When to begin annulment process

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K_allyse

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I would like to begin the annulment process, but my situation is unique. My ex-husband and I were civilly divorced 3 years ago (before I became Catholic). Last year, he received a job opportunity in a different state and asked our children and I to move also so he could see them often. He travels for work, and stays in the home with us every other weekend. We are not “together” in any sense, and have separate bedrooms. He has been dating for months now, which honestly doesn’t bother me, but our weekend living arrangements are no longer working.
I am moving back to my home state in December, but with him dating and us not being together romantically would it be ok to begin the annulment process now? I also realize we may not be granted an annulment, but knowing is better than not knowing and I feel the process may help me come to terms with the end of our civil marriage.
 
@K_allyse

Lol! Oh, boy! I can just imagine some of the posts that will ensue!

You know, of course, that no matter what CAFers post, the bottom line is what your home parish priest tells you. I believe that you should wait until you’ve settled into the new place before contacting him and starting the paperwork.

Just so you know, an annullment doesn’t rubberstamp your civil divorce. According to the Church, you are still married unless you receive an annullment which attests that because at least one condition for marriage was not met at the time of your wedding, the Church categorizes you as never having been married.

When you submit your request, Father, or someone at the Church, can provide guidance with that. If the annullment tribunal decides that you have a case, it will want forms completed by you, your spouse, and witnesses. Once those are submitted, you wait for an answer. Processing time varies widely from diocese to diocese.

Good luck to you!
 
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In a hearing, these types of moves/changes can be used to diminish your rights.

I suggest you consult your attorney before making any such plans.
 
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The Dioceses in the US ask that you wait 1 year post civil divorce, so, I would encourage you to talk to an Advocate with the Tribunal. You could also wait until you move.

You can file through the Diocese where you were married, where he resides or where you reside.

Simply look at your Diocese website for the Tribunal and start the process.
 
K_allyse said:
I am moving back to my home state in December, but with him dating and us not being together romantically would it be ok to begin the annulment process now?
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You can begin a petition for a decree of nullity any time you want to.

You can petition in the diocese you and he live in currently, or the diocese in which the marriage took place.
 
Do you ever speak with your pastor?

Btw, whether or not you were both Baptized Christians before your civil marriage makes a big difference. You only said you divorced (before you became Catholic).
He has been dating for months now, which honestly doesn’t bother me.
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Sorry you feel that way.
 
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There’s a thousand reasons why, here’s one that has happened to thousands.

By nature you’re friendly and affable, you assume because he is too his motivations are the same, the well-being of the kids, etc.

But you’re wrong, he hates you for breaking apart his world, but for reasons of support, alimony and other expenses, he’ll bury those feelings.

You and the kids move to new area and become established. (Kids in school, jobs etc. )

[From here the story could take many bad turns, this is just one scenario.]

The rebound woman follows but finally realizes what you already know and dumps him,
but the man/child can’t stand alone, he rushes out and comes home with a drunk, abusive floozy.

You’re horrified and decide to move back home with the kids.

He calls the police and they arrest you and put your kids in foster care.
To the police you’re unknown women from another state/area with no supporting legal documents.

In court, he and the floozy clean up enough and you lose custody of your children.
Very bad things can and do happen to nice people.
Protect yourself and your children.
 
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Ammi said:
Do you ever speak with your pastor?
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I have spoken with him about us being legally divorced (when I was in RCIA) and explained thet we shared the home every other weekend when ex is not traveling for work. He said that since we have not received an annulment then it was perfectly fine to do that because in the eyes of the church we are still married.

I have not spoken with him yet about an annulment mostly because I do not know when appropriate time to begin the process is.
 
Yes, you are looking at the previous marriages first, right?

Are both your intentions to try to be together? As in a Blessed marriage.
 
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Dlee said:
Can you explain why an attorney should be consulted?
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I believe this poster was referring to the OP’s comment in her post that she is planning to take the kids and move back to her home state. It’s not responding to the decree of nullity part of her post.
 
Ammi said:
Yes, you are looking at the previous marriages first, right?

Are both your intentions to try to be together? As in a Blessed marriage.
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This was our only marriage. We are not together romantically. He has moved on (he is not Catholic) and since our civil divorce was over three years ago, I wish to try to have our marriage annulled before he remarries.
 
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K_allyse said:
I have not spoken with him yet about an annulment mostly because I do not know when appropriate time to begin the process is
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You can begin the process any time. You can begin it with or without his participation in it.
 
Retsel said:
In a hearing, these types of moves/changes can be used to diminish your rights.

I suggest you consult your attorney before making any such plans.
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We already have a custody agreement through the courts, and he is perfectly fine with us moving back to our home state so we can be close to family.
 
I guess I don’t understand how this would affect when to begin the annulment process.
 
K_allyse said:
He said that since we have not received an annulment then it was perfectly fine to do that because in the eyes of the church we are still married.
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Even if you receive your annulment, there is no moral prohibition against having your ex-husband as a house guest when he visits the children, sleeping in another room/couch/etc.
 
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