When do you turn into a "grown up"?

[LynnieLew]

I can’t even tell you all how much your posts have helped me through a pretty tough day.

I agree with some of the posters who say “Don’t be hard on yourself” because it is hard not to compare yourself to others. It is counterproductive to judge others’ “outsides” to my “insides” and yet I still do (but hope to change that). :banghead: I just want to live a good life and some people “seem” to have it together more than others. However, one poster made a great point that I don’t know what is really going on behind closed doors.

I am definately aware of how blessed I am in my life and I started this thread because my husband and I were both thinking the same thing (about maturity). I thought at 31 we would have a 401K (or savings ), family vacations and on-hand moola for household repairs. I figured I would have a household schedule set up to practically run itself and I would be out everyday at playdates and somehow the laundry would do itself. I guess that was my guage for adulthood, financial security and appearing to make it all look easy. As I have reflected on it today I am realizing that finances don’t amount to a hill of beans if a family doesn’t have the love of God in it and the effort to make things better. One baby step at a time maybe???

I love the post about spending family time together: I would much rather have family time at home relaxing and not overscheduling ourselves to death and not getting in to more debt for material possessions (outside of the evil student loans ).

Maybe all of this is more of a temptation right now, that I am focusing on others instead of my own state of affairs.

Side note: I am so glad that I am not the only one who looks at other moms and wonder how they don’t get wrinkled during the day. (I usually end the day with cheerios in my hair and a messier house then when I started cleaning.)

I look forward to more posts because I every post I have read has been great. Thanks!

 

[LynnieLew]

ConcernCatholic:

If you had said you were 30, I would have thought that I had posted this. I feel this way all the time. Everybody else seems to have it together. Sometimes, I struggle just to get up in the morning. I don’t really have any advice but just wanted to offer you some comfort that you are not the only one who feels this way. I don’t think I will ever feel like a ‘grown up’.

Peace,
CC

Thanks! I like comfort! Comfort is such a blessing when you are really examining your life to try to lead a better one.
Side note: I wish I could have said I was 30. Now I am offically in my 30’s with no backing out.

 

[Katie1723]

LynnieLew:

Thanks! I like comfort! Comfort is such a blessing when you are really examining your life to try to lead a better one.
Side note: I wish I could have said I was 30. Now I am offically in my 30’s with no backing out.

I am 52 and there are still some people waiting for me to grow up. Just as there are others who tell me I am "Old " for my age. Let me tell you, life “on the fence” is kinda hard at times !
~ Kathy ~

 

[jman507]

It seems at work everyone has times when they’ve all, from 17 to 63, acted like a child atleast at one time or another, includes me no less. But I’d say to your children you’ll always be a grown-up, to your parents you will always be a child. Some will think you have it all together, while some others won’t see it that way. But I wouldn’t worry, just try to keep your responsiblities & be like a child when being with God.

 

[KCT]

A friend of mine, who is the mom of 10, jokingly says, “Sometimes we wonder when the adults are going to arrive!”

She still feels young and enjoys life. Inside, I still feel like I’m in my 20’s, even though I’m over 40. —KCT

 

[kage_ar]

I asked this question of my grandmother-in-law, a few years ago when she was only 80… she told me that she still feels inside the way she did when she was 16 years old. That she wonders who the old woman in the mirror is

At 40, many days I feel like I’m pretending to be a grown up - then I thank God that I still feel young.

 

[Celia]

I’ve read this thread with interest - what a good topic. At 22, I’ve been married for almost 2 years, I’ve done a 180 on my career choice, I want children more than ever (seriously, I think something biological hits you when you turn 20) but for all this I still don’t feel like I’m “old enough” yet for it, sometimes.

I thought by this time I would have it all together, I’d be the smart adult livin’ life and having a great time, finances together…(heck, I don’t even really understand a lot of our taxes and banking issues - poor DH has to go over it with me a lot of time) career together…(even though I just completely changed what I want to do -I mean completely) savings started for a pretty little house and a bunch of kids (ha! I still have 2 years of school to go )

It’s like, I look at what I remember of my parents when I was little and they were in say their 30’s, and they looked so assured at times. You know every little girl thinks her Daddy is the smartest person in the world, and I was no different. But as I get older I think, maybe that’s just how it appeared but not really how it was. I thought I was going to get magic adult smarts or something but uh…sometimes it feels like the adult fairy passed over my house

But LynnieLew, to me you sound like you do have it all together. Kids, a husband, a home…sounds great to me. Maybe it’s all a matter of different perceptions, you know? And like someone else said, you never really know what’s going on behind closed doors. I’d be willing to bet a lot of people have Cheerios in their hair at the end of the day best of luck to you.

 

[pammie]

You sound like a very mature young woman. I think, as women, we are so hard on ourselves thinking we can be better, should be better at everything we do. When your kids are grown the won’t remember if the beds were made or the house clean. They will remember that you loved and cared for them–just like you’re doing now. Be kind to yourself. Maybe you need to find an interest just for you. Sometimes we can feel that " “something is missing” if we are forgeting to take care of ourselves.

 

[SeekerJen]

LynnieLew:

I thought at 31 we would have a 401K (or savings ), family vacations and on-hand moola for household repairs. I figured I would have a household schedule set up to practically run itself and I would be out everyday at playdates and somehow the laundry would do itself. I guess that was my guage for adulthood, financial security and appearing to make it all look easy. As I have reflected on it today I am realizing that finances don’t amount to a hill of beans if a family doesn’t have the love of God in it and the effort to make things better. One baby step at a time maybe???

Hon, I’m 27 and have no children yet and still, I could have written most of this. I have no idea how those of you with kids manage to get out of the house in the morning, you guys are my heroes.

We’ve been married for 2.5 years and own our own house, but really, most of the time I feel like a kid. We have friends who make a LOT more money than we do and have big, fancy houses, take fabulous vacations, have lots of money in the bank, etc. And they’re our age. It kinda makes us scratch our heads and wonder what did we do wrong? We finally set up a 401K a couple of months ago but don’t have much in savings, and after the bills are paid each month, we don’t ever have enough for big, fun trips or shopping sprees. I feel so young and irresponsible next to most of them, especially since I’m planning to go back to school. Maybe the PhD will make me feel like a grown-up…probably not. But then, so many of them tell me that they hate their jobs. DH and I both love our jobs, so I guess that’s the trade-off (scientific research probably won’t make you rich, but it sure is cool).

And of course at the end of the day, sometimes the morning’s newspaper is still covering the kitchen table, there are still dishes in the sink, and the bed is never made unless we’re having company. And for whatever reason my husband has an aversion to putting dirty laundry in the hamper that he insisted we buy. (Grrr…) I have days where I consider it a success if we both eat three meals and the cats don’t cough up hairballs on the carpet. And yet I’m sure that to many people we appear to have it pulled together. Those people had better never drop by my house unannounced on a weeknight!