When does venting become gossip?

[CRATUS]

What’s the difference between being brutally honest versus being harsh?
I wonder also when does correction become fault finding?
I’m sad. I may have to cut off one my relatives. I love her very much. She thinks she can comment, critique, play devil’s advocate for any situation I tell her. I’ll give her credit for being unafraid to say what she sees. She doesn’t automatically have to side me because we’re kin. On the other hand, nor does she have to be so harsh on or critical of me because she expects better.
Her unsolicited advice on many aspects of my life is frustrating. I feel like if I set boundaries with her, she’ll see as another way of me evading the truth.
If I show any signs of discomfort, irritation with her criticism, I’m a weak person who can’t handle the truth or sign of my big ego. I’m learning to get less emotional about her accusations or her need to attribute any mistake to evidence of my pride.
Me simply forgetting something is evidence of how selfish I am with my time and inconsiderate I am of other people’s time.
If confronted with her criticism, her response I’m simply insecure (which is true, I feel it is a cop out). If I were a truly confident person, her critical nature wouldn’t bother me. (Very true, but it ignores the fact she is in fact rude.)
I’ve got a second opinion from another family member they too find her brutally honesty to be fault-finding. Any little shortcoming must be addressed.
Holding on to this resentment towards her is honestly ruining me as a person. I shouldn’t hate anyone this much. Perhaps I’m weak enough to let someone annoy me to the core.
Help me not to let resentment settle in my heart. Pray for me to learn to love despite her flaws.
I wonder if something is going wrong with her.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You seem very conflicted. You say “I love her very much” and then “I shouldn’t hate anyone this much.”

 

[CRATUS]

You seem very conflicted. You say “I love her very much” and then “I shouldn’t hate anyone this much.”

It is a sin to carry bitterness in your heart. I grew up with her, to cut her off completely would hurt. I’ve thought of a compromise, setting a distance.

 

[joeybaggz]

.
I wonder if something is going wrong with her.

Going wrong? This woman is an abuser. Not necessarily physical, but definitely an emotional one, Also, I get the feeling that her “brutal honesty” is a cover for a deep insecurity on her part.

Like all humans, you entitled to make mistakes, errors, and the like and not expect to be raked over the coals constantly. Like one poster said, you need to establish some distance and some ground rules for the way you wish to be treated. If it were me, I would just completely remove myself from her presence. If she is upset, you set the rules as to how you expect to be treated.

If you can’t do this, if you mortgage your self esteem to this person in return for her presence in your life, expect more of this treatment; you have asked for it.

Shalom

 

[CRATUS]

I

Going wrong? This woman is an abuser. Not necessarily physical, but definitely an emotional one, Also, I get the feeling that her “brutal honesty” is a cover for a deep insecurity on her part.

Like all humans, you entitled to make mistakes, errors, and the like and not expect to be raked over the coals constantly. Like one poster said, you need to establish some distance and some ground rules for the way you wish to be treated. If it were me, I would just completely remove myself from her presence. If she is upset, you set the rules as to how you expect to be treated.

If you can’t do this, if you mortgage your self esteem to this person in return for her presence in your life, expect more of this treatment; you have asked for it.

Shalom

I’m not sure she sees her behavior as hurtful. I wish she would. Of course, we’re kin, she is a member of my immediate family. It is not that easy to break off a deep-rooted friendship. I’ll simply share less with her or get closer to my other siblings in the meantime.