When to find a spiritual director

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SnowAngels

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Hi everyone!

I’m confused at what point one should find a spiritual director. I always thought that spiritual directors were only for people who felt like they needed help in their spiritual life. I am actively discerning my vocation (in the sense that I’m praying about it fervently), but I don’t know if that warrants the need for a spiritual director. In the past I felt like I needed help with my discernment and spiritual life. I even asked my old priest if he’d be willing to be my spiritual director. Unfortunately, he was transferred before we could have a meeting. After that, I felt like I had nowhere to turn for help with my discernment. However, it’s been over two years and I’ve since realized that God has given me many resources to aid me. Even though I’m growing everyday (receiving many graces from the the Imitation and Little Way!), but I can’t help but wonder if I should be under the guidance of a spiritual director. I’m sorry if this is a little scatterbrained; I’m thinking out loud.

Thank you for any thoughts or experiences you might have on the subject! God bless you!
 
You don’t need a SD because you have a problem.
You get one because you want to avoid problems.
Helping you in discernment would be an excellent reason to get one.
 
pianistclare said:
You don’t need a SD because you have a problem.
You get one because you want to avoid problems.
Helping you in discernment would be an excellent reason to get one.
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I’ve never thought of it from that angle! Thank you for the reply!
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi everyone!

Thank you for any thoughts or experiences you might have on the subject! God bless you!
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Hi!

I was involved weekly in the Parish youth group but it was so elementary for me and a waste of my time, to be honest. The majority of the youth was in middle school and high school (I was in the last years of Catholic University ), and the themes and activities were too boring and taught stuff I already knew.

But I still felt in need of something spiritually STRONG, very strong and life changing. I was thirsty of intimacy with God. So, at reconciliation in the city’s Cathedral, an Opus Dei priest invited me to join the activities of Opus Dei which included weekly meditations, weekly spiritual direction, and weekly confessions with the same priest. I joined faithfully and even went to their retreats. It was THE best moments of my life. I’ve never been that devoted and sacrificial to God, so in communion with God and praying almost everywhere, and I took becoming a saint very, very seriously. I studied to please only God.

I miss Opus Dei. It was one the best decisions I made in my whole life. Without spiritual direction, I get lost.
 
SnowAngels said:
Hi everyone!

I’m confused at what point one should find a spiritual director. I always thought that spiritual directors were only for people who felt like they needed help in their spiritual life. I am actively discerning my vocation (in the sense that I’m praying about it fervently), but I don’t know if that warrants the need for a spiritual director. In the past I felt like I needed help with my discernment and spiritual life. I even asked my old priest if he’d be willing to be my spiritual director. Unfortunately, he was transferred before we could have a meeting. After that, I felt like I had nowhere to turn for help with my discernment. However, it’s been over two years and I’ve since realized that God has given me many resources to aid me. Even though I’m growing everyday (receiving many graces from the the Imitation and Little Way!), but I can’t help but wonder if I should be under the guidance of a spiritual director. I’m sorry if this is a little scatterbrained; I’m thinking out loud.

Thank you for any thoughts or experiences you might have on the subject! God bless you!
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Yes, discerning a vocation is definitely a valid reason to have a spiritual director, in fact many religious communities even ask if you have one 🙂 it’s definitely not just for people who need help. Many people have SDs because they are discerning their vocation, or just for their spiritual life.

I am discerning a vocation too and I have a spiritual director who is an FSSP priest. If you have an FSSP parish around, I really recommend their priests for direction. Otherwise, I think it’s possible to ask any orthodox priest, and he may not have time, but he might direct you to another priest that does. Sometimes people ask priests or religious associated with an order to direct them.

I would maybe start with praying to find the right director… even if you find someone to direct you, there are different approaches and not all suit everyone. Hope that helps 🙂
 
Monica4316 said:
Yes, discerning a vocation is definitely a valid reason to have a spiritual director, in fact many religious communities even ask if you have one 🙂 it’s definitely not just for people who need help. Many people have SDs because they are discerning their vocation, or just for their spiritual life.

I am discerning a vocation too and I have a spiritual director who is an FSSP priest. If you have an FSSP parish around, I really recommend their priests for direction. Otherwise, I think it’s possible to ask any orthodox priest, and he may not have time, but he might direct you to another priest that does. Sometimes people ask priests or religious associated with an order to direct them.

I would maybe start with praying to find the right director… even if you find someone to direct you, there are different approaches and not all suit everyone. Hope that helps 🙂
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Thank you so much for your response! I do have a priest in mind. He is a very traditional retired priest who offers Latin Mass at a little chapel connected to my parish. However, I will pray about it before I bring it up to him. How well do you think one must know a priest before they ask for spiritual direction? I’ve known this priest for about three months now, and we talk a little bit every Sunday. Also, does a priest need to be trained to be a spiritual director before they can direct you? Thanks again! God bless you! 🙂
 
When I first began discerning my vocations, my spiritual director was the vocations director of the diocese. 🙂 so that can work too. He was a good director, it was just hard to travel there and then I had to move to another city. But this can certainly be an option too…
 
GratefulFred said:
Contact your Diocesean Vocations Office.
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Good suggestion! I’ve looked online before but my diocese’s vocational spiritual director is located about 90 minutes away. I’ll check to see if there is any new information up. Thank you for your response, and God bless you! 🙂
 
SnowAngels said:
Good suggestion! I’ve looked online before but my diocese’s vocational spiritual director is located about 90 minutes away. I’ll check to see if there is any new information up. Thank you for your response, and God bless you! 🙂
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I was not discerning any vocation when I went for spiritual direction.

The first time that I needed help, I was referred by word of mouth.

The next time that I needed help, I was talking to my pastor at the time, and he agreed to help me. We had moved to another state by then.

If I recall correctly, I think that when I was talking to my pastor, I had asked him for a referral, and he had offered to help me himself. I was fine with that, as we already knew each other from the parish.
 
SnowAngels said:
Thank you so much for your response! I do have a priest in mind. He is a very traditional retired priest who offers Latin Mass at a little chapel connected to my parish. However, I will pray about it before I bring it up to him. How well do you think one must know a priest before they ask for spiritual direction? I’ve known this priest for about three months now, and we talk a little bit every Sunday. Also, does a priest need to be trained to be a spiritual director before they can direct you? Thanks again! God bless you! 🙂
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He sounds like a great priest, he is perhaps very experienced in these things since he is older 🙂

in my understanding, the priest doesn’t necessarily have to be a trained spiritual director, as they might learn enough for that in seminary (depending on the seminary) but also they get experience just from directing people. I don’t think I’ve ever had a specifically “trained” priest outside of seminary, but they’ve all been very good.

What I heard is that some priests might want the person to first go to him for Confession for a bit before directing them, but others might not ask for that. I think knowing a priest for three months is probably fine. I didn’t really know my priest at all but one day I asked him for a meeting because I needed some help, and from that point he just started helping me, and eventually became my spiritual director! Most people just come up and ask 🙂

God bless!
 
Some priests may want to meet with you a few times before committing to becoming your spiritual director. This is to make sure the relationship will be a good fit.

My current priest spiritual director is very busy as a pastor and doesn’t direct many people at a time. He takes his time getting to know someone first. In my case, I asked him to be my regular confessor, and due to certain circumstances in my life at the time, I made an appointment once a month to meet with him for confession. After a few months it sort of morphed into spiritual direction.

Most priests don’t spend much time in seminary learning how to be spiritual directors. Some are very good at it and enjoy it and others do not enjoy it outside of confession. My spiritual director went on a sabbatical and was unavailable for a year and he suggested I find another priest for that year.

I asked three different priests. One said no, that he didn’t offer spiritual direction, one said yes, but after meeting with him a few times it was clear we were not a good fit. The third one said yes, and although his style was different from what I was used to, he was a good spiritual director.

Don’t be discouraged or take it personally if a priest says no. It likely has more to do with his schedule and obligations than anything you may have said or done.

The older priest sounds like a good choice. Have you been to confession with him and did he offer any advice in confession? Did you like his advice? If you haven’t been to confession with him you may want to try that first. You can always make an appointment for confession so you can meet with him face to face and he will have more time to provide advice.
 
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