When do these kids get easier? Spacing of children question

[yellowbicycle]

I’ve got twin 15 month old girls.
DH and I wanted to have our next kid, or kids if it’s twinsies again, within two years of these two. Which of course isn’t going to happen. On the one hand, I want the kids to be close in age.
On the other hand, I’m exhausted and the thought of having another exhausting twins pregnancy while chasing around these two sends shivers up my spine!
So, when does this job get any easier?
I know they’re not this difficult forever, it’s already WAY easier to handle them now than it was those first six months.

 

[samcarter14]

It doesn’t neccessarily get “easier”, it gets different. They learn to go to the potty, but you still have to help them wipe. They transition out of a crib, and into a big bed, but now they can get out of bed, so you have a different disciplinary area. They start going to (or doing) school and you have to deal with the schoolwork and the “I don’t wanna” issue there.

It gets easier as they get older in the sense that you’re no longer doing as much physical caretaking, which I sense is your major concern. My youngest is two and I am still changing his diapers, but less worried about him falling down the stairs or climbing on the table. He can feed himself, but he may spill. If I were pregnant right now it would be tiring, but all my pregnancies are tiring.

Also, every kid is different. My oldest, at four, could get his own cereal and milk in the morning. My middle child is four this month and is still not ready to do that.

I guess my answer is I can’t tell you exactly when it’s going to get easier for you. I will say it DOES get easier when your children are more verbal and can articulate their needs and wants. My two year old is exhausting because he still grunts a lot of the time.

My only question is: why the two year space? Is there a particular reason for that? My two younger ones are two years apart (4 and 2) and it’s exhausting sometimes refereeing the turf wars that spring up around coveted toys. I think three years is a little better; the older one can be more of an older sibling and not as much of a rival when they’re young. But there is no “ideal” spacing between kids, as a lot depends on personality and parenting.

 

[yellowbicycle]

It doesn’t neccessarily get “easier”, it gets different. They learn to go to the potty, but you still have to help them wipe. They transition out of a crib, and into a big bed, but now they can get out of bed, so you have a different disciplinary area. They start going to (or doing) school and you have to deal with the schoolwork and the “I don’t wanna” issue there.

It gets easier as they get older in the sense that you’re no longer doing as much physical caretaking, which I sense is your major concern. My youngest is two and I am still changing his diapers, but less worried about him falling down the stairs or climbing on the table. He can feed himself, but he may spill. If I were pregnant right now it would be tiring, but all my pregnancies are tiring.

Also, every kid is different. My oldest, at four, could get his own cereal and milk in the morning. My middle child is four this month and is still not ready to do that.

I guess my answer is I can’t tell you exactly when it’s going to get easier for you. I will say it DOES get easier when your children are more verbal and can articulate their needs and wants. My two year old is exhausting because he still grunts a lot of the time.

You sensed correctly. It was fine a few months ago, when they were walking but still weren’t able to get onto the furniture. Now, I had left the room to get them sippy cups and I came back and they were both standing on top of the end tables! ACK!!!

 

[Serap]

I hear ya sista! I had only one baby and I’m thinking the same thing now! Twins must have been very challenging!!!

I’m at work full time and boy am I tired!!! I can’t remember a day not being tired

They are soooo worth it though aren’t they…

It’s up to God, not us. If you’re using NFP, God will give you another baby when He wants to. I am going to stop using NFP this month, but we are not going to be actively trying yet either.

I hope all works out well for you! Sounds like God is tugging on your conscience to have another baby.

 

[yellowbicycle]

I hear ya sista! I had only one baby and I’m thinking the same thing now! Twins must have been very challenging!!!

I’m at work full time and boy am I tired!!! I can’t remember a day not being tired

They are soooo worth it though aren’t they…

It’s up to God, not us. If you’re using NFP, God will give you another baby when He wants to. I am going to stop using NFP this month, but we are not going to be actively trying yet either.

I hope all works out well for you! Sounds like God is tugging on your conscience to have another baby.

Exactly! I guess what I’m trying to determine is when to stop using NFP. Not using NFP = I’m pregnant.
We had twins when we were trying NOT to get pregnant - I don’t want to think of how many I’d get if I WERE trying!

 

[Serap]

Exactly! I guess what I’m trying to determine is when to stop using NFP. Not using NFP = I’m pregnant.
We had twins when we were trying NOT to get pregnant - I don’t want to think of how many I’d get if I WERE trying!

Sounds like you’re as fertile as me

Leave it in God’s hands. He knows what’s best. If your conscience is tugging on you, go with that as God’s will. If you are definitely not ready…go with that also. Discern what’s truly in your heart and you will know what to do. Try talking it over with DH and see what he thinks too.

My hubby is willing to have a baby now if I push him, but I think he’d like to also wait a little longer - maybe another 6 months. I feel God’s pull very strongly right now to have another baby…well at least to stop using NFP. I’m going with it because I love being a mommy so much.

Do you love being a mommy too?

 

[gardenswithkids]

You sensed correctly. It was fine a few months ago, when they were walking but still weren’t able to get onto the furniture. Now, I had left the room to get them sippy cups and I came back and they were both standing on top of the end tables! ACK!!!

Beyond simply waiting until they grow, caring for young children is MUCH easier in a well baby proofed place. (I dislike visiting relatives whose home is not childproofed–it’s so much harder there!)

As far as your own home goes, there’s baby proofing, then there’s baby proofing. Beyond that, there’s something I’ve heard referrred to as “twin proofing” which is ultra baby proofing. You might want the ultra baby proofing if you can’t even leave the room to get sippy cups.

Children *will *fall and bump into furniture. Minimize the risk of serious injury for both safety and your peace of mind. Any end tables or furniture with sharp corners, store away somewhere for a while. If you have tile or hard floors, get some type of carpet to cushion the fall. Not that I encourage children to run climb and jump on furniture, but it happens until they have learned not to do it.

Toddlers* will* explore. Make sure dangerous, breakable or valuable items are stored away from their reach.

There’s a company that sells baby proofing stuff called “One Step Ahead”. That name is a good motto for moms caring for several young children. Modify your baby proofing as your children figure them out. Parenting is easier if you stay one step ahead of them.

 

[cthulhubryan]

Heh. Wait until they are teenagers. Then these will be the “good old days”

But baby proofing the house is a great idea. Little Children can find ways to get into things that no rational being would ever consider. We had a lady with a 2 year old staying with us while she found a better job and an apartment. (she fled Florida and an abusive ex)
We would often watch her 22 month old. We only thought we remembered what they can do. Hats off to you with twins!

 

[yellowbicycle]

Sounds like you’re as fertile as me

Leave it in God’s hands. He knows what’s best. If your conscience is tugging on you, go with that as God’s will. If you are definitely not ready…go with that also. Discern what’s truly in your heart and you will know what to do. Try talking it over with DH and see what he thinks too.

My hubby is willing to have a baby now if I push him, but I think he’d like to also wait a little longer - maybe another 6 months. I feel God’s pull very strongly right now to have another baby…well at least to stop using NFP. I’m going with it because I love being a mommy so much.

Do you love being a mommy too?

Just the opposite for us. Hubby wants more now! I’m a little more hesitant. I remind him that during my pregnancy, all HE carried was the occasional bag of groceries. ha!
And even now, he admits I do most of the work with the kids and around the house (we both work outside of the home, too) and so when I remind him that more kids will mean more work, especially for HIM, that’s when he’s like ‘Uh, maybe we can wait a little while longer…’
And yes, I do love being a mommy. MOST of the time.

 

[yellowbicycle]

Beyond simply waiting until they grow, caring for young children is MUCH easier in a well baby proofed place. (I dislike visiting relatives whose home is not childproofed–it’s so much harder there!)

As far as your own home goes, there’s baby proofing, then there’s baby proofing. Beyond that, there’s something I’ve heard referrred to as “twin proofing” which is ultra baby proofing. You might want the ultra baby proofing if you can’t even leave the room to get sippy cups.

Children *will *fall and bump into furniture. Minimize the risk of serious injury for both safety and your peace of mind. Any end tables or furniture with sharp corners, store away somewhere for a while. If you have tile or hard floors, get some type of carpet to cushion the fall. Not that I encourage children to run climb and jump on furniture, but it happens until they have learned not to do it.

Toddlers* will* explore. Make sure dangerous, breakable or valuable items are stored away from their reach.

There’s a company that sells baby proofing stuff called “One Step Ahead”. That name is a good motto for moms caring for several young children. Modify your baby proofing as your children figure them out. Parenting is easier if you stay one step ahead of them.

Good advice. Thank you!

 

[TravisandJill]

I found that my daughter got easier when she turned 6 and went to school But seriously once she got to be around 5-6 she really matured and I could trust her not to get into trouble much. I now stay at home with my 3 year old son and he is still VERY MUCH an handful!

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I think it does get easier as they get older, until a certain age, and then the mental games begin. But you’re a long way off from that, and you’re still in a really tough phase. It is HARD running after ONE toddler, let alone TWO! It get’s easier when you can count on them to follow your simple directions and when you are not required to physically do everything for them, especially the urgent things. In my experience:

A 6yo can pour her own drink (depending on the drink) and get a snack for herself. (S)he can do alot to help, like hold a baby for a short amount of time or sit on the bed with the baby and make sure it doesn’t roll off. She almost never needs me RIGHT NOW, aside from the occasional cut or scrape.

A 4yo (hopefully, but not always) is fairly obedient, and can be trusted to play alone in another room while you’re lying on the floor in the living room. She can play with a baby while you’re going to the bathroom. The 4yo can dress herself (with some supervision).

A 3yo can follow enough directions to fetch burpcloths, diapers, and paper towels, and can play with the baby for a short span if given specific directions on how. The 3yo might be able to dress herself, but will need help with snacks and going to the bathroom (assuming she is potty trained). The 3yo will probably still have major discipline issues. Although the terrible twos are real, there is a “terrible 3’s” as well. It’s a little less physical than the 2’s, which helps, but it still requires alot of attention.

I also think that by the age of 3, kids are old enough to be less bothered by being “replaced” by the baby (not sure if this is as much of an issue with twins). Not that they won’t be affected at all, but they can understand your explanations, and participate in being “mommy’s special helper.” And a 3 year difference is still not such a big gap that it will keep your kids from having close relationships with each other (not that close siblings is ever a guarantee).

The actual age of 2, is probably the most difficult (or it has been for me, so far) to add another baby, because the 2yo still requires alot of physical care (diapers, potty training, dressing, all feeding, lifting…), AND the 2yo is in that phase where they’re naturally rebellious, so you’ve got the mental (and vocal) tiredness too from constantly correcting and disciplining.

 

[HouseArrest]

Most of ours are spaced 17 months apart which was tough when they were babies, but the payoff is huge now. They are each other’s best friends (and sometimes worst enemies I guess) and really play well together. They hae friends in common, too, and that works out great. One kid comes over and 3 of the girls play with her.

There are practical payoffs as well. I never put clothes away in the attic when someone outgrows them. They just go to the dresser drawer on the other side of the bedroom.

The best practical payoff is when we have 5 kids on 2 soccer teams because of their ages!

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Most of ours are spaced 17 months apart which was tough when they were babies, but the payoff is huge now. They are each other’s best friends (and sometimes worst enemies I guess) and really play well together. They hae friends in common, too, and that works out great. One kid comes over and 3 of the girls play with her.

There are practical payoffs as well. I never put clothes away in the attic when someone outgrows them. They just go to the dresser drawer on the other side of the bedroom.

The best practical payoff is when we have 5 kids on 2 soccer teams because of their ages!

Agreed. My first 2 are 19m apart and I love that there are so many things they can do together. I didn’t mention the closer age difference though, since the OP’s twins are already 15m.

 

[samovila]

My daughter is 21 months now and I’ve noticed some development recently that seems to make things get easier with her. Around 20 months she started entertaining herself better by playing or I could pop in an Elmo DVD and it would keep her busy for a while longer. I’m expecting another little one any day now and I must say that she gets easier every day so I’m encouraged that it won’t be too overwhelming.