When Pop Culture Sells Dangerous Myths About Romance

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Good points!

It’s not just sex—it’s backwards about nearly every single relationship you can think of.
 
You are trying to put the genie back in the bottle, the horse back in the barn. Your sentiment is right that sex is used to sell everything and has gotten out of hand. The problem is, that is what this culture wants, and voices that call for going back to a earlier time are antiquated and out of touch. Besides, this has been going on for far more years than you are citing. Men have always been the assertive, bold, and aggressive ones; women more passive, though in the last couple of generations that is changing. For the better, I don’t know.
But unless you can wholesale convince society that men and women should meet by introduction by Aunt Minnie in the parlor with chaperones as in the old Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte era, I think you are just going to have to live with it; on a society level, as to your own personal morality, that is for you to choose.
 
It would be helpful if women who scrutinize every little portrayal of predatory men in media would also look at the degree to which women actually watch and follow and take an interest in all that stuff. I’ve seen plenty of ladies reading 50 Shades or bodice - ripper romances or the like in my life, and watching TV shows and movies where the predatory male is tamed by true love, and it wasn’t just because men told them they should enjoy reading and watching that stuff. Most of it was written by women for women, and most of it is a fantasy trip. They don’t really want to be forced or raped or have Dustin Hoffman wreck their wedding.
 
Obviously, not everyone who looks at smut wants to be doing those specific things, but let’s be real: radical feminism and this attack on men directly and indirectly through white privilege nonsense is the driving force. People need to stop making lame excuses, wake up and stare at down the gullet at the truth.
 
It’s the fantasy of being ‘the one’ that tames the man, besides being nothing but average. Maybe it stems from self esteem issues (ie they don’t think they’re great but such fantasies lets them think they are worth a lot more).

For some reason the female protagonist in fifty shades managed to lock down the ‘perfect’ dude despite doing nothing other than being the most boring woman on earth. And somehow she makes him want to abandon his weird BDSM lifestyle and start a family with her. Yikes. Most women who are looking for a relationship, even those who read such rubbish, would run away from a real life Christian Grey.
 
Lea101 said:
Most women who are looking for a relationship, even those who read such rubbish, would run away from a real life Christian Grey.
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Exactly.
I’ve also seen plenty of pop culture where the woman is acting stalker-ish or predatory too. That country song where the woman gets upset that her man is cheating and vandalizes his car while singing “Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats” is a shining example. I can just imagine how that song would go over if the genders were reversed.
 
The earliest sexually explicit bodice rippers (no, I’m not going to post titles) were direct products of their time. The sexual revolution was in progress, and a lot of women were having sex outside of marriage, but there were still plenty of holdouts.
The storylines went a little something like this…
In a remote and old timey setting, the dashing rogue/knight/pirate either kidnapped or conquered the village of or otherwise wound up in authority over the virginal-but-feisty-spitfire heroine.
After some slap-slap-kiss-kiss the hero would rape the heroine who fought him off at first, then surrendered.
This provided a couple of story possibilities. This experience would make her sexually aware, but still innocent. And usually a baby would result, which added drama (now she’s an outcast woman!).
So back in the late sixties and early seventies the rape to romance arc worked on a lot of levels and for a wider audience–everybody could find something to identify with or sympathize with in the story.

I’m not sure the appeal for nowadays, though.
 
Our culture is beginning to complicate things, to question the value of romanticizing stories where one person chases another, or wears her down, or drags her along against her will.
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Whoa. One person chasing another is normal and healthy behavior when desire is at play. Wearing someone down and dragging her along against her will is not. Yet all three of these things are being lumped together. :roll_eyes:
 
gracepoole said:
Whoa. One person chasing another is normal and healthy behavior when desire is at play. Wearing someone down and dragging her along against her will is not. Yet all three of these things are being lumped together.
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Tell that to the #metoo movement because that is exactly what some of their members are doing.
 
gracepoole said:
Whoa. One person chasing another is normal and healthy behavior when desire is at play. Wearing someone down and dragging her along against her will is not. Yet all three of these things are being lumped together.
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Though I’m hazy on specifics, I recall in my youth that persistence was portrayed as a virtue for male suitors.
Keep at it and eventually she’ll relent or realize you are what she really wants.

Many a movie (especially Westerns) had the first kiss as one that was taken/forced, leading to her relenting to his charms.
 
Many people will disagree with me but I think that’s such a dumb thing to teach guys (and girls).

I have told and will tell the men in my life to take women literally. If a woman wants to play hard to get, it’s her problem tbh. Women should also stop with mixed messages in general. It just ruins things for the rest of us that genuinely want to be left alone when we say that.

There is a difference between being creepy and persistent (eg flirting instead of continously asking her for dinner) but I think the line can be so fine that it’s safe to just take women literally and leave it.
 
Lea101 said:
There is a difference between being creepy and persistent (eg flirting instead of continously asking her for dinner) but I think the line can be so fine that it’s safe to just take women literally and leave it.
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At some level courting is instinctual and not just taught culturally.

The back and forth of ‘chasing’ can increase attraction, but it needs to be more of a dance than a dogged pursuit. All quite complicated, specially to young adults driven by hormones…
 
Theo520 said:
Though I’m hazy on specifics, I recall in my youth that persistence was portrayed as a virtue for male suitors.
Keep at it and eventually she’ll relent or realize you are what she really wants.

Many a movie (especially Westerns) had the first kiss as one that was taken/forced, leading to her relenting to his charms.
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Persistence is fine. Persisting until she relents – even if she’s given a firm no to a romantic interest – isn’t, of course. But the history of chivalric romance and romantic love include the emphasis on pursuit.
 
I know but if a dude is seeking for dating advice, asking him to be persistent can be disastrous because the poor boy probably has average to bad social skills (bc he is asking for advice in the first place) and may not know what’s appropriate or not.
 
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