When life just doesn't start

[Marybeloved]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

 

[UbiCaritas]

Only you and your spiritual director can answer the question about your vocation.

As for the rest of it, make a list of ways in which to change those things.

Examples:

Career:

–Further your education
–Take on additional work in your field which will attract the attention of higher-ups

Vocation:

–Join one Catholic singles’ website (Ave Maria, Catholic Match, etc) now. Write a really good profile, take time to answer the questions, put a lot of thought into it.
–Once you’ve done that, email two guys who sound possible each week until you’re in a couple of correspondences.
–Most importantly, pray.
–Talk to a spiritual director.
–Read books on following your particular vocation, on Catholic dating and relationships, on marriage and motherhood
–Join a young Catholics group (Theology on Tap?) in your area

In both cases, the really important thing that’s second only to prayer is keeping busy. Life is what happens when you plan otherwise, so plan. Decide what sort of person you want your spouse to meet, and become that person. I don’t mean that you should change who you fundamentally are; I mean that your future husband wants to meet a happy, pleasant, vibrant person. Enjoy this time in your life, and hope for that which is to come.

 

[GraceDK]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

As far as I know, we don’t choose vocation. We have natural human dreams and longings according to our nature. We have human hearts and personalities that God gave us.
Women are very relational beings, I think, or more aware of being so, than men are…

I am completely in the situation you describe.
I actually just came home from a very long walk outside under the stars in the nature talking to Jesus about all my thoughts… trying to let him guide my thoughts into some kind of answer or wisdom about what life is actually about if its not about getting the family I wish for…

I must say, He didn’t speak directly to me although I poured out to him all my questions and spoke about my periodic pain and suffering… getting close sometimes to someone only to see it vanish into thin air…

In the end I came to only one conclusion: Jesus says: Don’t worry. This is one of his commands to his followers. He doesn’t want us to be sad and down and worrying, because doing so will only waste our time and make us more miserable- I also realise that life is like this… there will be ups and downs. There must be downs or there can be no peak-experiences… God calls us to have some peace in these times, although he does not expect us to become non-feeling or loose our longings and passions. He himself was passionate, loved and cared and had friends and family… he himself did not wish to be a mere spectator to life or a transcient presense in the lives of those dear to him.
He understands. He has a plan.

Also my long walk in the beautiful creation refreshed me so that my pain is no longer so accute. I recommend it, nature, fresh air, looking at the beauty…

 

[EasterJoy]

Vocation is a one-time thing only in the most over-arching sense. In the most realistic sense, vocation is a matter of developing a deeper and deeper on-going habit of listening. It is inevitable, I think, that it is a habit that needs constant renewal, as well. To have the habit without needing to be called back to it from time to time is a very great grace.

Your career may never take off. Your projects may not work out as you had hoped. You may not ever marry. If you marry, you may not be able to have children. You cannot know these things. As Mother Teresa put it: God did not call me to be successful. God called me to be faithful.

As you go through life, then, you will find many people who are “successful” in terms that could give them external validation still feeling a restlessness that says, “there is more. Come farther up and deeper in…” Whether you “succeed” or not, then, expect that you will be one of those people!

 

[chevalier]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

Those feelings aren’t alien to me either:
Career… I’m not on a career path. I’m on my own. There is no route of advancement or promotion. There is I and a hostile, closed market. Can’t I be a mediaeval baron instead? I can’t. So I need to keep going as it is.
Love life… excuse me?
What I planned? I didn’t have an idea actually. I probably should have studied archaeology and not law. I actually placed third in the entry exam to one of the best archaeology departments in the world, without revising any material. And I was 3% behind the top score. And 30 people even passed out of 300 attempting per 100 scholarships available. Idiot chev still went on and studied law out of a fear of not having a job in reach after graduation. (If only I knew.)

Recognise the blessings that you have. Objective success is not that important. What really counts is where you are on the way to salvation. As far as earthly concerns go, it’s easy to misjudge appearance of success or lack of it. Be glad you haven’t made the mistakes you have avoided. God still loves you anyway.

 

[Castello]

Your life started at your conception.

If you sit around waiting for some tremendous THING, you will waste the day you are given. Do all you can with this day, with this season - love God, pray more, do for others, offer the most menial task to His glory. Seek first the Kingdom of God. Don’t worry about tomorrow - give the Gospels a good read!

 

[Irishmom2]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

All things in God’s time, not ours.

I never really had a career, just employment, though I am a college graduate. Married in the last year of my 20’s… The life I have now IS my career. Would I have thought this is what I would do with my life? No. Am I satisfied with what I am now? Most days, yes.

Relax. Don’t put pressure on yourself by wanting to be here or there by a certain age. Leave it in God’s hands. He knows what is best even when we fail to recognize it for ourselves. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

I got married when I was 31. Had my first son at age 33. Got my BA at age 36, also had my 2nd son at age 36 (“advanced maternal age”).

I never thought I would get married, get my degree, or have kids. Had almost resigned myself to spinsterhood.

Do not lose heart.

Pray unceasingly.

 

[bearkatjen]

I think too often people forget to work on the career outside of their workplace. If you aren’t getting the promotion you want or the type of job you want, look outside of work to find places where you can network and volunteer your skills and talents. Network!! Get to know people in your field, and have them get to know you and what you have to offer.

Create goals outside of your career and relationship, that add to your quality of life. Charity, sport, arts…

Pray not for your wishes and dreams, but that you understand God’s plan for you.

 

[Lochias]

Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by, yes. I turn 30 this week, and I have yet to meet the gal whom I’d like to marry. I have enough cash to get me by, and to help a couple of others, but not much more, and no prospects of that changing for a while yet.

Sometimes, it gets me down. Focusing on my faith has been a great help, and if I’m being realistic, God has been granting me everything I need to be a good and holy person. I don’t have the life I’ve dreamed of, but it’s about what God knows what is best for me, not me.

I want to be married…I want to raise a family and be good to my future kids the way my Mom n’ Dad were good to me as a kid.

I believe it’ll come, since that’s what I’d like so much, what I’d love. It’s just not time yet, and in the meantime, almost despite myself, I’m learning more about the Faith than I ever thought I would. Joining the SFO / OFS.

Tonight, I’m tired, and more apt to feel down, but even so, I know things’ll get better I know things are good now. Same for you, Marybeloved. I’ll be praying. Take one day at a time. When you pray, remember to thank God for all the good things He’s given you. It’s hard for us lil’ folks to understand, since we don’t see Him face-to-face, but He’s working hard for our benefit. We just have to trust that, and to live as though we trust.

God Bless.

 

[LilyM]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

What’s with this ‘already’?

Take the folowing from someone ten years older.

Thirty is the new twenty, forty the new thirty etc etc. It’s not a furphy.

Women and men are overall living much longer and healthier than they were even thirty years ago. And plenty of late bloomers are finding fulfilling relationships (including choldren) and rewarding first or new careers well after 30!

Well, it’s possibly not the best stage of life to start trying for a career as a model or sports star, but apart from that …

 

[GraceDK]

What’s with this ‘already’?

Take the folowing from someone ten years older.

Thirty is the new twenty, forty the new thirty etc etc. It’s not a furphy.

Women and men are overall living much longer and healthier than they were even thirty years ago. And plenty of late bloomers are finding fulfilling relationships (including choldren) and rewarding first or new careers well after 30!

Well, it’s possibly not the best stage of life to start trying for a career as a model or sports star, but apart from that …

Thanks so much for this wonderful encouragement.
Im gonna turn 30 in a few weeks.

I have some friends who are older and who hate birthdays because, well they didn’t have their dreams fulfilled and so they despise the reminder. I never thought I would feel something like that… But this time I actually understand them.
I would really just like to go alone to a sandy beach on my birthday and not have anyone talk about the fact that I have now turned 30 and still am not married. That certainly was never what I imagined…

I studied some of the famous psychologist Erikson. He said that people go through different life stages, and when they sense that they haven’t fulfilled the task of the last one, but are forced to move into the next one, this can cause crisis. I guess I imagined myself married and with children at 30, but still here I am…
It comforts me to think that I have not isolated myself though… And I have not been made to feel unattractive by men. I have just spent too much time working on the wrong relationships.

I wish I had loads of money. Then I could travel… it would cheer me up…
Anyway… This thread is great

 

[jfmarm81]

I understand about the career not taking off. I’m 30, and truly thought I’d be somewhere else professionally by this time. For me, I take solace in the fact that I have been happily married for 7 years, with 3 awesome children and 1 on the way. I still get down at times. I wish I made more. Sometimes, I feel that I’m not doing enough because my wife works more and makes more. I tend to dwell on these things at times. I feel that, in some ways, I wasted my 20’s. But 30 is still young. There’s plenty of time to still accomplish my dreams. Our lives are all different. Some are blessed to know what they want and get it early. For others, it takes longer. Have faith and trust in God.

 

[Nec5]

Late twenties already
Career…not taking off
Love life…not yet happening
How many feel like the life they planned just isn’t happening? Did I choose the wrong vocation?

You’re not alone. My advice is not to worry too much about it, which is almost impossible because you’re human. Just say the occasional prayer asking for strength. That usually gets these types of worries off my mind for a while (days,weeks).

 

[Mummsie]

OP

Relax. Breathe. God has plans for you. Use your current freedom to pray, build your closeness with God, volunteer. God wants Holiness for all of us. That is real goal you can work towards.

To GK and the other almost 30’s: Thirty was my roughest birthday. Sailed through the big 40, big 50 and even the BIG 60. Now I’m refocusing my life and energies on my relationship with God. Loving the new things I’m learning, the people I’m meeting, my parish family, DH, children and Grandchildren, (and CAF of course). My only regret is that I didn’t more actively pursue my spirituality at 30. So, GO FOR IT. The rest wil come in God’s time.

God Bless you young’ins

 

[BlindManWalking]

No matter where you go, there you are.

Wherever you are, your guardian angel is.

Wherever you guardian angel is, the Holy Spirit has sway.

You are directly under the authority of God at all times.

Praise God.

And wherever you shall find yourself, if you find yourself praising God, there are worse places you could be.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Townes Van Zandt:

youtube.com/watch?v=QJtDWusEFkE

 

[Marybeloved]

Thanks everyone, for your kind support.