When should i say "i'm in love with you"?

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buddyjack

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well… thanks for any advice y’all can give on this, i know its not exactly a morality question or anything of that nature, but i’d rather go to a catholic website to ask for advice than somewhere like yahoo.

i’m seventeen, i turn 18 in a month and i have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months (soon to be 9 months). we are both catholic and very involved with our faith. we have been friends since grammar school, and really great friends in high school. sometime in our junior year we started dating (perhaps you could call it courting - i know thats how i think of it) and over these past 8 months i know (with alot of prayer as well) that i am without any doubt, in love with this women.

i know that at any moment i would be perfectly fine with confessing to her that i would like to spend the rest of my life with her, and she is absolutely someone i would love to marry.

i dont believe in the “only one person” thing, but i believe she is definitely “A person” or the type of person i would want my wife to be. my concern is this, obviously we are young, and she has said in a conversation: “it sounds like alot of what your saying is a bout marriage, and not that i dont want that, i’m just not thinking about that now”

she said that during school before exams and what not, we’ve never talk about either of us marrying each before, and we have not even talked about going to college together. i’ll admit i am somewhat afraid of bringing those topics up - especially when i have never told her that i love her. (i treat the word very seriously, i dont say things like i love that movie, or i love that game)

any advice you could give would be tremendous, i really appreciate it, and catholic forums in general
 
**An honest discussion about your two futures is in order. It isn’t wise to avoid the subjects just because you fear you may not like the answers. So spend some time finding out more about how she thinks and what she wants from life before you profess your love.

And a story of hope for you. I am getting to know one of my neighbors and she and her husband have known each other since they were kids. They dated briefly in grade 7 but then stayed “just friends” until she left for college and he left to join the military. One summer when they were both home on break they decided to hang out and discovered that they were right for each other:thumbsup:.

It is all about God’s timing and His will for your life and if you are willing to cooperate with Him. Only He knows for sure if this is “the girl”. So listen to what He is telling you.

And, if I may ask, what is your girlfriends intent in dating you? You obviously see yourself getting married and living happily ever after. But from her answers it seems like that isn’t on her radar (yet). I believe (as it seems you do) that dating/courtship is for the intent of finding a spouse. What does she believe?**
 
yes, i do believe in the courtship and finding a future spouse.
and i’m fairly certain my girlfriend does to, perhaps not to the same degree that i do.

when we had a fight once, she said " i thought we started dating because we made each other happy, and enjoy being together" or something around that. but that was along time ago
 
buddyjack said:
yes, i do believe in the courtship and finding a future spouse.
and i’m fairly certain my girlfriend does to, perhaps not to the same degree that i do.

**Well, first thing you need to do is find out what she believes. It’s not enough to just think you know.
**
when we had a fight once, she said " i thought we started dating because we made each other happy, and enjoy being together" or something around that. but that was along time ago
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**Dating for what you can get out of it (happiness, companionship etc) is a far cry from finding a spouse to bond with for life and whose job it is to help get you to heaven.

You really need to talk with her. She may not want to be married anytime soon (and that’s ok) but she can tell you if she ever wants to get married at all and if you could be that guy. If she isn’t sure after almost 9 months then the kindest thing for both of you would be to move on. If she is really the one then you will find each other again when the timing is right:thumbsup:

I was in a very serious relationship at your age. I had plans to marry him. But after almost 5 years I “discovered” that he didn’t feel the same. (he knew all along I just didn’t ask because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer). That is a lot of wasted time! My second serious boyfriend (2 years) seemed to be marriage material. But it was not meant to be:shrug:. Third time was a charm;).
**
 
**Oh, and I really want to congratulate you on your reserved use of the word “love”. Very commendable! And since you have waited this long, think of how amazing it will be when you say those words for the first time knowing that the girl feels the same way! Imagine telling your kids and grandkids that your wife was the first person you ever said “I love you” to!!!

Don’t rush it… and pray…A LOT:)**
 
buddyjack said:
i’m seventeen, i turn 18 in a month and i have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months (soon to be 9 months). we are both catholic and very involved with our faith. we have been friends since grammar school, and really great friends in high school. sometime in our junior year we started dating (perhaps you could call it courting - i know thats how i think of it) and over these past 8 months i know (with alot of prayer as well) that i am without any doubt, in love with this women.
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That’s really nice! 🙂
I know that at any moment i would be perfectly fine with confessing to her that i would like to spend the rest of my life with her, and she is absolutely someone i would love to marry.
Click to expand...
i dont believe in the “only one person” thing, but i believe she is definitely “A person” or the type of person i would want my wife to be. my concern is this, obviously we are young, and she has said in a conversation: “it sounds like alot of what your saying is a bout marriage, and not that i dont want that, i’m just not thinking about that now”
Click to expand...
Maybe just find the right moment and say to her, “I know we’re both far too young to think of marriage yet, but, I am thinking, when that day comes, when I have my degree and I am working every day doing the work that I love and was trained to do, and then I am down on one knee proposing marriage to someone, I really hope that it will be you.” 🙂

Meanwhile, until then, talk about college, and talk about going to the same school and getting the same classes, and seeing whether she sees herself dating you in college.
 
Many parishes and Catholic organizations offer Pre-Cana classes (a group get-together for couples before they get married). One of the staples of Pre-Cana is open communication. If you google for Pre-Cana resources, you’ll come up with lots of info pertaining to communication, ie, common goals, expectations, spirituality. It may be of help in giving you ideas on what & how you’d like to communicate with your girlfriend. Good luck with everything, it sounds like everyone on the board is pulling for you.
 
well i asked her tonight about college, basically if we would be dating in college. and her answer which i thought was actually kinda profound was - not to live in the future. and that it was something that we’ll tackle when we get there.

and when i rephrased that question it went something like this: “do you think that once we graduate from high school we will break up or are we open to the possibility of dating in college?”

to that question the answer was: “yes, we will be open to dating after high school”

so that made me feel good,
wherever the holy spirit guides us, thats were we’ll be

thanks a bunch
 
You do well to stay level-headed. She does as well. What I notice, however, is that you seem to be more seriously into it than she is.
 
Read Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians. It defines Love. See if you can substitute your name for “Love” in each sentence. Can you substitute hers?

Love is patient. It can wait. It endures. When your relationship with her fits that criteria, you can use the word “Love.”

Good luck! 👍

And I like you. Many guys use that word to manipulate girls and play with their heads to get them to sin. You are a rare diamond among the pebbles. Don’t change.
😉
 
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