When does anger with family members become a mortal sin?

  • Thread starter Thread starter perla_m
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

perla_m

Guest
I have some problems getting along with my brother-in-law (husband’s brother). Without trying to complain or be uncharitable, he often treats members of the family (including myself) quite poorly.

My husband’s parents, as well as the rest of the family, have been victims of this at various points and they all acknowledge the situation, but feel that it is better to just tolerate this behaviour rather than react. I go along with their wishes.

I’ve never had an actual argument with my brother-in-law, and I have always made the effort to patch things up when he gets angry, which often includes having to silently accept increased rude behaviour. However, despite the fact that I don’t say anything, I have a hard time putting up with some of his actions and I often feel angry with him, and I sometimes imagine telling him off, or making him leave my house.

Is harboring these feelings of anger, or imagining telling him off, a mortal sin? I don’t imagine harming him in any way - just telling him what I think of him as a person. I doubt that I would ever actually do such a thing, but sometimes I can’t get the thoughts out of my head.

I went to Confession yesterday. I bring up this situation at Confession almost every time that I go, at least in a general way, and I did yesterday, as well. However, for some reason, I started thinking about it this morning! Now I’m worried that I have committed a mortal sin, and should not take Communion tomorrow at mass.

My main question is this - can I take Communion tomorrow at Sunday mass? I won’t be able to get to Confession before mass - there aren’t any Confession times available.
 
perla_m said:
Is harboring these feelings of anger, or imagining telling him off, a mortal sin? I don’t imagine harming him in any way - just telling him what I think of him as a person. I doubt that I would ever actually do such a thing, but sometimes I can’t get the thoughts out of my head.

My main question is this - can I take Communion tomorrow at Sunday mass? I won’t be able to get to Confession before mass - there aren’t any Confession times available.
Click to expand...
It is not mortal sin. Thinking about this jerk should not keep you away from Communion. You need it. Ask God to help you with this problem. Offer it for your BIL’s conversion and change of behaviour.

That said, perhaps addressing the problem will help you get rid of resentment you are feeling. These things can get worse with time if we don’t do anything about it. What right do people have to tell you to put up with someone’s bad behaviour? You home - your rules.
 
I don’t know about the sin aspect of this, I don’t see it as being a mortal sin from your description. My question is where is your husband in this situation? I guarantee that if one of my siblings was that far out of line in my house, they would be shown the door and I would explain that they were not welcome to return until they could keep a civil tongue. It seems in my experience that often times outrageous behavior continues because it continues to be tolerated.
 
In my family, we have a lot of quick tempers. So the general rule was, that if you found yourself still angry with someone when it came to Communion time, you didn’t go to Communion because obviously your minds weren’t well disposed.

So yeah, the Sign of Peace got used pretty literally by us kids…

And sometimes my parents would decree after a pre-Mass squabble, “I hope you’re not planning on going to Communion today.” Again, they weren’t implying mortal sin, but simply that we should hold back because we weren’t well-disposed if we weren’t more concerned with Mass than squabbling. We took it as somewhat like breaking the fast before Mass – you weren’t taking enough care with preparation, so you weren’t prepared to receive.

That said… I think the real problem here is not so much the fight, as you brooding about it. Thinking and rethinking fights is not productive, after a certain point; and you really seem to be giving into feelings of dislike and anger, and maybe feeding them.

Whether or not it’s gotten to mortal sin stage, it’s obviously gotten to a point where Confession would probably help. (And possibly holy water on top of that.) You need to break out of the resentment and start fresh, because you’re letting this whole thing rent an apartment in your head.
 
perla_m said:
I sometimes imagine telling him off, or making him leave my house.

.
Click to expand...
Can I ever relate. Thank you for posting this, I though I was the only person who did things like this and kept in hidding

Others have mentioned the boundary issues and you should not put up with it. I agree. However, I want to come back to your original question about the mortal sin. In order for a sin to be mortal, it has to be pre-meditated. If you say to yourself, ‘hhmmmm… I think Saturday night I will stay home and spend the evening stewing over my BIL’, then it is a sin. However, if the thoughts just randomly come up whenver, then it is not a mortal sin.

I wish I could offer you advice on how to reduce the resentment. If you are anything like me, even if you don’t ever see him for 10 years, the daydreams of harming him will not leave. If anyone has any suggestions, please pass along
 
Sounds like your BIL is getting a lot of tolerance when he needs someone to pull him up short! You don’t have to accept unacceptable behavior, and the word BOUNDARIES is something you should study. No one is drawing a line for this guy and that is why he keeps going on and on as he is. Don’t let him take up so much real estate in your head, but also talk to your husband about his brother being such a jerk and treating everyone badly. Set up some good strong boundaries beyond which he cannot go, and then let go of him and focus on your own family.

No, you have not mortally sinned. You’re not plotting his murder in your head or anything. Telling someone off is not a mortal sin, and in some cases I don’t think it’s even a venial sin.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top