When Children refuse to convert

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A co-worker/fellow parishner converted to the church several years back but the children all refused along with the wife. This year she is but the 3 kids all do not want to. They range in age from 11 to 16. They are happy in their church. The oldest one is actually belligerent about going to Catholic church. He was even thrown out of RCIA and Youth. He claims he is picked on there ane every one is mean to him. He even flipped out on someone during mass. The church actually does NOT WANT him converting. He insists on staying in his church. Now he has threatened to leave home if they persist. The wife has tried punishing him for refusing but several people in the former church have volunteered to take him in should he choose to leave. He has threatened to leave and call child services and make accusations of abuse if they continue to persist with him. Are they obligated to force our other kids to join? The parents ready to give up on converting the 16 year old. I am affraid if they persist or that he will leave and we will never see him again.

The kid claims the people in this church are just mean. As a result they are trying to see a therapist. Now our other 2 are refusing to convert. Should they force them. They tried nudging them. They just started therapy last week. My coworker tells me his wife cries constantly and asks where did she go wrong. She has considered canceling conversion. She now feels the family is more important staying together.

CAN KIDS DECIDE NOT TO CONVERT ONCE THEY REACH COMFIRMATION AGE? Should parents just back off. I think they should. The pastor of both churches thinks they need a therapist, where they have gone. The pastor of the catholic church wants everyone except the oldest son. He says he is better off where he is. I am thinking that as well but because of the anger displayed in the past few months it may not be that simple. Also the son hates his mother for “betraying him” and siding with the “evil priests and people in that awful church”. I feel his mother should side with her son regardless of whether he is right or wrong. This couple is just confused. I have met the son and he seems decent and never seemed unusual until the past year.
 
At 16 you’re in the age area where he has to make the decision himself, to be honest. Forcing him to join won’t do any good, especially since he already has friends where he was.

If the youngest is resisting it’s probably because of the influence of the elder, and not because he actually objects to the Catholic Faith.
 
Markd69 said:
Hi

A co-worker/fellow parishner converted to the church several years back but the children all refused along with the wife. This year she is but the 3 kids all do not want to. They range in age from 11 to 16. They are happy in their church. The oldest one is actually belligerent about going to Catholic church. He was even thrown out of RCIA and Youth. He claims he is picked on there ane every one is mean to him. He even flipped out on someone during mass. The church actually does NOT WANT him converting. He insists on staying in his church. Now he has threatened to leave home if they persist. The wife has tried punishing him for refusing but several people in the former church have volunteered to take him in should he choose to leave. He has threatened to leave and call child services and make accusations of abuse if they continue to persist with him. Are they obligated to force our other kids to join? The parents ready to give up on converting the 16 year old. I am affraid if they persist or that he will leave and we will never see him again.

The kid claims the people in this church are just mean. As a result they are trying to see a therapist. Now our other 2 are refusing to convert. Should they force them. They tried nudging them. They just started therapy last week. My coworker tells me his wife cries constantly and asks where did she go wrong. She has considered canceling conversion. She now feels the family is more important staying together.

CAN KIDS DECIDE NOT TO CONVERT ONCE THEY REACH COMFIRMATION AGE? Should parents just back off. I think they should. The pastor of both churches thinks they need a therapist, where they have gone. The pastor of the catholic church wants everyone except the oldest son. He says he is better off where he is. I am thinking that as well but because of the anger displayed in the past few months it may not be that simple. Also the son hates his mother for “betraying him” and siding with the “evil priests and people in that awful church”. I feel his mother should side with her son regardless of whether he is right or wrong. This couple is just confused. I have met the son and he seems decent and never seemed unusual until the past year.
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You can’t force someone no matter what age to accept a certain religious group. As you can see, or what I have read, is that the 16 year old will not learn anything from the CC. He has already disrupted services and feels like he is not wanted, which is true according to what is written. If the 16 year old is happy at the church he/she is presently at then he/she will be a productive Christian. Why do the 2 Chruches think the children need to go to theropy? About the anger, he/she doesn’t want to be forced to do something or join something he/she feels is against what they want. It would be more productive and it would show respect to the children if they lay off and let them go to the church they want to go to. Think about it, they could be doing a lot worse with their life but they choose to go to a chuch which teaches them the right thing to do instead of joining a gang or something like that. I have found that if you pressure someone into a certain religion or anything for that fact, you will just push them farther away from it. We all want what is best for our children but are they doing the best with their children if they are pushing them away from them?
 
It’s wrong to force anyone to convert.

Useless too. You can make the kid say he believes in Catholic teachings, but that doesn’t mean he actually does.
 
They range in age from 11 to 16. They are happy in their church.

Teenagers are going through a lot of changes: mind, body, hormones. Why force them to give up the church and friends that they are happy with? It is wonderful that the parents have found the fullness of truth in the CC, but you can not force the children to convert.

Therapy is probably a good thing to deal with the anger and communication issues.

Maybe the parents can go alone to Saturday Mass and then attend services with their children at the old church on Sunday. If the children want to attend without the parents then I would give them their space and let them go.

As parents, just be happy that the children are going to a church and reading the Bible. Be thankful the children are not doing drugs, into a gang or other crimminal or immoral things.

The parents should concentrate on learning all they can about Catholicism; so when the children do have questions and/or misconceptions about it, the parents can give a correct answer.

This family needs a lot of prayers!

Jean
 
Parents cannot make the decision to bring a child over the age of 7 into full communion with the Catholic Church. Only the child-- who is considered an adult under Canon Law after age 7-- can do so.

Stop trying to force the children to convert. The Catholic Church teaches a conversion can never be coerced. And, what kind of damage are you doing to these children by trying to force them to convert???
 
If it was just that the oldest really enjoys the other church, feels at home there, and wanted to continue to go, I would say let him be. Or better, let him continue to go but require him to come to Mass, too. No one can make him convert, but they can ask him to be respectful.

But the “siding with the evil priests” and “everyone is mean” comments, as well as the “people from the other church are willing to take him in” seems very bothersome. The fact that he’s willing to accuse the parents of child abuse, too.

What kind of church is this other church? Do they teach that Catholics are evil? It’s one thing for the kid to be upset about his parents changing, but the vehemence of the response makes me wonder what the 16-year old has been told. 😦

Shouldn’t the other church want to encourage him to love and honor his parents, even if he didn’t agree with them? Why would they condone this kind of behavior?
 
That would just be bad for all parties involved. The kids would be disgruntled about leaving their current church and joining a church that they view with antipathy. The parents would feel bad dragging and forcing the kids to a church they so vehemently oppose. Most importantly, the religion it’s self is actually at detriment here as well because these three individuals would most certainly leave the faith and quite possibly the religion of Christianity as well.

Catholics always complain about those “cafeteria” Catholics, who they view as non committed to actual church teaching…these are the cases that cause “cafeteria” Catholicism – people who are not really committed to the faith somehow find themselves baptized and confirmed. This is Catholicism of the cafeteria persuasion in the making.

It’s a bad situation for all.
 
In running RCIA I would not force anyone over the age of seven, the age of the use of reason, to convert. God created all with free will, and we should not try to deny that to him by compelling him to violate his conscience in this.

While a parent can probably compel a minor to attend lessons on what Catholicism is, it would probably be counter productive.
 
Markd69 said:
Hi

A

CAN KIDS DECIDE NOT TO CONVERT ONCE THEY REACH COMFIRMATION AGE? .
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the Church not only can but must under canon law refuse to baptise or confirm someone over the age of reason who does not ask for the sacraments and evince a desire to live in the Faith. The parents should have had pastoral counselling much earlier than this. For one thing if what is reported about the teen is true, he is out of bounds no matter where he is. My gut feeling there is a lot more going on with this family than disagreements about religion, when you have the combo of an angry teen who is acting out and controlling parents that is a bad sign. I hope family therapy helps, but they can’t force religion down their throats.
 
Markd69 said:
Hi

A co-worker/fellow parishner converted to the church several years back but the children all refused along with the wife. This year she is but the 3 kids all do not want to. They range in age from 11 to 16. They are happy in their church. The oldest one is actually belligerent about going to Catholic church. He was even thrown out of RCIA and Youth. He claims he is picked on there ane every one is mean to him. He even flipped out on someone during mass. The church actually does NOT WANT him converting. He insists on staying in his church. Now he has threatened to leave home if they persist. The wife has tried punishing him for refusing but several people in the former church have volunteered to take him in should he choose to leave. He has threatened to leave and call child services and make accusations of abuse if they continue to persist with him. Are they obligated to force our other kids to join? The parents ready to give up on converting the 16 year old. I am affraid if they persist or that he will leave and we will never see him again.

The kid claims the people in this church are just mean. As a result they are trying to see a therapist. Now our other 2 are refusing to convert. Should they force them. They tried nudging them. They just started therapy last week. My coworker tells me his wife cries constantly and asks where did she go wrong. She has considered canceling conversion. She now feels the family is more important staying together.

CAN KIDS DECIDE NOT TO CONVERT ONCE THEY REACH COMFIRMATION AGE? Should parents just back off. I think they should. The pastor of both churches thinks they need a therapist, where they have gone. The pastor of the catholic church wants everyone except the oldest son. He says he is better off where he is. I am thinking that as well but because of the anger displayed in the past few months it may not be that simple. Also the son hates his mother for “betraying him” and siding with the “evil priests and people in that awful church”. I feel his mother should side with her son regardless of whether he is right or wrong. This couple is just confused. I have met the son and he seems decent and never seemed unusual until the past year.
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I don’t see anywhere in the NT where anyone was forced to ‘convert’. I see many converted by the loving care given with NO strings attached. Tell the parents to stop playing the Holy Spirit in the lives of their children. Tell them to get on their knees often for their children. Tell them to do a better job living their faith remembering ‘actions speak louder than words’. Unloving actions speak LOUD.​

IMO, a ‘faith’ force on anyone is not real faith in the Savior.
 
1ke said:
Parents cannot make the decision to bring a child over the age of 7 into full communion with the Catholic Church. Only the child-- who is considered an adult under Canon Law after age 7-- can do so.

Stop trying to force the children to convert. The Catholic Church teaches a conversion can never be coerced. And, what kind of damage are you doing to these children by trying to force them to convert???
Click to expand...
Very well said. Good advice which I hope the parents follow.
 
The mother of this kid is not upset so much that he does not want to convert but her son refuses to even hear what anyone in the church has to say. During RCIA, the son dominated a couple meetings and upset many of the people there. When the leader corrected him, he said he did not want to be there anyway. The mother feels angry that the son takes out his frusterations on innocent people. She is also angry that her son has burned bridges in this church and has embarrassed her and his step father. Her son calims if these people care so much, they should drop everything and “Help him”. His mother is a control freak that wants her family to stick together, At the same time the son is a control freak as well. The mother defends him to the pastor and assistants stating stuff like he is kidding. She in fact has tried to hide her son’s hostility. Also, the mother had a falling out with several people from her previous church which also is why she is anxious to get everyone out.

My co-worker says the first therapy sesssion made some progress but there is a long way to go. The people in the other church took the son in because there was so much hostility toward his mother on the son’s behalf that there was fear someone could get hurt mentally if not physically. The family that took him in did so at reluctant parental approval with the hope of family healing. The son continues to accuse both parents of child abuse (mental and a threat of economic) One conclusion is that the therapist has gotten into everyone’s head is that “The Mother should continue to convert” and the “Children should not”. The issue is there will continue to be some resentmant on both sides and that is what needs to be addressed. Therapy will go a long way. Hope is the oldest son will move back home in a few months. By the way he has had some problems in teh house where he is staying with rules there (which are somewhat tougher than his own home such as bedttimes, chores, etc). he is finding that ha has to behave wherever he is.
 
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