This also was my 15 heart failure. I have 5 chronic illnesses and only 30% blood circulation and total nerve damage in spine and legs and neck and THIS is ONLY half of the crosses I am telling you to keep it short.

I was once feeling like you are now. It is perfectly normal to experience. You are going through many many deaths. God is pruning you and pruning involves cutting away and that is very painful. The one’s He has set aside just for Him are the ones that carry the heaviest crosses. He is giving you the gift of being with Him on the cross. This is for you and for you to give to Him for others. For me,everytime a new cross is added I do go through some emotions about it,but over the years it is a faster process of emotions and mixed with thankfulness now. But be patient with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. I too am so weak. But in our weakness is our Strength because that is exactly when Our Lord works in and through us. This is when we are not in the way of Him working through us. Hold on tight to Jesus on the cross. Constantlly pray. I understand it is unbarealbe. And I am so sorry in one way for you,but in another,you are being so blessed and one day you will experience that.
You must have a very big heart. Those I have noticed are the one’s God picks speacial for Him. Trust God. He knows what He is doing for you. This life is so short. Soon it will be over. I read your about you page and your likes are my likes too. I thought that was interesting. Not a biggie,but fun to see. God Bless you and you are in my prayers ALL day everyday
Spirit
 
Letter IX.—The Goodness of God.
To Sister Marie-Thérèse de Vioménil.

Another fresh motive for abandoning ourselves to God. His fatherly providence.
I do not understand your uneasiness, my dear Sister, nor why you take pleasure in tormenting yourself as you do about the future, when your faith teaches you that the future is in the hands of an infinitely good Father Who loves you more than you love yourself, and who understands what is necessary for you much better than you. Have you forgotten that everything that happens is ordained by divine Providence? And if we recognise this truth how is it that we are not humbly submissive in every event both great and small to all that God wills or permits? Oh! how blind we are when we desire anything other than what God wills! He alone knows the dangers that threaten us in the future, and the helps we shall require. I am strongly persuaded that we should all be lost if God were to grant us all that we asked for, and this is why, says St. Augustine, God out of compassion for our blindness, does not always hear our prayers, and often gives us the exact contrary to what we asked Him, as being in truth better for us. Truly it seems to me that in this world nearly all of us are like people who in madness, or delirium, ask for exactly what will cause their death, and to whom it is refused out of charity, or in pity. Oh my God! if this truth were but understood, with what blind abandonment would we not submit to all the decrees of Your divine Providence! What peace and tranquillity of heart should we enjoy about all things and in all things, not only as to outward events but also about the interior state of our souls. Even if the painful vicissitudes through which God makes us pass should be in punishment for our unfaithfulness, we ought to say to ourselves, “God wills it by permitting it,” and humbly submit. We must then detest the offence and accept the painful and humiliating consequences, as St. Francis of Sales so often recommends. Would that this principle, thoroughly grasped, could put an end to the troubles and anxieties that are so useless and so destructive of our peace of mind and spiritual progress. Shall I never be able even with the help of grace to introduce into your soul this great principle of faith, so sweet, so consoling, so tranquillising? “Oh my God!” we ought to repeat, “may Your will be accomplished in me and never my own. May Yours be accomplished because it is infinitely just and also infinitely advantageous to me. I acknowledge that You can will nothing that is not for the greatest benefit to Your creatures as long as they are
118submissive to Your commands. May my wishes never be granted if they do not agree perfectly with Yours, because in that case they would be disastrous to me. And if ever, my God, it happens that either through ignorance or passion I should persist in desiring things contrary to Your will, may I always be refused or punished, as the effect, not of Your justice, but of Your compassion and great mercy.”

“Whatever happens,” said St. Francis of Sales, “I shall always side with divine Providence, even if human wisdom tears her hair out with spite.” If you were more enlightened you would judge very differently from the ordinary run of human beings; then, too, what a source of peace and strength this way of looking at things would prove to you. How happy are saints! and how peacefully they live! and how blind and stupid we are in not accustoming ourselves to think and act as they do, but to prefer living shut up in thick darkness which makes us wretched as well as blind and guilty. Let us then make it our study, aim, and purpose to conform ourselves in all things to the holy will of God, in spite of interior rebellion. Even about this rebellion we must acquiesce in the will of God, for it compels us to remain always before Him in a state of sacrifice as to all things; in an interior silence of respect, adoration, self-effacement, submission, love, and an entire abandonment full of confidence to His divine will
 
1 Peter Ch 4

1 As Christ has undergone bodily suffering, you too should arm yourselves with the same conviction, that anyone who has undergone bodily suffering has broken with sin,
2 because for the rest of life on earth that person is ruled not by human passions but only by the will of God.
 
:bighanky: I don’t even know what to say. You all are too kind. I log in and my inbox is full of messages from friends and strangers alike just saying they care. This thread has two more pages full of replies. I wish I were half as good a friend as you all are to me. :hug1: :hug1: :hug1:

Yesterday was horrible and on top of everything else was filled with panic attacks. One right after the other. Intense fear of hell, fear of dying and of those I love most dying, especially my husband, fear of God, fearing that God thinks I’m bad, feelings of being so bad that I’ll never make it to heaven, fear of being in constant mortal sin, feelings that I’ll never make a good enough confession. On and on. One panic attack after the other. I wake up today and while I’m still on edge, so far have not had a panic attack. My husband is a living saint to stay with me and care for me and genuinely still love me so young in our marriage (3.5 years), and me being so sick. How many men would die to his youth to spend the rest of his life caring for a sick wife, marrying that woman knowing full well this would be the rest of his life and it’s just going to get worse (without healing from God?) I see Jesus in the way he cares for me. My husband is Jesus’s love to me. ❤️ I guess that’s why I’m so afraid of anything happening to him.
 
spiritualunity said:
It’s a gift Convert in 99. I have suffered since age 2. Beaten,sexually abused and abandoned. That is when my crosses started. All life was many crosses. Then 16 yrs ago I got the hardest cross yet; i could not take any light,sound,noise or movement. I was married and he was mad I was ill and abused me.All I could do was roll back and forth in bed in the greatest pain I ever felt for 3 yrs; I thought nothing could be worse. I constantly prayed the rosary and was attacked by demons. Then my husband stole all my inheritance,hired someone to kill me,tried a few times to poison me,my 2 daughters left.Couldn’t take their father anymore.I was out in the country living in the woods and very easy to kill me,He even dug a hole for my grave. I could not get up out of bed but I could see out one window next to me. Then, after everything he tried to get me in prison for stealing his things in his shop.Which of course I did not do. I had to leave and go across country.putmy dogs down because no place was willing to rent to me because they were huge.i love animals. it was so hard but everyone said they could not be with anyone else they were with me 10 yrs and one was sick. and so spoiled. I moved,had some money from selling the house,then my daughter came down to live with me and within a couple years did what her dad did.took all my money,sold my suv and all my belongingone and she turned off my phone and left her 2 cats and one was realy like mine and I had no way to take care these old cats and this lady took them when I was in the hospital and she said she killed them. This also was my 15 heart failure. I have 5 chronic illnesses and only 30% blood circulation and total nerve damage in spine and legs and neck and THIS is ONLY half of the crosses I am telling you to keep it short.

I was once feeling like you are now. It is perfectly normal to experience. You are going through many many deaths. God is pruning you and pruning involves cutting away and that is very painful. The one’s He has set aside just for Him are the ones that carry the heaviest crosses. He is giving you the gift of being with Him on the cross. This is for you and for you to give to Him for others. For me,everytime a new cross is added I do go through some emotions about it,but over the years it is a faster process of emotions and mixed with thankfulness now. But be patient with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. I too am so weak. But in our weakness is our Strength because that is exactly when Our Lord works in and through us. This is when we are not in the way of Him working through us. Hold on tight to Jesus on the cross. Constantlly pray. I understand it is unbarealbe. And I am so sorry in one way for you,but in another,you are being so blessed and one day you will experience that.
You must have a very big heart. Those I have noticed are the one’s God picks speacial for Him. Trust God. He knows what He is doing for you. This life is so short. Soon it will be over. I read your about you page and your likes are my likes too. I thought that was interesting. Not a biggie,but fun to see. God Bless you and you are in my prayers ALL day everyday
Spirit
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:bighanky: You make my sufferings seem like candy. :sad_yes: I can’t imagine what you must be going through dear heart. I am so SO sorry spiritualunity. If you need anything, anything at all, you know how to reach me. :hug3:
 
Suffering IS Spiritual candy!!
It just is a different flavor you will need to get use to and eventually it will taste sweet.
I do not need anything except prayers. I like prayers for me to love God more and through this love to allow His will be done always every day and have final perserverance and salvation.
There IS nothing else to want really,then God’s will to be done.

Much love and prayers my sister in Christ,
Spirit
 
Psalm 86 a prayer in time of distress.

Incline your ear, O Lord; answer me,
for I am afflicted and poor.
Keep my life, for I am devoted to You;
save your servant who trusts in You.
You are my God; have pity on me,
O Lord,
for to you I call all the day.
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
For You ,O Lord, are good and forgiving,
abounding in kindness to all who call upon You.

He is so abounding in Kindness and forgiveness! He hears us when we cry out to Him! When we are in distress He hears us! And He is near. Thank You Lord Jesus! Thank You Father! For your Love endures forever!!
 
Convert_in_99 said:
When all you get are crosses. One after another, after another. My life is filled with crosses. One more added today. :crying: Only more crosses are added, rarely is one taken away. What is God calling me to? And why me? Why do others get comfort and normalcy and I get crosses? Big heavy, crushing crosses. I didn’t sign up for this. I’m not strong enough. How do I carry this weight, how do I keep going on. Every day feels like a nightmare. A bad dream that I must somehow move through, but I just want to wake up. I want the nightmare to be over. I don’t want to have to live like this day in and day out, and yet, I have no choice. I can either be crushed by heavy crosses, or deny my faith. Of course I’ll take the crosses, but it’s hard. So incredibly hard to let yourself be crushed (in a sense) by God and the weight of all the crosses He gives when all you want to do is be loved and nurtured and held by Him. But comfort and consolation are not for me. I get pain, sorrow, sadness, suffering, loss. Sometimes I like to be on here just to read about the normalcy of life. My life seems far from normal right now. I don’t know if I’ve ever been ‘normal,’ or really even what that must be like without reading about it. It’s so hard. I need some strength and support and cyber hugs. Please pray for me. I’m really desperately needing prayers right now. :crying:
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:signofcross:

Oh, yeah, panic attacks - yup yup yup. They’re awful. I once got some meds for what was supposed to be bronchitis, and they caused all-day panic attacks, when the couple of times I’ve had them before they only lasted five minutes or so.

Have you listened to Fr. John Corapi’s CD about the Cross and suffering? I won’t forget to pray for you.
 
More panic attacks today. 😦 All day. I am sore and weak from them, my eyes and throat hurt from crying, my heart is racing and hurts, my heat hurts, it hurts to breathe. On top of everything else I’m already enduring it is just too much. It is the last straw. I cannot lift it. The load is too heavy, my strength is too weak. And yet, Jesus is calling me to pick this cross up and carry it, but how? My husband is calling our insurance tomorrow and we are going to try to medication for them, but we have to go through the hoops of the system first. It looks as though it could take a few weeks before I can even get scheduled for an appointment, let alone how long the medication will take to actually work. It is going to be a long road ahead. Why did I have to start having these on top of everything else. Siiiiiigh. 😦

You have no idea what you all mean to me. Your kindness and compassion, your prayers, your sacrifices. I have not the strength to do those for myself right now. Thank you so much for helping lift me up to Jesus. Like the man who had no one to put him into the pool to be healed, so too I have not the strength to go to Jesus without help. You are helping me get to Jesus for healing. I can’t possibly ever thank you enough. :hug3:
 
Convert_in_99 said:
More panic attacks today. 😦 All day. I am sore and weak from them, my eyes and throat hurt from crying, my heart is racing and hurts, my heat hurts, it hurts to breathe. On top of everything else I’m already enduring it is just too much. It is the last straw. I cannot lift it. The load is too heavy, my strength is too weak. And yet, Jesus is calling me to pick this cross up and carry it, but how? My husband is calling our insurance tomorrow and we are going to try to medication for them, but we have to go through the hoops of the system first. It looks as though it could take a few weeks before I can even get scheduled for an appointment, let alone how long the medication will take to actually work. It is going to be a long road ahead. Why did I have to start having these on top of everything else. Siiiiiigh. 😦

You have no idea what you all mean to me. Your kindness and compassion, your prayers, your sacrifices. I have not the strength to do those for myself right now. Thank you so much for helping lift me up to Jesus. Like the man who had no one to put him into the pool to be healed, so too I have not the strength to go to Jesus without help. You are helping me get to Jesus for healing. I can’t possibly ever thank you enough. :hug3:
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A long time ago,when I converted and some suffering,not too much but still hard for me to deal with he said to me, give these sufferings to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. And I said but I am suffering all day long. He replied, sometimes it is minute to minute we have to offer up our sufferings, over and over and over again. Also, he said, look for those times of comfort that come,maybe a very short time,but they do come because the Holy Spirit is the comforter. Please try doing what my old priest said. He died last year and I still have his card telling to do this everyday. And now that he is dead, what he told me to do in person and in a note card takes on extra meaning for me.
I know it willl help if you do it, Then as you experience the comfort no matter how small at first and it builds. You will not regret doing this.
Spirit
 
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