When did you..

[DoYouKnow]

Hi everybody,

You all were so helpful with my other questions, I’m hoping you can enlighten me as to why men are like this.

My husband and I were talking last night and the topic of babies came up. Now, both of us are excited to be parents and recieve that wonderful blessing from God.

So you all understand I guess where I’m coming from and where my concern is coming from…I was born a couple months early, I was 1lb when I was born. God must have had a plan for me or I wouldnt be here still. (atleast that’s what i think) Now I’m 5’1 and 90lbs at 24yrs.

I’ve never been able to gain a significant amount of weight no matter how hard I tried…and still try.

I guess my concern is when I get pregnant how soon should I tell my husband…the only reason I ask is because im so tiny if I misscarry is it selfish to not want to tell my husband I was pregnant at all so if anything happens he doesnt go through the pain. He can’t change the outcome so why cause him pain?

Now his point is he doesnt care he wants to know as soon as I know even if the outcome isnt what we had planned it’s what God planned. He said it’s not like it would be my fault, it’s God’s plan and he has a plan for all of us. It’s just our choice to listen to Him or not.

On a side note - I did pick up the books and one other from the book store that you all suggested. So thankyou!

God Bless,
Jessica

 

[nova147]

When you married, you and your husband became one, tell him right away about a pregnancy. Miscarriage is extremely painful, both physically and emotionally – don’t shoulder the pain alone. While I understand your desire to protect him from the pain, if you ever suffer a miscarriage, you will need his support. Not telling him will mean that you have to hide all of that pain from him. It is hard enough to hide it from family and friends who didn’t know; hiding it from your spouse would be nearly impossible.

Have doctors told you that you will have trouble with pregnancy? If not, don’t worry unnecessarily! I’ll be praying for your family.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I agree with Nova… tell him right away! It’s HIS baby too.
Miscarriages are extremely difficult, so having his support would be important.
Have doctors told you that you’ll have difficulty with pregnancy? If not, I wouldn’t worry about it yet.
God bless!

 

[DoYouKnow]

Thanks again for the fast replies!
As much as I want to protect him from that kind of pain, you are both right…it is his baby too.

Doctors haven’t yet told me I will have trouble, but I have asked and no one has ever given me a straight answer, so that is my reason for concern.

My mother, as well as her younger sister both had premies.
I was 3 months early, my brother was 2.-she had one misscarriage before i came along
My aunts first son was 2 months and her second son was 3 months early.-she had 3 before her second son.

However my mother and my aunt have two brothers as well. And their wives had full term babies.
So I guess I’m just worried that I will be the same way.
And my low weight, and that I cant gain any weight I’m sure doesnt help either.
I just know how badly my husband wants to have children, its always been important to him. As well its important to me too. I dont want to dissappoint him.

Thanks again
God Bless
Jessica

 

[Truly_Beloved]

And my low weight, and that I cant gain any weight I’m sure doesnt help either.

If this is your primary concern, please be assured that lots of tiny women become pregnant, give birth to healthy full term babies, and go on to successfully nurse their little ones for years.

I’m one of them.

I asked my OB/GYNs many times if my small size would affect my ability to get/stay pregnant, birth, and/or nurse – Sometimes, I got straight answers and sometimes I didn’t. But if there’s anything that will definitely cause you any problems, your doctor will be very straight-forward about it.

I wouldn’t worry.

Family history is very useful information to have, but it doesn’t always predict the future. I’m about as opposite (as far as weight gain/loss goes) as I can be, compared with both grandmothers, my mom, and my aunts. Even my sister and I are beginning to see differences in this area, and up until she was in her mid-20s, we were both accustomed to being underweight.

Do you chart for Natural Family Planning? I was able to discover a minor, and correctable, defect in my fertility, due to poor nutrition. I did end up gaining about 15 pounds before the conception of my first baby, and I thought the weight gain was helpful in getting pregnant. Turns out that maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, because I got pregnant the second time weighing less than I did the first time. Now, I monitor my weight carefully, because I don’t feel comfortable being under 100 pounds while nursing. Just personal preference, though… No one has told me to stay above 100; I just think that at 5’2" I should weigh at least 100 (especially since I nurse 2 kiddos). 105 is even better.

 

[yessisan]

Why would you want to hide something like that?? If you were to get pregnant, you need to tell your husband right away. It is HIS child too. If you were to miscarry, it is HIS child too. Besides, if you miscarried, you would NEVER be able to hide it. It is the most painful thing you’d go thru. It’s very painful emotionally, and physically it depends on how far along you were. You would need the support of your husband.

The thing is that you will NEVER know if you will miscarry. I never thought in my wildest nightmares that I’d lose a baby, yet I have lost 3 and still have no live children. I never had any indications that something was wrong, yet I keep on losing my children (now we do know the reasons, but that’s only because I lost the babies).

Please do seek a dr before you think of getting pregnant and then, you and your dr will decide what the best options are for you. If you need to gain weight, then your dr will show you a way how.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Definitely tell him ASAP. He is just as much the father of the child as you are the mother, and even if God has different plans for your little one, it is much better for him to know that he has a little one waiting for him in Heaven rather than him not ever knowing at all that his love for your and your love for him created a new being.

 

[BiologyBrain]

So you all understand I guess where I’m coming from and where my concern is coming from…I was born a couple months early, I was 1lb when I was born. God must have had a plan for me or I wouldnt be here still. (atleast that’s what i think) Now I’m 5’1 and 90lbs at 24yrs.

I’ve never been able to gain a significant amount of weight no matter how hard I tried…and still try.

I guess my concern is when I get pregnant how soon should I tell my husband…the only reason I ask is because im so tiny if I misscarry is it selfish to not want to tell my husband I was pregnant at all so if anything happens he doesnt go through the pain. He can’t change the outcome so why cause him pain?

Now his point is he doesnt care he wants to know as soon as I know even if the outcome isnt what we had planned it’s what God planned. He said it’s not like it would be my fault, it’s God’s plan and he has a plan for all of us. It’s just our choice to listen to Him or not.

I’m probably not going to directly answer your question, but I’ll give you my experience. I’ve miscarried 4 times w/n 2 years. I always tell my husband first thing (usually when I suspect I’m pregnant) b/c it took both of us to get that way. There was a time I thought I would keep it from him (prior to my 2nd miscarriage), but I told him anyway. It was very important to me that I had his full support the entire time I was struggling w/ the new pregnancy and then the miscarriages themselves. He was able to ‘be there for me’ throughout it all. Miscarriage - even when you’re not sure you want to be pregnant - is very difficult. Especially once you start making any type of baby plans. You grieve and suffer. You need someone’s support. Since you’re married, your support is supposed to be your spouse.

IMO a HUGE part of marriage is communicating w/ one another. If there’s something that’s going to hurt one spouse, the other spouse should know about it and be available/able to help the other through the situation. In a way it could be looked at as be humble & unselfish to share the pain as well as the good with each other. During wedding vows the couple says they’ll support one another in good & bad, sickness & health, etc. Its a very important part of marriage to share all things IMO and experience.

Good luck!

 

[apromisemade]

He is your husband and it is his child to. Yes, if a miscarriage happened it would be painful, but he has not only a right to know but a responsibility to be there beside you in your time of need if that ever did happen. Don’t waste any time telling him if and when you become pregnant as he has every right to know.

 

[OSUbride0708]

At 5’1’’ 98lbs is considered to be normal by your bmi. I would discuss this with your doctor and see what he/she advises before becoming pregnant. If you are having normal menstrual cycles then you probably have enough body fat to become pregnant.

I would definitely tell your husband right away if a miscarriage should ever occur because if not, it’d be like pretending the baby didn’t exist, and I’m sure he would like to be able to pray for his baby.

Good luck!!!