It’s a much different society today:
A) It used to be (1950s) that when dad went out to work in the morning he was making 3X what any other worker in the world was making for the same job. Those days are gone.
B) It used to be that dad, or recent son graduate could walk into any car manufacturing plant and get a job if he had any kind of connection. And with unions in place he made the kind of money with just a high school diploma that could support 3, 3, 4, or more kids and even send them through college. Those days are gone.
C) It used to be that state’s paid up to 70% of the cost at a state college. This meant a kid could come home, work hard over the summer, and have about enough to make it though the next year. Those days are gone
I think parents have an obligation to make sure their kids have at least as good a chance, if not better chance, to live a successful and happy life. It’s getting very difficult to do that with a large family.
Any gardner can tell you being fruitful and multiplying does not mean plant all the seed you can as close together as possible.
I’ve only read about half of this thread, but I like this post and think there is a lot of discernment here.
Our U.S. culture and government have gradually become more and more “child-unfriendly”, putting families under tremendous negative pressure. It is obvious that many marriages and families crumple under this pressure and
do not survive.
The support systems that used to exist for families with children aren’t around anymore. It used to be that most moms stayed home and took care of children, so there was plenty of company in the neighborhood and always a friendly face to lend a cup of sugar or a bit of advice about teething, fever, or the best way to handle a child’s sassiness.
Or there used to be wonderful parishes and churches where everyone knew each other and got together outside of church to help each other out.
And the teachers in schools were parental allies instead of enemies–they actually used to back up what parents taught at home about morals and behavior. Now the teacher will turn you in to Child Protective Services if they see any evidence that you are “abusing” your child. (Just talking sternly could be considered abuse nowadays.)
And the media used to support a parent’s efforts, too. How many of us remember when television shows were “child-friendly” until 9:00 p.m.? (10:00 p.m. Eastern Time). Now the gratuitous sex and violence starts up at 7:00 p.m., or since most people have cable, it’s on constantly. And anyone who dares to suggest a little reigning-in of the dirty stuff gets labeled a “extremist” and accused of censorship, and is told to “just turn it off.” Well, that would be fine except that all the other kids in the neighborhood are watching it.
And it used to be that most of us lived somewhat close to extended family, but not anymore. Even if we live close, our parents are still working! No time!
So with no support system, it is necessary for many parents to go it almost entirely on their own. That is really hard,
And there’s more.
Taxes take a monstrous chunk of a family income. I’m not just talking federal income taxes. My husband and I have the “privilege” of living in a city with some of the highest property taxes (percentage) in the U.S., mainly due to a deseg lawsuit that destroyed our public schools.
In many families, just to make ends meet (no luxuries), both spouses have to work, and sometimes at least one of the spouses will work two jobs. And gone are the days when a man settled into a job after high school or college and stayed at that job for 30 years, earning a nice pension. Most men and women change jobs several times during their working years. This is tough on kids, BTW–the moving and the insecurity.
Speaking of public schools, it is a rare Christian family who can actually send their children to public schools these days. We tried for five years in our city, but were continually challenged by belligerent teachers (members of the local union) who actually told parents, “You aren’t qualifed to take care of children–we teachers have the training.” I did NOT want my children in such a toxic, irreverent, and at times, evil atmosphere.
So that meant a huge chunk of our income had to go to private schools. Or we could have chosen to homeschool. Either way, it’s not the way it was back when I was growing up and Mom could have a few hours of quiet every day while we were at the free public school down the road learning the same values that she would teach us at home.
And there’s the loneliness that families endure. When I was growing up, my parents had friends over all the time, and we had picnics with them, and just sat and talked on the porch. Now most of us don’t know our neighbors, and don’t have time for friendly get-togethers. And many of the people we do know do NOT share our values or our faith. For many of us, we are around people and noise and cacaphony all day long, so we would rather just hide in our houses when we get home.
And houses–they cost a fortune! It’s almost impossible to buy a house nowadays that doesn’t cost at least a tenth of million dollars!
Anyway, I could go on and on, but the point is, this world and this country are not friendly to children and families. It is extremely difficult for parents to raise children with Christian values and train them up in the way they should go while at the same time, giving them the appropriate freedom to grow up and become mature adults. I don’t think parents avoid having children because of the inconvenience. I think that many parents are exhausted and scared and simply can’t find the resources to adequately raise more than a few children.
I’m a disorganized mess, but I love my life!
