When is it legitimate to defy a spouse?

[Black_Jaque]

O.K. When a child demonstrates anger towards mom in a very disrespectful way, and Mom wants the child prohibited from doing so, but Dad refuses to agree to discipline the child for such displays?

Or when one parent feels certain activities should get permission from both parents, and the child refuses top ask one. (Other parent does bring question to spouse, thereby acting as an intermediary)

In the first example, who is the defiant spouse? Is the husband defying the wife because he refuses to discipline the child? Or do you mean the wife then gets mad and defies the husband on account of his unwillingness to discipline?

I would say that the husband is shirking his duties if he doesn’t discipline the children. THAT SAID, the wife doesn’t have a whole lot of say in HOW he disciplines them. I’ve witness more than one wife sit back, and order the husband to discipline the child, then in the next breath accuse him of being a brute! I imagine that those dads will become very lax in their discipline in the future. Either that, or they may have to “defy” their wife and continue to discipline in their own way.

 

[Teakafrog]

situation two:
I discipline my child for asking his mom if i have said no, and vice versa…parents should always back each other up.

the child no ask or follow the rules laid down by parents, the child no get what it wants…PERIOD.

Yep. If our son tries go behind one of our backs and ask the other parent if one has said no, he will be found out and he will be punished.

May I also suggest Dr. Ray?

Go to Ave Maria Radio web site, and you can link to Dr. Ray’s books, advice, etc.

Great source. Get his book Discipline for Life (I think it’s called).

None. You two are partners. As posted before, these types of things need a discussion previous, or an amendment afterward.

There shouldn’t be a situation where a child can play “one against another” with you or your wife. They should know that if one of you says “no”… it’s NO, or, they (the child) can arrange a “sit down” and plead their case to the contrary.

Yes, we always back up the other parent. If I say no, he can’t go to a friend’s house today, even if Dad would have said yes, if I already said no he agrees with me.
And you do HAVE to discuss these types of things alone, ahead of time, so that you can present a united front to the kids. They know if there is a chink in the armor they can use against you to turn you against each other. Support each other, and the kids will have a more stable environment.

 

[BeeSweet]

The teen should not be allowed to “snub” either parent. The teen and the parent who is coddling the teen’s behavior are both in violation of the fourth commandment. Both should confess, repent and amend their ways.

It would seem as if the parent coddling the behavior is 1. being lazy with discipline, and 2. enjoying being the preferred relationship to the teen.

The lack of support the one parent is showing the other in deference to the teen’s behavior is setting a terrible example of how a marriage is supposed to work. This sort of parenting is a disservice to the teen.