When Is a Crush Sinful

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Hello, I am starting the RCIA with my local parish in September to go back to the faith of my grandparents. I have been going to church for the past six months or so and reading the bible. I have many questions and things to work on but one that I am having trouble finding answers to is how to know when you have crossed the line from normal God-given emotions to being lust.

My situation is this: I am divorced after being in a multi-faith marriage that unfortunately did not work out for a number of reasons. I have not had it officially annulled so as far as I understand I can not remarry and I am a bit worried about this but figure it is my cross to bear, and I maybe an opportunity to focus on service and other things with my life.

My question is, I have a bit of a crush on my doctor, as he is very kind and attractive. I would never pursue this for the above mentioned reasons, but sometimes find myself fantasizing about us holding hands or going for a walk and things like that. I do not let my mind wander beyond that. Does this cross the line to lust? Would you consider this sinful?
 
newcath0lic2o14 said:
Hello, I am starting the RCIA with my local parish in September to go back to the faith of my grandparents. I have been going to church for the past six months or so and reading the bible. I have many questions and things to work on but one that I am having trouble finding answers to is how to know when you have crossed the line from normal God-given emotions to being lust.

My situation is this: I am divorced after being in a multi-faith marriage that unfortunately did not work out for a number of reasons. I have not had it officially annulled so as far as I understand I can not remarry and I am a bit worried about this but figure it is my cross to bear, and I maybe an opportunity to focus on service and other things with my life.

My question is, I have a bit of a crush on my doctor, as he is very kind and attractive. I would never pursue this for the above mentioned reasons, but sometimes find myself fantasizing about us holding hands or going for a walk and things like that. I do not let my mind wander beyond that. Does this cross the line to lust? Would you consider this sinful?
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First of all, Welcome!

I am maybe a year ahead of you in the exact same situation. It takes a lot of faith to enter the Catholic Church without annulment. I commend you on that.

I am doing the same thing, I was Protestant, divorced, discovered (or was led) to the truth of Catholicism and went for it. I am receiving my Confirmation at Easter. I haven’t dated or anything, just focused on my own growth. I was married young and have not had a lot of time to focus on myself and my own growth. As such this journey has been a major blessing.

As for your real question, God designed us to be attracted to the opposite sex. He also designed us to want companionship. It sounds like your thoughts are in line with that and not lustful. If you let your thoughts go into a more sexual place I would call that lust.

That said, if this doctor is not available to be your companion I would think it would do more harm than good to engage such thoughts.

Welcome to the Church.
 
Depending on where you were married, the Church may or may not recognize your marriage.

If the Church does recognize the marriage, you can apply for an annulment, which shouldn’t be a problem.

Can you have a relationship with another man, such as the doctor ? Yes, but not sexual, which is reserved for marriage.

In all, talk to your priest about your situation, he’ll guide you through the process.

In all, turn it over to God and allow his will to be done.

Jim
 
As this man is not available to you because of your current marital situation you should try to curb the thoughts of fantasy you are indulging in. They are just as wrong as if you were still civilly married; even if they are not strictly lustful they are covetous. At the very least they may bring you close to the near occasion of sin and as such should be avoided.

As you seem interested in seeking out another spouse you should consult your parish priest about the process of annulment. It is my understanding that you can start the process now, you don’t have to wait.
 
If you are Catholic and get married outside the church the Church does not recognize it as a marriage but as living in sin. I was widowed three times before I reverted to the Church in 2005; I was informed then that none of my marriages were valid. So, I have never been married as far as the Catholic Church is concerned.

Just do not dwell on your Doctor thoughts. It is only when we do that it becomes sin.
 
You have a school-girl crush on your doctor. You are attracted to him because of his kindness, thoughtfulness. You fantasize romantic moments with him. You are vulnerable to an emotional attachment. Having these feelings about him feels good, even comfortable. Do not indulge in these thoughts. Do not act on these feelings. The temptation to reveal your feelings to him may become so great that you will want to go and tell him about it. But don’t. There will be consequences to that which you may not be able to deal with. Put your thoughts and energies into studying the faith. Do not have any contact with him. There is still a long life ahead of you. Don’t rush. If you talk to a priest, follow whatever advice he gives you. Praying for you to have a joyous celebration at Easter Vigil. God bless.
 
Thank you for your thoughtful responses and insights! I am so grateful you took the time to write back!
 
A crush becomes sinful when it makes one transgress the commandments of God and His Church. If one is still bound to his spouse in God’s Eye, then he should not be romanticizing about others at all. Those who are divorced and separated have an indissoluble bond with their spouse until their spouse dies and should not be thinking romantically about anybody other than their spouse. Immodest thoughts are sinful like impure thoughts are sinful, though they are different from each other. God bless you.
 
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