When engaged, how far

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VeritasLuxMea

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ISN’T far enough? 😛

Fooled you!

There have been lots of great conversations about how far is “too far,” for an engaged couple. My question is how far isn’t far enough?

And I’m not specifically talking about kissing or embracing, necessarily, though it could be that if you like. However, specifically, I was wondering, what ought a Catholic couple to do during an engagement?

Many times, a Catholic couple gets engaged, and the first thing they do is book the Church and from thereon in everything is about wedding planning, wedding planning and more wedding planning! Of course a Catholic couple getting married in the Church will attend FOCCUS and do pre-cana (at least where I live) and both of these are good… but these things can take as little as 3 days.

Whereas, many Catholic couples will be engaged for a year or more until the wedding date, since the wedding date isn’t necessarily set immediately!

How should they make use of this period in their lives? What differences should there be in the way they are approaching and interacting with each other, as compared to the way they approached and interacted with each other while merely “dating”? How ought their relationship to grow and develop during this time?
 
what ought a Catholic couple to do during an engagement?
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Take courses, seriously. Learn about finance, how to raise young children, read the book men are from Mars and women from Venus (Take and leave from this book but they do have good points and you will be able to understand your partner better). Take any course together to help with your relationship even sexuality.

If you feel you know it all, this is a red flag that you need to step back and see what you are missing. I am still learning believe it or not. When you open yourself, you will learn.

Also, know that any addiction will be very toxic in your relationship, learn about this.

Consult your priest also, they have good program.

All the best!
 
Thank you for that information, my friend.

If only the amount of time spent planning marriages could equal or exceed the amount of time spent planning weddings… what better marriages might there be! But alas, all too often there is far too much attention on the wedding and very little attention given to the marriage.
 
Read Church documents on marriage, family, etc. You can select something for both of you to read and then discuss. The more you understand the TRUE meaning of love, marriage, spouses, openness to life, raising children in the Faith, the family’s role in society, etc, the more prepared you will be to live a holy Catholic marriage as it should be lived.

Secular books don’t have the wealth of information and the Truth that our Church documents do. Basically, learning more about what our Church teaches will give you guidelines that will help you later in life (and even in the present). It will also help you discuss and clarify any disagreements that may come up about what the Church teachings truly are.

Not all “Catholic” authors have the correct information in their books, which is why I suggest Church documents, and then from there, if there are authors you know are in line with the Church, you can also look into those books.

I joked with my husband when we were engaged that I was making sure we read everything in canon law about marriage validity, all the important documents, and we had to make sure everything was in order, to make sure our marriage would be valid so an annulment would never be an option.
 
VeritasLuxMea said:
ISN’T far enough? 😛

Fooled you!

There have been lots of great conversations about how far is “too far,” for an engaged couple. My question is how far isn’t far enough?

And I’m not specifically talking about kissing or embracing, necessarily, though it could be that if you like. However, specifically, I was wondering, what ought a Catholic couple to do during an engagement?

Many times, a Catholic couple gets engaged, and the first thing they do is book the Church and from thereon in everything is about wedding planning, wedding planning and more wedding planning! Of course a Catholic couple getting married in the Church will attend FOCCUS and do pre-cana (at least where I live) and both of these are good… but these things can take as little as 3 days.

Whereas, many Catholic couples will be engaged for a year or more until the wedding date, since the wedding date isn’t necessarily set immediately!

How should they make use of this period in their lives? What differences should there be in the way they are approaching and interacting with each other, as compared to the way they approached and interacted with each other while merely “dating”? How ought their relationship to grow and develop during this time?
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Can’t have any sort of sex still: oral, or anal, or regular. Can’t masturbate each other and you will never be allowed to do any sort of masturbation without grave sin (even married couples can’t do that one.)
 
Pray. A lot. You need to pray together as a couple and separately. Start spending time together, not just doing “special” things, like going out, but doing “everyday” things - clean one or both of your places together, cook meals together, go grocery shopping together. This is also a great time for going through your stuff together. You may find that merging two households (depending on how much stuff you’ve accumulated over the years) can result in a lot of duplication - two sets of dishes, two sets of cooking pots, two living room couches, two double beds, a gazillion bath towels, etc. and you may not need all of this stuff. Sitting down together and going through your things together can help you plan how you want to set up your new home - even if you’re going to live in a home already lived in by one of you, because you’ll want to make sure there’s room for special touches from both of you. It’s also a great time to work on conflict resolution. It may be the case that you just LOVE that wall hanging that Grandma made for you, but your partner thinks it’s too freaky/too big/too scary/ugly/not going to fit with the colour scheme in the living room.

I’m speaking with the voice of experience - I married a wonderful man two years ago, and moved in with him and his then-6-year-old daughter. (His first marriage was declared null by the Church tribunal.) Together, we bought some new dishes and things that we needed, got rid of his daughter’s bed, gave her my bed, bought a new bed for us to share (his old one had come from his ex), and got rid of some of both of our furniture while retaining some of the original furniture. We cleaned out closets and sheds, got rid of stuff we didn’t want, and kept things from both of us that we did want. We also spent a lot of time just doing things together as family. Lots of evenings were spent at his home (he lived an hour away from me and his daughter had school in the morning) eating dinner together, putting his daughter to bed, and watching TV until it was time for me to go home. We grocery-shopped together, cooked together and for each other, and played together. This helped us get into the mind-set of being together as a family. Special outings are great, but it’s important to have “down time” together to help you adjust to the reality of doing the day-to-day things together.
 
This might sound strange but learn how to do nothing together- to just be with each other and be comfortable.
 
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