When someone asks you for a favour

[misspriss]

Well, when it comes to calling in sick, it doesn’t hurt to say “I am throwing up” or “I have something serious and I have every reason to believe it is also contagious.” When calling in about inclement weather, it doesn’t hurt to say, “I cannot make it in safely, and I’m concerned that I can’t make it in and back, period.”

Why the difference? Because a) you’re excusing yourself from a real obligation, rather than turning down something that is not an obligation and b) it is unfortunately common in our times for people to excuse themselves from real obligations for very weak or even falsified reasons.

You especially don’t want to be mistaken for those unreliable co-workers who always seem to get the Fine Day Flu. If you have to excuse yourself when it might seem you’d be tempted to want to excuse yourself, giving reasons that you really can’t meet your obligation is more important.

In the OP’s case, I’d be inclined to give a reason in order to discourage the friend from ever asking again. Saying “yes” so many times created the expectation that a “yes” is a good possibility for the future. Extinguishing that expectation for the future will take more than one simple unexplained “no.” You also don’t want the caller to wrongly conclude that the sudden turn-around means you’re angry at him or don’t want to ever do him a favor at all. You want to send a more specific message: In the future, don’t ask me to do this particular favor again.

Well TBH I just have always assumed, with good reason, my employers take me at my word. Weather is bad, it is obvious if you look out the window or see all schools closed on the news. Why would I need a detailed explanation to that? And if I am sick, I really do not want to explain to my boss I am spewing out both ends “I have a stomach bug” should be sufficient, I see no reason to describe my symptoms. Your boss has no right to know about your personal health, what if you were newly pregnant and had not told the bosses? Just “I am sick, will see you tomorrow” should be sufficent. Or you were having mental health issues, etc. Sick time is sick time if you stay home for the sniffles or the explosive stomach bug, it is your right to use it when you are sick and your boss is not your mommy to decide if you are “sick enough” to stay home.

And in my less corporate jobs, an absence was an absence, real flu or not, so why justify it if you are penalized for a good reason or no reason?

But sorry to go off on a tangent. I just have never seen the need to justify myself, if my word is not good enough then it probaly isn’t someone I would want to work for long term.

 

[kelvinf]

Yes, but a no is easier once you start practicing.

No, sorry I can do it anymore or no I’m an it available cuts the chit chat and the reason is no one’s business. I never give anyone ammunition to keep asking or pressing. I personally find that the less details, the less debate. People feel compelled sometimes to overcome objections. Kwim?

No, I don’t think can do that anymore but thank you for asking is polite.

But whatever the op is comfortable with.

Hmm, in my world, this definitely isn’t a polite way to respond to people.

Example
Friend: Could you please drop me at the airport again?
Me: “No, I don’t think I can do that anymore but thank you for asking”

Seriously?

Of course if you are talking to a child or someone you don’t really know and don’t want to debate with them, then maybe that would do. But a friend or loved one?

 

[Xantippe]

I agree with others that have suggested this is a rather odd request. This organization may be having troubles? You are *not even a member *of the organization? **However you have been asked several times to rescue them at the last minute? They may have trouble keeping volunteers or have trouble with their organization structure or communication perhaps?
**
**It is one thing to be asked to help a friend in an emergency but this sounds like this friend has constant emergencies!

I believe your friend actually needs to take a good long look at what might be wrong with their charity/organization and what kind of problems they are having. I have been a volunteer speaker for organizations and they were very strict about background checks, clearance, what could/could not be said during fundraisers and talks because I was their representative. **

For now, I would keep it very simple and say “I am sorry I am not available.” the less you say the better. If you friend is rude and presses you keep saying “I am sorry I am not available.” it is good practice for you if you have trouble saying “no.”

Yeah–I feel like there are a lot of red flags that helping this particular organization is not the best use of your time and energy.

 

[mommy_k]

Hmm, in my world, this definitely isn’t a polite way to respond to people.

Example
Friend: Could you please drop me at the airport again?
Me: “No, I don’t think I can do that anymore but thank you for asking”

Seriously?

Of course if you are talking to a child or someone you don’t really know and don’t want to debate with them, then maybe that would do. But a friend or loved one?

This is a polite way of responding to someone who is taking advantage several times.

It is not polite to say to a friend or loved one who is not.

I already know this, thank you for pointing it out
Seriously.