When family doesn't look like I thought it would

[hesso12]

We’ve all heard the politically correct platitudes that “families take many different forms,” but we also know in God’s design a family consists of a mother, a father and children. Period.

The family is not an institution designed by man. It was created by God, and man has been given the responsibility of stewardship over it. The basic biblical family unit is comprised of one man, one woman—his spouse—and their offspring or adopted children. The extended family can include relatives by blood or marriage such as grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles. One of the primary principles of the family unit is that it involves a commitment ordained by God for the lifetime of the members. The husband and wife are responsible for holding it together, the current attitude of our culture notwithstanding. Although divorce is sought and granted much too easily in our society, the Bible tells us that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).

Has anyone else here had to navigate this path of accepting a very different family configuration than what they had envisioned? I could really use some advice on how to leave behind the dream and accept (embrace even?) the reality of raising a family alone.

my advice to you

1. It’s okay to cry — and you probably should.don’t wrestle with yourself trying not to cry,but cry if you need to.
It feels like divorce for a reason. You weren’t made for this misery. God engineered romance to express itself in fidelity and loyalty — in oneness (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:2–13). Because dating is only a means to marriage, God’s design for our marriages speaks to his design for our dating relationships. Dating that dives in too quickly or dumps too carelessly does not reflect God’s intention.
2.** Don’t try again too quickly.**Knowing and embracing God’s design for permanence in marriage and dating will help us feel appropriately, but it will also help us take healthy next steps in our pursuit of marriage. One of the worst and most popular mistakes is moving on to the next one too soon. Especially in the age of online dating and social media, we really don’t have to work very hard to find another prospect.

Affection can be an addiction. If you’ve been on dates, held hands, seen smiles, exchanged notes, experienced the sweetness of another’s attention and affirmation, you will want more. And the easiest way to find it is to rebound right away. But if we care about God, our witness, our ex, and our future significant other, we’ll wait, pray, and date patiently and carefully. It’s too easy to leave a trail of wounded people behind in our pursuit of a partner.
**3. **You may have failed, but God didn’t.
4. You are better having loved and lost.
5. Even if you can’t be friends now, you will be siblings forever.For Christian relationships, breakups are never the end
6. “It’s not you, it’s God” is not enough.God very well may lead you to a breakup, but don’t use him as a scapegoat. Own your own sin and ask for forgiveness where it is needed.
*7. ****Your Father knows your needs.**You’re probably questioning this in the wake of your breakup, but God does know what you need, and he’s never too slow to provide it. He might reveal things to you about the things you thought you needed. Or he might simply show you how much more you need him than anything or anyone else.

God feeds the unemployed birds of the air (Matthew 6:26). God grows the flowers of the field and makes them beautiful, even though they’ll be cut, stomped, eaten, or frozen in a matter of days or weeks (Matthew 6:28–30). How much more will this Father care and provide for his blood-bought children?

When you ask for a husband, he won’t give you a snake. When you ask for a wife, he won’t give you a scorpion. Even when it looks like he’s done you harm, he hasn’t. He loves you. He knows what’s best for you. And all things are at his disposal. All things.

One way God provides for us through breakups is by making it clear — by whatever means and for whatever reason — this relationship was not his plan for our marriage. The heart of Christian dating is looking for clarity more than intimacy. This probably won’t taste sweet in the moment, but if you treasure clarity, breakups won’t be all bad news. We all know some of the news we need most is hardest for a time, but fruitful down the road.

Trust him to provide for you each day (or year) whether you get married or not. If you do get married, know that he will bring the imperfect man or woman you need.
8. Learn from love lost.
**9. Jesus will help you find joy in the shadows of heartbreak.**When we’re left alone and feeling abandoned, it’s really hard to believe anyone knows what we’re going through. That may even be true of the good-intentioned people around you. It is not true of Jesus.
10.Trust in God.

 

[3DOCTORS]

We really just never know. In my mid-20s I dated a man I thought would be my husband. But he was very commitment-phobic and I let it go on too long. Finally my eyes were opened and I broke it off, but went on a downward emotional spiral. I’m now middle-aged and past childbearing age. Still never married, but have at long last come to peace and even enjoyment of my single life. Not ruling out marriage but as someone else said, I’d have to be really sure God intended it for me.

Right now, the best advice I come up with is to realize how traumatic an experience you’ve been through and how the loss needs to be grieved. Not wallowed in forever, but do allow yourself to acknowledge feelings of grief when they come, and that they are very painful, yet know that others have been down this road and the intense pain will lessen with time. May God bless you as you and your children go forward, one day at a time.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

My mother married at age 28. This was considered “late” for her generation (she was born a few months after WWII ended). I assumed that I’d get married around the same time she did.

Well, now I’m way past 30 with no prospects in sight. For some reason I’m not really sad or upset about this, at least not most of the time. However, I do worry that even if I do get married, it will be difficult to adjust to married life after being independent for so long.

 

[Verne_Collins]

Hi, I think, each one of us has lot of expectations in life but I guess, we should only live with what we have at present. We can’t control the beautiful plans God wants for our life. I know it isn’t easy but we should trust everything that everything has a reason and soon will come to a worthy ending Have faith and pray always:thumbsup:

 

[marymary1975]

The fact that life until now did not turn the way you want it doesn’t mean that you will never be able to remarry. You got an annulment so you can. The fact that something happened to you in the past doesn’t mean it will always be like that. What you need to focus now is on healing yourself and healing your kids. Take a step back and think what did I do wrong. Why things turn out this way and what can I do from now on to fix it for the future and what can I do to not repeat the same mistake in the future. Give yourself some time to pray and think and try to change your future for the better. My first marriage was also not what I wanted to be. I ended up marrying someone who had a mental problem and who turned into an abuser. I ended up in a terrible situation and had to separate from him for me and my daughter’s safety. I ended up as a single parent against my will. Something I swore it wouldn’t happen to me because I was raised by a single mother and I never wanted my kids to be raised by a single mother. In The beginning it was extremely hard and I was very depressed wondering why me but I knew for sure that I wanted something better for me and my daughter so I decided to fix things for the future. I enrolled in therapy and started working on my own self, looking at what happened, what could I have done better and how can I do better. Eventually everything worked out great and when I just had accepted that with God’s help being a single parent was not that bad, then my now husband appears and a few years later I ended up happily married. So don’t give up. Put your future in God’s hand, do your part and have faith that God can take you out of a bad situation to a much better place