When Devotional Practice Becomes Torturous

Status
Not open for further replies.
S

scrupulousrvrt

Member
I’ve been “Praying” the Rosary ever since last march, but since then my stamina for the Rosary has dwindled down to 2 decades everyday just to satisfy God’s justice. I have almost no energy at the end of the day to pray the rosary (I’ll try a decade every 3 hours in the morning), and my scruples are getting in the way of my prayer life. It’s aggravating! I want to pray and pray with gusto but I just don’t have the energy. I could force myself to do it, but then it stops being meritorious and starts being torturous. Any advice on how to recharge my spiritual batteries? (besides praying about it, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament, more prayer?)
 
Three things that helped me:

–change the time of day that I pray the Rosary. Evenings get tricky for me because I get sleepy. Same with early afternoon. Try finding a time (say right before supper) that will suit you better, even if that means getting up earlier in the morning.

–try a 54 day rosary novena for something that’s really meaningful and serious. Something you really hope for. You’ll find that after you pray 18 days (or 24 or 40, etc.), on the 19th you are tired or don’t feel like it and then SNAP, you realize, “hey, I don’t want to start the novena all over again so I better pray the rosary now”…that carries me through. I did a few 54 day novenas back to back and found that really got me on track and made the rosary part of my day.

–Ask Mary to touch your heart and give you a special love for the Rosary. It may take some time, or she may give you this gift right away, but don’t quit asking. And if you ask Jesus in Adoration or in the Tabernacle before Mass to soften your heart for Mary and to give you a love for the Rosary, this will help foster devotion too. Keep asking.
 
My wife only prays the Joyful Mysteries because the others are too “heavy”.

She prays the Rosary early in the morning, but sometimes it is so relaxing that she falls asleep.

I carry my beads with me at all times. And when I brush the beads in my shirt pocket, it reminds me to say a few Hail Mary’s. Or to run through the 20 mysteries quickly.

My spiritual director and I have discussed this … saying the Rosary while driving is difficult because of the need to stay focused on driving. One day he said he stopped in traffic because of a terrible accident up ahead and when he pulled off and tried to visit the injured and dead, the state troopers said it was so dangerous, too dangerous, so he had to bless the victims from his car through the open window.

We live in a busy society.

It is nice to have a soothing garden to sit and reflect.

My wife and I enjoy that.

And then the mosquitos attack.

We built a foot bridge across a teeny tiny drainage ditch. You can step across it … except after a rain … it’s right in the back yard. But … the landscape timbers were not up to the task. A friend with a pick-up truck had brought them from Home Depot. ] It got more complicated and we had to run an extension cord with a mosquito zapper. Just so we could sit and pray!

Life is complicated.

I was showing someone the partly completed foot bridge and he pointed out a snake skin in the water … left behind by a snake that had shed its skin.

And all we wanted was a calm place to pray.

Not supposed to pray in bed while waiting for sleep to come. Supposedly. But I find the Rosary to be very relaxing.

[Have you ever had tea with Mary and Jesus and Joseph? It’s pretty neat.]

Some places have the Rosary before or after Mass, but it seems like a competition, sometimes. When I try to focus on the words and the thoughts … then they want me to … take up the words. And then I lose the relaxed feeling.

There is a pew in church that I like … I get “accused” of sticking to one seat all the time … but it is next to the radiator and is comfortable in cold weather. It is toward the back of the church … and sometimes they want me to lead. [Why?]

Once upon a time, I found the local pastor in another parish, sitting in church praying. Shocking, for a priest to be in church praying during an off-hour. But he always sat in the same place. So one day I sat in “his” seat … and found he had a library there. So I began to copy down the names of his books for meditation and started buying them and started a whole new library.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I’ve been “Praying” the Rosary ever since last march, but since then my stamina for the Rosary has dwindled down to 2 decades everyday just to satisfy God’s justice.
Click to expand...
I’m really not sure what you mean about “satisfying God’s justice”. You are under no obligation to pray the rosary at all, it’s a personal devotion that a lot of people find beneficial, but it’s not obligatory in the way the Sunday mass is.

If 2 decades is all you can do, then that’s what you do. If you’re able to do more, that’s wonderful. If you can only do 1 decade or even none, that’s fine too. I’m not saying you should give it up altogether. In fact, you can ask God’s help to continue doing as much of it as you can. But you are not expected to do *more *than you can.
 
I often will pray the Rosary at the end of the day. A priest once said that it’s like Mary herself is rocking you to sleep, so I don’t fret if that happens.

But as another poster mentioned, there’s no obligation to pray it, and if you step away for a while to do another devotion that’s perfectly fine.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I’ve been “Praying” the Rosary ever since last march, but since then my stamina for the Rosary has dwindled down to 2 decades everyday just to satisfy God’s justice. I have almost no energy at the end of the day to pray the rosary (I’ll try a decade every 3 hours in the morning), and my scruples are getting in the way of my prayer life. It’s aggravating! I want to pray and pray with gusto but I just don’t have the energy. I could force myself to do it, but then it stops being meritorious and starts being torturous. Any advice on how to recharge my spiritual batteries? (besides praying about it, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament, more prayer?)
Click to expand...
advancedchristianity.com/

You may want to try some of the MP3s available at the above site. Father Venard Poslusney was a Carmelite priest and a retreat master. Spiritual direction was his forte.

I highly recommend “Becoming a Mature Christian” conference on that site.

Peace,

Dorothy
 
Do you meditate while praying the rosary and contemplating how you can follow Christ in his examples, how you can change your life to be a living icon for him?

It is crucial to meditate on the mysteries and how to apply them to your own life, otherwise the the rosary is like a body without a soul.

Also find time to say at least a 5 decade chaplet, the full rosary is 15 decades, but if you don’t have the time pray each set of mysteries in one sitting, this ensures that you give time for yourself to truly pray and meditate with the Holy Spirit.

If you have trouble focusing on the mysteries try praying with by inserting a “reminder” after “blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus” “Him Whom thou didst conceive.” “Holy Mary, Mother of God… ect”

preces-latinae.org/thesaurus/BVM/Rosarium.html

That site may help refocus your efforts with the holy rosary, which is a great shield against sin.
 
I often take long bike rides on secluded bike trails. On these rides I can’t use rosary beads to pray the rosary because my hands are on the handle bars. But I keep track of the Hail Marys by how I squeeze my fingers as follows (‘X’ means squeezing):

Left Hand _ _ Right Hand
0 0 0 X _ _ 0 0 0 0
0 0 X X _ _ 0 0 0 0
0 X X X _ _ 0 0 0 0
0 0 X X _ _ 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 X _ _ 0 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 _ _ X 0 0 0
0 0 0 0 _ _ X X 0 0
0 0 0 0 _ _ X X X 0
0 0 0 0 _ _ X X 0 0
0 0 0 0 _ _ X 0 0 0

I find it as easy as using a physical rosary when that is not practical, so I can meditate on the mysteries instead of carefully counting to 10.
 
I know well what you mean. MY older sister is a big proponent of praying the entire 20 decades at once.
I can only do one set of mysteries at a time, and sometimes, not complete that due to sleep or interruptions. It’s fine.

One thing I do, is to pray while stuck in traffic or on long commutes. Better than the radio, and I really like the notion of having an Ave said over the pavement over which so many people travel, for their safety as well. 🙂
 
Would you consider a different devotional practice? Is there a reason you feel that the rosary is the best choice for you?
I struggle with praying the rosary as well, and wonder if there would be another practice that would bear more fruit. Maybe devotional reading, a different set of prayers, something else?
 
seagal said:
I’m really not sure what you mean about “satisfying God’s justice”.
Click to expand...
He means that we owe God some level of worship out of mere justice, since we are creatures totally dependent on Him.
 
Have you tried a recording of the Rosary to pray along with, with music and meditations? 🙂 I sure do like my Dana & Fr. Kevin Scallon Mother of Mercy Rosary of Healing. It might also be comforting in your struggle with scruples. I just have it on my tablet in MP3 and put my headphones on and pray. They also have a nice version of the Stations of the Cross. amazon.com/Rosary-Dana-Fr-Kevin-Scallon/dp/B00AKZEUC4

Please be patient with yourself and remember that the devil wants you to feel tormented and not at peace with God. God knows you want to be close to Him even if it is a struggle with weak human nature. Believe in the mercy of God and put aside these notions of “satisfying God’s justice” which keep you locked into a fear pattern instead of a trust pattern with Him.

Can’t remember if I shared with you this link so sharing it here in case I didn’t. Really good article. catholic.com/magazine/articles/scrupulosity-the-occupational-hazard-of-the-catholic-moral-life
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I’ve been “Praying” the Rosary ever since last march, but since then my stamina for the Rosary has dwindled down to 2 decades everyday just to satisfy God’s justice. I have almost no energy at the end of the day to pray the rosary (I’ll try a decade every 3 hours in the morning), and my scruples are getting in the way of my prayer life. It’s aggravating! I want to pray and pray with gusto but I just don’t have the energy. I could force myself to do it, but then it stops being meritorious and starts being torturous. Any advice on how to recharge my spiritual batteries? (besides praying about it, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament, more prayer?)
Click to expand...
If you suffer from scruples, you should be under the care of a spiritual director.

I have no idea what you mean by saying “two decades of the rosary every day just to satisfy God’s justice” – but that is a very concerning phrase, indeed. You are under no obligation to say the rosary ever.

The rosary is just a private devotion…and perhaps it is one not suited to you or to your disposition. There is a whole great patrimony of prayer and spirituality. Rather than forcing yourself to do one that you find so enervating, why don’t you choose something better suited to your temperament and preferences instead of doing such violence to yourself.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
I’ve been “Praying” the Rosary ever since last march, but since then my stamina for the Rosary has dwindled down to 2 decades everyday just to satisfy God’s justice. I have almost no energy at the end of the day to pray the rosary (I’ll try a decade every 3 hours in the morning), and my scruples are getting in the way of my prayer life. It’s aggravating! I want to pray and pray with gusto but I just don’t have the energy. I could force myself to do it, but then it stops being meritorious and starts being torturous. Any advice on how to recharge my spiritual batteries? (besides praying about it, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament, more prayer?)
Click to expand...
This reminds me of the beginning of a lot of stories, that end with the person undergoing exorcism and then feeling completely better.

I’m not saying to do that, mind you. On the contrary, I’m pretty skeptical of such storries. It actually sounds to me that you need encouragement more than you need prayer advice. I hereby encourage you.
 
scrupulousrvrt said:
Any advice on how to recharge my spiritual batteries? (besides praying about it, praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament, more prayer?)
Click to expand...
People report different things work for them. I doubt there is one method that is guaranteed to work for everyone. But whenever I hear the discussion turn to these “spiritual feeling” issues, I am reminded of Mother Teresa, now Saint Teresa of Calcutta. According to her diaries, she went through years and years of “spiritual dryness” where she said she did not feel the consolation of God’s presence or feel inspired. When we seek a recharge of our spiritual batteries, it is important to remember that this was a grace that for a long time was denied to this holy woman. Yet despite that withholding of grace from her experience, she lived an exemplary life. She had great faith, even if she didn’t feel it. And she knew obedience. Apparently the comfort she failed to get through spiritual inspiration she derived from her simple act of obedience. If such a holy woman could persevere through spiritual dryness in such an admirable way, we can take from this that not feeling spiritually inspired is not a sign of God’s displeasure with us. Of course, spiritual inspiration is great when it comes, and is a good thing to seek, but if we don’t find it, we can try to emulate Mother Teresa and look for consolation in obedience instead.
 
LeafByNiggle said:
People report different things work for them. I doubt there is one method that is guaranteed to work for everyone. But whenever I hear the discussion turn to these “spiritual feeling” issues, I am reminded of Mother Teresa, now Saint Teresa of Calcutta. According to her diaries, she went through years and years of “spiritual dryness” where she said she did not feel the consolation of God’s presence or feel inspired. When we seek a recharge of our spiritual batteries, it is important to remember that this was a grace that for a long time was denied to this holy woman. Yet despite that withholding of grace from her experience, she lived an exemplary life. She had great faith, even if she didn’t feel it. And she knew obedience. Apparently the comfort she failed to get through spiritual inspiration she derived from her simple act of obedience. If such a holy woman could persevere through spiritual dryness in such an admirable way, we can take from this that not feeling spiritually inspired is not a sign of God’s displeasure with us. Of course, spiritual inspiration is great when it comes, and is a good thing to seek, but if we don’t find it, we can try to emulate Mother Teresa and look for consolation in obedience instead.
Click to expand...
Excellent post, thank you. Mother Teresa suffered a long “Dark night of the soul”. That is how the Lord tests those who remain faithful and obedient in spite of the lack of consolations. He desires to draw us closer to Him. It helps much to have a spiritual director when a soul is confronted with this.
 
LeafByNiggle said:
People report different things work for them. I doubt there is one method that is guaranteed to work for everyone. But whenever I hear the discussion turn to these “spiritual feeling” issues, I am reminded of Mother Teresa, now Saint Teresa of Calcutta. According to her diaries, she went through years and years of “spiritual dryness” where she said she did not feel the consolation of God’s presence or feel inspired. When we seek a recharge of our spiritual batteries, it is important to remember that this was a grace that for a long time was denied to this holy woman. Yet despite that withholding of grace from her experience, she lived an exemplary life. She had great faith, even if she didn’t feel it. And she knew obedience. Apparently the comfort she failed to get through spiritual inspiration she derived from her simple act of obedience. If such a holy woman could persevere through spiritual dryness in such an admirable way, we can take from this that not feeling spiritually inspired is not a sign of God’s displeasure with us. Of course, spiritual inspiration is great when it comes, and is a good thing to seek, but if we don’t find it, we can try to emulate Mother Teresa and look for consolation in obedience instead.
Click to expand...
Exactly what I try to remind myself of … great advice.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top