When Other People's Children are in Your Home

[Cricket2]

Easy to say, perhaps harder to do: Correct them as you would your own kids. Tell them that you don’t like the particular behavior displayed and warn them they will be sitting in a corner if it goes on. Also, tell the mama how you feel.

We help watch a little one, who is pretty good for the most part. Still she knows we don’t tolerate back talking, lies, hitting, and not listening. She knows she will sit in the corner if it happens, or lose out on an activity she wants to do. She is not that well behaved for mama as mama does not correct her.

Surprisingly (or maybe not), she likes to stay at our place more than home, and we think it is precisely because she has boundaries and knows what to expect. It takes time, repetition and patience, which I am sure you know. Give the kids a chance to discover the benefits of sound expectations by setting them for them.

 

[Xantippe]

With all due respect, that is part of the problem. When kids are hungry, they don’t listen. The time to go over the rules is 2 hours before lunch. While you are making lunch is only suppose to be revision.

You don’t want for someone to have a heart attack to go over CPR. You do it ahead of time

That’s a good point.

 

[pensmama87]

That’s a good point.

It would be, if it had been the first time I had ever mentioned such expectations. But it was a reminder, which I clarified. I felt like being specific right before doing the thing was a good thing - and it worked, which seems to be missed.

Please let me reiterate that I do not feel completely incompetent at parenting, and I feel like several responses to this thread have treated me like I was. Can’t a person ask for advice with a specific intent without it being assumed she’s a total idiot?

There’s a reason some people really struggle with asking for help. I did for years and that’s a big reason why. It stinks to feel like someone is looking down their nose at you because you dared to ask a question.

 

[Xantippe]

It would be, if it had been the first time I had ever mentioned such expectations. But it was a reminder, which I clarified. I felt like being specific right before doing the thing was a good thing - and it worked, which seems to be missed.

Please let me reiterate that I do not feel completely incompetent at parenting, and I feel like several responses to this thread have treated me like I was. Can’t a person ask for advice with a specific intent without it being assumed she’s a total idiot?

There’s a reason some people really struggle with asking for help. I did for years and that’s a big reason why. It stinks to feel like someone is looking down their nose at you because you dared to ask a question.

Fair enough.

I’ve lightly skimmed the other responses, but here are some other thoughts:

1. You actually do have a chance of getting MUCH better behavior than the parents do in your few hours. It’s quite possible that the kids will make a special effort for you. (Years ago, I had a child who was very sporadic about potty use but had been basically totally potty trained at Mother’s Day Out for the better part of a year. When I used to ask the workers how he was doing with the potty, they would look at me as if I had three heads–of course he was doing just fine!) A lot of times kids put in a special effort for babysitters, teachers, grandmas, etc.
2. Tea party for practice? (If the boys don’t find that beneath their masculine dignity.)
3. The 5-year-old’s behavior sounds age inappropriate. Could there be some sort of developmental issue? There could be a reason why this family has turned to you at this late age–they may have already been fired by a number of care-givers.