When God doesn't answer prayers?

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AlruwhAlquds

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Have any of you ever truly “asked, sought and knocked…” like Matthew 7:7-11 states, and truly believed God would give you the answer you hoped (truly hoped and expected) and it go the other way?

I’m dealing with an unexpected loss. Before it happened, I had full faith and hope in God it that it would not happen (now false hope). Dreams, long prayers and hopes felt like confirmation that perhaps God was telling me it we would not have the loss, it made me not believe the bad news. It’s shaken me to the core now that we have this loss.

Have you ever experienced this and then later saw the beauty in not having the answer you initially prayed for? Can you give me some examples to help me cope with this grief?

I already know the biblical example: Our Lord Jesus Christ asked for the cup to be passed from Him but in accordance with God’s will and it did not turn out the way Jesus asked. But in the end He is risen, three days later. I know that one.
 
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God always answers our prayers. We sometimes just do not like the answer he gives. Yes, no, or not now, something better is to come, in God’s time.

How many times have people prayed when they are younger about a boyfriend or girlfriend they thought they would marry someday, and they break up with them. They pray and pray to God to bring them back to them, but he doesn’t. Instead, they end up finding someone so much better for them.
 
AlruwhAlquds said:
It’s shaken me to the core now that we have this loss.
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I understand. I prayed and prayed for my husband when he was ill, but God took him anyway. I was very angry with God, and still have flashes of that.

It’s very hard, not to understand why. But I know that someday I will understand, it will all make sense, and we’ll be together again.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. I know you understand how hard it is to understand why God thinks we’re so strong for this, but He knows more. A priest told me it’s okay to be angry, that God understands. I lost a child, it feels like I was never asked to do this, that God just took what He wanted. But in following His word we are open to the possibility that he can take any of his souls. Thanks for understanding.
 
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AlruwhAlquds said:
I mentioned I suffered a loss, it was a child.
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I’m so sorry. I know just a little bit of that pain and the anger at God that comes with it.

Don’t be afraid to tell Him how upset you are. He knows already, and He can take it. Really lay it all out there. Don’t hold back. But when it is all over, ask Him to help you understand and accept why this has happened.

Lean on our Blessed Mother. She knows a lot about what it is like to lose a child.

God loves you and God loves your child, and if it is His will your child is with him now and at peace.

You are in my prayers. Feel free to PM me anytime.
 
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I prayed and prayed that my husband would convert to Catholicism. I also prayed simultaneously and unrelated, to have more confidence in God.

One day after many months of praying and not seeing any movement towards his conversion, I got a bit impatient and asked God, and one of the particular saints I was praying to for this (whose church I happened to be praying in), to make something happen soon because I was not seeing any movement.

That night my husband all of a sudden dropped dead. He hadn’t been sick or anything, he looked and acted the same as he had for the past few years, and he had never been in the hospital since he was a teenager which was 40 years ago at that point. He just had a “cardiac event” and died.

My last conversation with him was me jokingly saying I wished he would pay more attention to his health and his “immortal soul”.

A priest told me God may very well have converted my husband at the point of death.

I had to get a lot of confidence in God in a hurry because I was left with very huge responsibilities and almost no one to help me.

This was an awful thing, don’t get me wrong. I went into an anxiety attack that lasted 3 weeks and I have had bouts of anxiety off and on for the whole past year. I feel fortunate now that my anxiety most days doesn’t go above 7 or 8 out of 10 instead of spiking to 11 every single day. It has taken a long time to get to this point.

But as awful as it was, I see some positives in it. My husband died in a place where he was quickly found; he had been driving on the highway for 2 hours but had stopped and parked before he died so he didn’t kill anyone else or die in a horrible wreck when his heart or whatever went blooey.

My husband never had to spend time in the hospital, which he would have hated for many reasons. My husband did not have to live as a disabled man, which he also would have hated, and it would have probably meant me putting him into a nursing home for a long time (he was a very big man and I am small and could not have cared for him) and our whole life being turned upside down. My husband never had to quit his job, which he loved, or worse yet have the company decide he was costing them too much money as a person with lots of seniority and lay him off. He got to die right in the saddle and have all his work colleagues come to his memorial and all talk about what an awesome worker he was and how he was sending them all kinds of great stuff for work right up to the end.

My husband never even had to adjust much to the pain of losing his own parents, whom he loved, because he died a few months after they did.

As for me, I have had to keep on developing all kinds of confidence in God because there isn’t anyone else. Either I have confidence in God or I live my life as a dysfunctional nervous wreck.

I wish my husband was still here, but I also feel that in many ways, including a few that are too personal to list here, the Lord was indeed kind and merciful.

I hope you can find peace with your awful loss too. God bless.
 
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I am very sorry for your loss.

(Your post was vague, you asked for examples and I gave one. )
 
Thank you. I pray every day that my heart (and the rest of me) lasts till I am 92 as it will take me that long to get everything done here.
But si Dios quiere
 
I am sorry. I can only imagine your pain.

I have thought a lot about your question because it sounds like we should get what we want when we pray. Think about it. If we got what we ask for all the time we would be God. That is not going to work. Adam and Eve wanted to be like God and we know what happened to them.
So I think we have to learn to pray telling God all our problems and request, He loves it when He can give you just what you want, but in the end ask God to do what is best for all concerned.
I could give you a host of examples but I will just say this: when I look back on my life, I am 78, I can see God’s plan for me.
Hardly ever did I see it in real time. So that is where faith comes in. Believing in what we can not see. God bless you and heal the deep wound.
 
It also depends on the nature of the loss.
If it’s the loss of a life (in which case we release that person to the mercy of God, knowing that death will come to all of us some time).
If it’s the loss of a relationship, like a divorce or a painful estrangement, this can be really bad because you know that it might turn out in your favor in the end, but the ambiguity is so painful.
Or the loss of health — again, physical healing might happen, or you may have a spiritual healing where you find your life is actually more meaningful and fulfilled now than it was before when you had your health.

I’ve been learning to give thanks in all things like the Bible says and it’s helping a lot—even when things are very dark and scary, it’s helping me to calm down and not do anything to make the situation worse…
 
Sometimes we will never know this side of eternity.

Pray for the peace of God that passes all understanding.

We can offer our suffering for the good of others.

Fr Groeschel’s book “Tears of God” gives beautiful adivice.
 
God always answers our prayers. But He doesn’t always answer the way we want. That is why it’s best to say, “Not my will but Thine be done.”
 
I am sorry for your loss bear. You have beautifully shared the joys and heartaches experienced when we pray and how our prayers are answered. As you point out, there is no such thing as a unanswered prayer. It’s the “answer” that varies. There’s the answer we think we want, we know we want, and then there’s the answer the fulfills God’s will. Hang on to the comment your priest made - only God knows.
 
God always answers our prayers, but many times in an unexpected way. A few years ago, I felt lonely and depressed. I wanted to talk to my earthly mother, but couldn’t. I realized I could talk to my heavenly mother who always listens to me. I prayed that God would help me want to stay an Anglican, but look at me now I want to become Catholic and I never thought I would!
 
@AlruwhAlquds, I’m truly sorry for your profound loss.
And yours,@angel12
@Tis_Bearself I often think of your loss of your husband and hope and pray you’re getting through your private grief okay as you attentively support and respond to innumerable people in CAF, along with your other private responsibilities.
 
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mrsdizzyd said:
Lean on our Blessed Mother. She knows a lot about what it is like to lose a child.
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I did once write a prayer about that, having had losses too.

The grieving heart​

Dear Mother Mary, please comfort each grieving heart in the waves of pain that frequently engulf it. Sustain it when dark mourning closes out all light of comfort and hope , and when prayer seems no longer possible. Obtain the gentle understanding and warm companionship of others to nurture the stricken heart and lead it towards hope and new life. Sustain it with faith and bring it to true generosity of spirit even in its sorrow.

You deeply experienced the laceration of suffering and bereavement, Mother. It entered and filled your Son’s life, piercing your soul, echoing through all your years. You watched your beloved Child follow a path that led to His earthly annihilation. Grieving, you were powerless to murmur or to prevent Him who must be about His divine Father’s affairs. You suffered, prayed, and loved in silent faith, as so many parents must.

Like innumerable mothers (parents)throughout the ages, you watched with anguish the struggling progress of your Son’s destiny, amid rising danger of circumstance and others’ opposition. Finally, you beheld as others’ selfishness, unbelief, ambition, fear and pride, destroyed Him who only loved them and sought their salvation.

He hung there, your boy, cruelly nailed, struggling for breath and faith. You helplessly watched life drain from His pure, loved body as His struggle deepened in pain, fever and weakness. You would have protected Him whom you loved in excruciating intensity, but you could never choose to betray the divine intention that entrusted Him to you. “Your will be done!” your being replied endlessly with His to the divine Father.

Have pity on the anguished helplessness issuing from inability to alleviate the sufferings of dear ones. Mother crucified of heart, as we suffer with our dear ones’ pain and grief, and our terrible loss, please obtain for us such courage, obedience and selflessness as your own and His, so that the highest will of divine love shall be fulfilled in each of our lives.

Mother have pity on that terrible grief, that chasm of loss, the emptiness that stretches before the bereaved as they embrace their dead in their desolate hearts, as you have done. Let them find hope in Your dead son’s resurrection even when their hearts are still frozen with grief.

Thank you, dear Mother.
 
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At age 18, when I was a Protestant, a dear aunt was
terminally ill with hepatitis, owing to her heavy drinking.
I loved her dearly and couldn’t see her alcoholism even
though I watched her drink vodka and 7 Up cocktails
all day. In reality, nobody in the family talked about her
drinking.

I believed God had unfairly stricken her with this disease.

One night during her illness, I watched a TV preacher.
He said if you called their prayer line, a counselor would
“agree” with you in prayer. Then God would have to grant
your miracle.
Their scriptural basis is Matthew 18:19

Again, [amen,] I say to you, if two of you agree
on earth about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
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Although my Protestant background did not teach
this miracle-on-demand doctrine, I desperately called
the line anyway. The counselor and I prayed together.

My aunt died shortly thereafter. My heart was broken.
I angrily renounced God for the next six years because
he hadn’t healed my aunt.

In my mid 20s, my aunt’s death no longer angered me.
I knew why she died. I started searching for God again.
My search led me to Catholicism. And at age 29 was
received into the Catholic Church.

Recently, I found an old picture of my aunt. She was
at a family gathering and she was drunk out of her mind.

@AlruwhAlquds My situation doesn’t resemble yours,
but I wanted to share my disappointment over an
unanswered prayer. I am so sorry for your loss.
I offer you this prayer for you and your husband.

Prayer for the Grieving

Father of all mercies and God of consolation, You
love us eternally and transform the shadows of death
into the dawn of life. Look upon AlruwhAlquds grief;
be her refuge and comfort so that her sorrow may turn
into the light and peace of Your Presence. In dying,
Your Son destroyed death; in rising, He restored life.
Grant that at the end of our earthly pilgrimage, we may
be found in His company with our brothers and sisters.
There, You shall wipe away every tear. We ask this
through Christ our Lord. Amen.✞
 
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