When do you take criticism to heart?

[constantconvert]

If someone says you are a critical person, but can’t come up with an example, should you take that criticism to heart?

I really make an effort not to complain or criticize. I don’t want to be a critical person. And I’m afraid that I have some glaring fault that I am not aware of. Like, you know how racists don’t think they’re racist, or people who are really controlling often think they’re trying to do what’s best for people, or whatever-- you know, sometimes people have really big character defects that they don’t see. How can I know if this criticism is valid or not?

I suspect it’s not because it also came with a few curse words, in anger, but when it’s from someone close to me, I wonder if it’s accurate (unless it’s from my teenager )

 

[ignatius777]

If someone says you are a critical person, but can’t come up with an example, should you take that criticism to heart?

I really make an effort not to complain or criticize. I don’t want to be a critical person. And I’m afraid that I have some glaring fault that I am not aware of. Like, you know how racists don’t think they’re racist, or people who are really controlling often think they’re trying to do what’s best for people, or whatever-- you know, sometimes people have really big character defects that they don’t see. How can I know if this criticism is valid or not?

I suspect it’s not because it also came with a few curse words, in anger, but when it’s from someone close to me, I wonder if it’s accurate (unless it’s from my teenager )

One way I usually handle such criticisms is to consider the person offering the criticism and how rational and objective I consider them to be. I consider what motives they may have for sharing their thoughts with me. If they are complainers themselves or I have seen them jump to conclusions or they are not objective I take their words less seriously. If however I consider them objective and rational and someone who cares about me I take their words more seriously.

Having said all that I also realize that no matter all those things if people see something in me that they tell me aboutthen I need to consider what I may be doingto give people the impression that what they see is true. We are usually the last ones to recognize all our faults. I always have to check what I may be doing that would make people believe what they perceived is true. In doing so I try and make an effort to remember that even though I intend one thing in my behavior it may have an entirely different impact on people.

Lastly depending on the person or the circumstances I may not care in the least what other peoples criticisms of me might be

 

[Irishgal49]

If someone says you are a critical person, but can’t come up with an example, should you take that criticism to heart?

I really make an effort not to complain or criticize. I don’t want to be a critical person. And I’m afraid that I have some glaring fault that I am not aware of. Like, you know how racists don’t think they’re racist, or people who are really controlling often think they’re trying to do what’s best for people, or whatever-- you know, sometimes people have really big character defects that they don’t see. How can I know if this criticism is valid or not?

I suspect it’s not because it also came with a few curse words, in anger, but when it’s from someone close to me, I wonder if it’s accurate (unless it’s from my teenager )

I take criticism to heart when:

1. It’s not directed for my betterment.
2. It’s done so the other person can feel good at my expense–they are in a bad mood
3. It’s timed in such a way as to rain on my parade (wait until my big birthday party to tell me)
4. The person is angry and contributes to the cause (telling me I argue too much or am unforgiving when they are the same or aggravate the problem)
5. When it’s done in front of people
6. When it’s used as a joke or to “make fun” --you are just crazy with that OCD aren’t you?
7. When they talk in generalizations and lack specifics

I listen to criticism when:

1. The person takes me aside
2. When they say they have prayed about it and want to talk about it rather than dictate
3. When they encourage discussion
4. When they are playing a role in my life where this can be appropriate (spiritual director, pastor, teacher, mentor, close personal friend, etc)
5. When they have nothing to gain.