When doe teasing go to far?

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Hi Everyone,

Last night I was out with a bunch of people. This gang had a lot of commaderie and makes a lot of jokes. There are different people of different ethinicities and they often make jokes at others background. It appears to all be done in good fun but I must admit I was very shocked when I first started spending time with these people.

Well… now that I know them, I have been joining in on the fun. But to be honest, I was never one to take well to teasing. Sometimes when I take a jab at someone, they will take a jab back. I am always second guessing myself ‘is this their way of saying I went to far or just playing along’

Well last night, this one girl starting teasing this guy about an issue. I joined in the fun. But when I came home, I could not sleep. The guy seemed to be laughing along and everything, but the main reason I could not sleep is because I believe in treating others the way I like to be treated. The teasing was about an issue that if I was the butt of the joke, there is NO WAY I would have appreciated the comments.

Overall, these are friendly good people and I do like to go out with them. I also am not working and need to get out of the house more than usual. So… I guess my questions is, when does teasing go too far? Should I simply use the golden rule ‘treat others the way you want to be treated’ and try to refrain from jumping on the band wagon? I am very confused

CM

 

[J_Peterson]

You should only tease to make the person you’re teasing laugh. If you don’t know someone well enough to know the difference it’s best to keep quiet. I believe this is what St. Thomas Aquinas taught.

 

[Myqyl]

Next time your out with them, say something along the lines of “Hey, by the way, if I ever cross the line with these jokes we do, would someone please tell me? I’m worried I might offend…”. It might start a discussion of how far is too far.

 

[Joe_5859]

Next time your out with them, say something along the lines of “Hey, by the way, if I ever cross the line with these jokes we do, would someone please tell me? I’m worried I might offend…”. It might start a discussion of how far is too far.

That’s a very constructive way to deal with it.

It is hard to know sometimes. Teasing seems to be how some people relate. But it’s definitely not how everyone relates. If you feel uncomfortable about it, there’s a chance that other people in your circle of friends may also feel umcomfortable with it, but are simply going along to get along. Someone else might be quite grateful that you bring up the subject.

Of course, you want to pick a good time to do it. Mentioning it on the way into a movie theater probably wouldn’t give much time to actually discuss it. Bring it up when there is time to talk.

 

[jeannetherese]

Another question you might ask would be: "Would I be comfortable having this teasing repeated outside of my group?
Within the group, if a shy person feels uncomfortable for being singled out, or a group member might suffer hurt feelings or offense due to the teasing, (even if it was not directed at that person), it might be best to abstain.

 

[GEddie]

If the teasing is of a sort that would bother you if directed at you, it would be a good idea to not participate and try to redirect everybody’s attention.

ICXC NIKA

 

[cmscms]

Next time your out with them, say something along the lines of “Hey, by the way, if I ever cross the line with these jokes we do, would someone please tell me? I’m worried I might offend…”. It might start a discussion of how far is too far.

Actually, I could see them taking that as a joke and saying things like ‘You always offend’ or things like ‘Offend! we never do that around here’. Once this gang gets going, there really seems to be NO stopping. I don’t think it would be taken seriously at all.

To be honest, what bothers me the most is these people are all practicing Catholics. I guess I expected more from them. I don’t feel I could open up about my struggles with God to them. If they were not Catholic, I don’t think I would give it a second thought.

We will say a rosary together and people will sometimes offer it up for silly things like ‘the opportunity to play golf’. I saw one woman offer it up for a family member and people laughed because they though she was joking. But i knew deep down she wasn’t.

I am coming to the conclusion I will not go out with these people for a little while to take time to figure out if it is better not to. It just breaks my heart to finally meet a group of people who want to say grace in a restaurant but… just don’t really want to hear it beyond that.

CM

 

[Liturgy_Geek_1]

Many times when a person is being teased, they will laugh along to cover up the fact that they are deeply hurt. Please think about that. Thank you.

 

[cmscms]

I had to revive this thread because I did it again:banghead:. I started joking with people and it got personal and now I am clueless as to peopel took jabs back at me because they were just joining the fun or if they were being passive agressive.

I was wondering how to handle it. I am scared that if I announce it out loud like ‘look I think we need to be serious here’ or ask a few people to step outside for a private talk, I might make them shake in their boots and they might think a big deal is being made out of nothing. Or they may even think I am overreacting.

However, I am scared if I bring it up in a light hearted manner, people will just joke about it and not take it seriously. Knowing me, if I don’t do something, I will fall for it again. To be honest, I am wondering how to make conversation with these people without joking.

Does anyone have any suggestions on an assertive but light hearted way to handle this?

Thanks

 

[jeannetherese]

I had to revive this thread because I did it again:banghead:. I started joking with people and it got personal

Does anyone have any suggestions on an assertive but light hearted way to handle this?

I think that you at least partially answered your own queston in your post when you said " I started joking…"
You might try holding back from initiating the jokes and see if that helps.
Regarding the responses, you might want to wait a day and then speak privately to the person whose response hurt your feelings.
That way you can give yourself time to analyze what happened, think about how to discuss it with your friend, compose a script for yourself to go over a few times, so that youcan become comfortalbe with discussing the topic, and then talk one on one about what happened, how you were hurt, and perhaps suggest an alternative way of dealing with te situation because your friendship is important.
Owning your own role may take some of the pressure off of the person you would be speaking to, as woud finding a few things that person does or values or suports which exemplify just why you value him or her as a friend.
May God bless you and your group as you work on gentler forms of communication. Amen.