When Christians of different faith traditions marry

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Tommy999

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A couple of questions for Catholics who are married to a Protestant or an Orthodox, or anyone who has a spouse of a different Christian denomination.

1) What are some of the negative aspects of such a relationship?
I assume the faith tradition the child will be raised in can be a bone of contention.
Another one that comes to mind is attending church alone without your spouse.
Are there any others?

2) What are some of the positives?

**3) Knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again? **

Just curious… Thanks. May the Lord bless all of you.
 
My wife and I have been married 36 years this month. She was espiscopal, until this easter when she became Catholic. We have never had problems, likewise we never had children (physical problems…). So question 1 is outside my ricebowl so to speak. Both our sets of parents died within our first decade of marriage so there have never been issues from family.

Positives? 36 years together should answer that!

Never has religion been a problem. I’ve attended a few episcopal service, but mostly my wife has attended catholic services with me. Admittedly, there was a good 15-20 years when we lapsed and didn’t attend mass. We always said we were spiritual, and prayed quit often, then went back recently. My only complaint/ regret was not going back sooner! My wife had been thinking about converting for a while, just never expressed it until I made the move to return. Our loss.

The only thing I would change is lapsing from the church-it really is important
 
My wife and I were raised in very different faith traditions, I was raised Catholic and am now Anglican and she was originally very early raised a little Lutheran by her grandma and then nothing in particular by her folks… and we’ve never had any issues. Answering your questions posed…
  1. Faith of our daughter has not been a bone of contention. As I am the more religious of the two of us we’ve thus far agreed that I’ll take the lead in that area. We had our daughter baptised Anglican and she has attended mass with me on occasion, my wife too. Typically I do attend church alone though, but I don’t consider that a negative, it just is.
  2. Don’t know if I’ve noted anything specifically positive about it other than my wife does get to come experience mass or other services on occasion with me and seems to enjoy them.
  3. We’ve been together 15 years and I’ve no regrets. 👍
 
My sponsor was Pentecostal and married a devout Catholic.

They made it work until he eventually converted to the CC. They both attended each other’s churches for years. She said she really got to appreciate the Pentecostal worship and devotion to the Lord. No animosity, ever, there.
 
My husband is a member of the United Church of Canada (formed in 1925 by a merger of primarily Methodist Church, Canada, the Congregational Union of Ontario and Quebec, two-thirds of the congregations of the Presbyterian Church in Canada). We’ve been married 41 years.

Long before we got married we had discussed how our children would be raised. When I brought it up he immediately said, “the faith of the parent with the strongest faith so obviously they’ll be baptized Catholic.” He never deviated from that and supported the children by learning prayers in French so he could pray with them at bedtime when I wasn’t home, by being there if he could whenever they had milestones in the Church, and by supporting me by being at Mass with them whenever I had to be involved in ministry.

Difficulties: I’ve matured in my faith and my understanding of Church doctrine. Things that were OK as far as my university chaplain was concerned I’ve come to understand are not OK. Things I had no guilt about in my 20s, 30s and early 40s, I’ve come to discover are wrong and that’s difficult to explain to someone who doesn’t share the same values or the same beliefs. I’m sure he’s confused that the rules have changed mid-game.
 
Phemie said:
My husband is a member of the United Church of Canada (formed in 1925 by a merger of primarily Methodist Church, Canada, the Congregational Union of Ontario and Quebec, two-thirds of the congregations of the Presbyterian Church in Canada). We’ve been married 41 years.
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My wife is a member of the United Church of Canada, and the daughter and grand-daughter of UCC ministers.

We have the occasional difference over religion, and raising our daughters, but mostly we manage to work it out.
 
  1. IDK, I’m sure that with some couples how the children are raised are an issue. Not so much with us. Only issue is I don’t really get to be part of our children’s religious upbringing.
I won’t go to church alone, so it can be an issue with me that we never go to my church. To piggy back off of that, in many mixed relationships the spouse who’s faith takes a back seat can tend to become less religious. I know this is happening with me. We had a back and forth a few weeks ago (my wife doesn’t like the non-denom church in our town) and finding a church for me. She said “I don’t see the big deal, it seems you don’t want to go to church anyway” to my reply “well, you won’t go mine with me, I won’t go alone, I don’t like going to Mass but will if you do…so ya, I guess not”

I’m pretty left out at church and church functions, also not fun to be the 9th wheel at church during the holidays.
  1. Spending the rest of your life with the person you love.
  2. Probably, would be easier to say yes if my family were in a more open and welcoming Parrish.
 
Wife’s family is Orthodox with clergy family members, she joined my Eastern Catholic Church (same Tradition/patrimony) at our engagement. Never been much of a problem, except some times we want to attend both for holidays or occasions and can’t since they have scheduled Liturgy at the same time. Also makes me appreciate the positives of each and sometimes notice what’s missing in the other that could be incorporated.
 
Tommy999 said:
A couple of questions for Catholics who are married to a Protestant or an Orthodox, or anyone who has a spouse of a different Christian denomination. I’m Lutheran, married for 35 years to a lapsed Baptist (spiritual but not religious).

1) What are some of the negative aspects of such a relationship? We struggled over infant baptism for about 10 years, but our youngest 4 children were baptised as babies. I’m not sure if he changed his beliefs or if I just wore him down. He has attended our grandkids’ baptisms and soon the first of the confirmations, but never comes with me for Sunday Divine Services. I wish it were different.

2) What are some of the positives? Over the years, I have spent a lot of time studying the Lutheran Confessions, various writings of the Church Fathers and the Catholic Catechism in order to explain my beliefs to him (over and over). This has had the effect of greatly deepening my faith.

**3) Knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again? ** That’s a bit difficult. Like the woman at the well, my marriage may be culturally legal but I have become convinced that it wouldn’t pass muster with Jesus due to his previous marriage and divorce. I love my husband very much and we are each other’s best friends, but if I took my faith as seriously back then, I likely would not have married him.

Just curious… Thanks. May the Lord bless all of you.
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Thanks to all for the insightful replies. Sounds like most of you would do it over again if you had the chance. I am glad your relationships seem to have worked out well, for the most part.

A follow-up question, if you don’t mind. :
**What is the key for sustaining such a relationship? **

In gleaning from some of the answers already given, it sounds like discussing things and ironing out the issue of how kids will be raised ahead of time is important, as well as respecting each others’s faith.

My wife and I are both Methodists, but we have our differences. I prefer more liturgy and more traditional hymns and praise songs, whereas my wife likes less liturgy and more of the the “high energy” praise songs that sound like a rock concert music to me.

We have a traditional service and a contemporary one. I like the traditional one with the pastors in vestments, hymn-singing, The Apostles’ Creed in unison, The Our Father in unison, etc, and she likes the other one where the pastor dresses casually and there is a “praise team” with guitars, drums, and other musical instruments, so we kind of compromise on that and switch back and forth from time to time and try to make the best of it.

In her defense, she made the biggest compromise of all because she was Assembly of God and switched to Methodist because of me, so she is still super in my book. 👍
 
Stilldreamn said:
anyone who has a spouse of a different Christian denomination. I’m Lutheran, married for 35 years to a lapsed Baptist (spiritual but not religious).
  1. What are some of the negative aspects of such a relationship? We struggled over infant baptism for about 10 years, but our youngest 4 children were baptised as babies. I’m not sure if he changed his beliefs or if I just wore him down. He has attended our grandkids’ baptisms and soon the first of the confirmations, but never comes with me for Sunday Divine Services. I wish it were different.
  2. What are some of the positives? Over the years, I have spent a lot of time studying the Lutheran Confessions, various writings of the Church Fathers and the Catholic Catechism in order to explain my beliefs to him (over and over). This has had the effect of greatly deepening my faith.
  3. Knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again? That’s a bit difficult. Like the woman at the well, my marriage may be culturally legal but I have become convinced that it wouldn’t pass muster with Jesus due to his previous marriage and divorce. I love my husband very much and we are each other’s best friends, but if I took my faith as seriously back then, I likely would not have married him.
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Thank you for your honesty. I am sure it was not easy to write. I know what you mean about taking the faith more seriously back in younger days. I have many regrets (happily not in the case of who I married).
 
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