When does a child "deserve" a seat at Mass

[PetraG]

…Many moons ago at a crowded Mass, someone suggested that my niece (then 7 and not a small girl) sit on my lap the entire time!!! We had arrived early. Someone who arrived after Mass began wanted her seat.

“I’m sorry, but no, she is not sitting on my lap for the entire Mass.”
It is called “standing room only.” Sorry, but “thems the breaks.”

Thanks. I’m sick of getting death stares because my preschool/toddler age children sit on their own.

That sounds like a death stare that could be returned as raised eyebrows of incredulity. As in, “You aren’t death staring at US, right?” Then look behind you and crane your head quizzically to see who they are death staring at, because it couldn’t possibly be you. Then look back at them quizzically. Then ignore them.

Everyone gets a seat. It is the same everywhere else. People who do not like it are out of luck. I’ve been to plenty of Masses where it was standing room only and overflowing out into the vestibule. I didn’t expect anybody to force 1st or 2nd graders to be treated as if they were infants so we could crush in tighter.

 

[1ke]

I would promptly ignore and go about my business

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

That sounds like a death stare that could be returned as raised eyebrows of incredulity. As in, “You aren’t death staring at US, right?” Then look behind you and crane your head quizzically to see who they are death staring at, because it couldn’t possibly be you.

Everyone gets a seat. It is the same everywhere else. People who do not like it are out of luck. I’ve been to plenty of Masses where it was standing room only and overflowing out into the vestibule. I didn’t expect anybody to force 1st or 2nd graders to be treated as if they were infants so we could crush in tighter.

It’s not standing room only, just typically full with middle seats good for one. With our kids, if they went on laps we’d free up 2 spaces—and I’m guessing they think they’d get the end ones.

It’s often because they have to sit in the middle in the row behind us. They continue to be rude and not do the sign of peace and such.

My husbands better at not caring than I am.

We got one of those “shut your kid up looks” multiple times from one person at a family restaurant on kids eat free night once…it was well before 6pm, too. I told my husband we had to go. He rolled his eyes and told the other kid to sing and let her do so at the top of her lungs for the nice old lady who was admiring her.

I haven’t been back to that restaurant since…not that I go out alot.

 

[babochka]

PetraG:

That sounds like a death stare that could be returned as raised eyebrows of incredulity. As in, “You aren’t death staring at US, right?” Then look behind you and crane your head quizzically to see who they are death staring at, because it couldn’t possibly be you.

Everyone gets a seat. It is the same everywhere else. People who do not like it are out of luck. I’ve been to plenty of Masses where it was standing room only and overflowing out into the vestibule. I didn’t expect anybody to force 1st or 2nd graders to be treated as if they were infants so we could crush in tighter.

It’s not standing room only, just typically full with middle seats good for one. With our kids, if they went on laps we’d free up 2 spaces—and I’m guessing they think they’d get the end ones.

It’s often because they have to sit in the middle in the row behind us. They continue to be rude and not do the sign of peace and such.

My husbands better at not caring than I am.

We got one of those “shut your kid up looks” multiple times from one person at a family restaurant on kids eat free night once…it was well before 6pm, too. I told my husband we had to go. He rolled his eyes and told the other kid to sing and let her do so at the top of her lungs for the nice old lady who was admiring her.

I haven’t been back to that restaurant since…not that I go out alot.

Good for your husband!

 

[angelic06]

I am no parent, but I remember getting my own seat at the very, very, very latest at the very start of first grade, if not earlier. It has remained that way ever since.

 

[blackforest]

You have my sympathy. The motives for wanting “lap children” are self-serving and of no benefit to the children. If anything, giving them their own seat gives them a small piece of ownership of the Mass itself and their participation in it, including their own space on the kneeler. A simple, “I’m sorry, she does get her own seat,” should suffice.

 

[brian_custer]

i’d like to know the toddler that would sit quietly on a parent’s lap for an hour

unrealistic & ridiculous

 

[Dlee]

It’s sad that so many people are just plain rude now days, thinking only about their comfort, not thinking about others first. And the first shall be last.

 

[joeybaggz]

10 years from now it won’t be because all the old biddies will be dead anyway. It’s just a matter of time.

As someone past his 70th birthday, I really want to singe your hair for such a snide and disrespectful remark. Only problem is, I see far too many elderly (usually women) who are totally disdainful and disrespectful toward anyone they perceive not behaving as they (the old bat) expect them too. So, I guess I just have to laugh at your remark.

 

[PetraG]

As someone past his 70th birthday, I really want to singe your hair for such a snide and disrespectful remark. Only problem is, I see far too many elderly (usually women) who are totally disdainful and disrespectful toward anyone they perceive not behaving as they (the old bat) expect them too. So, I guess I just have to laugh at your remark.

The joke will be when they outlive us all, LOL.
Teach the kids to ignore the rudeness politely, because when the death stare squad members are 95 years old and deaf and therefore loud, what else is anyone going to do?
They’ll be at our funerals, so we have to teach our children to cope with them gracefully.

 

[Hope1960]

10 years from now it won’t be because all the old biddies will be dead anyway. It’s just a matter of time.

That’s not very nice.

 

[PetraG]

It’s not standing room only, just typically full with middle seats good for one. With our kids, if they went on laps we’d free up 2 spaces—and I’m guessing they think they’d get the end ones.

It’s often because they have to sit in the middle in the row behind us. They continue to be rude and not do the sign of peace and such.

My husbands better at not caring than I am.

If they’re in the middle of the row behind you, it is because the other people in the row behind you were not inclined to give up their aisle seats, either…and they had room for two people, which you didn’t.

 

[babochka]

I’ve had one… Of six. Or if they are sick.

 

[Deditus_Domina]

I believe that children shouldn’t have to sit on laps.

Catholics got all sort of pew issues though.

I have been surprised though by how many times I have seen older people standing while adolescent/ preteens sit. I remember having to stand or sit on the floor as a child if a pregnant lady or senior needed a seat but I haven’t seen that in the Catholic world yet.

The FSSP church near me is really challenging. Church seats 250ish maybe. At least a third of those will be young kids and their moms who run out whenever toddler or baby make noise and only come back in for communion. There will be lots of empty pew space for the majority of the mass but no one else can sit because they might come back. There is usually 5-10 women standing at the back during the mass hoping for a seat. Last time I stood for the whole mass while a pew was half empty because mom and baby and toddler were in the parish hall from the Gloria until communion but the husband valiantly defended their territory.

 

[Greenfields]

Mine learnt to sit on the seat around the age of two as I was on my own most of the time at mass and there was about two years apart.No problemo .More of a problem at an Easter Vigil having a six year old fall asleep on my lap and having to carry them up to Holy Communion

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

You kno what I realized reading this? It’s never once really been a man who wasn’t simply in toe behind his battleax of a wife.

It’s always old women.

Now…the old men are often creepy cute but never outright rude.

Old men are often just funny. One calls my children his babies. His wife hates it. She scolds him and hisses everyone is going to think he had an affair. I’m in my early 30’s. He’s well north of 80. I’m pretty sure no one is thinking that.

 

[Ann_Stanton]

At a major holy day the pews were all filled before Mass. A couple of teens came and sat on the floor. I told them that the pew next to me had no one in it. They did not want to sit there in case a disabled person needed the pew. They finally decided to take a seat when they realized no more disabled persons were coming. These teens knew and respected the disabled. Wish more people could follow their example.

 

[blackforest]

Teenagers are all too often looked upon with suspicion and mistrust. What a beautiful story to counter that stereotype!

 

[adgloriam]

Someone who arrived after Mass began wanted her seat.

I’ve witnessed some strange territorial claims in mass. Some elderly ladies aggressively insisting that I get out of “their pew” which had around 8 empty places…

Latter I came to realize they wanted to be alone with no one around so they could gossip before mass. Altogether rude, but I couldn’t really say anything being inside of church.

 

[alice24]

Uh, memories of my childhood here. My mum “gave” me a eat for my own when I was 4, I think, and I was so happy to be able to do everything the adults do in church. I never experienced those grumpy old ladies in chruch in this way because german churches tend to be empty(…)
But I noticed this on the Bus drive home. Once, I was very sick and head blodd pressure issues as a child you couldn´t see easily on my face at the first glance, and I was 7 or 8 years old. I took a seat next to my grandma, and some other ladies started complaining because a child took their seat. They were around 60, and this is interesting, as I never experienced this from very old people.