When to help (or not help) the homeless

[KathyP]

A homeless man approached me while I was filling my van at a gas station the other night, asking for money. I told him I only used a credit card, and had no cash with me (I did have a couple of bucks in my purse, but I was afraid to get into my van to get it for him.) He persisted and asked me to buy him some groceries. He asked my name, and if I go to church, etc., and just kept rambling. After a couple of minutes, he gave up when i made an excuse to be on my way. But afterward, I felt kind of bad that I could have given him what I had and didn’t. On the one hand, I felt a bit wary of him and afraid that he might try to rob me. Also, if I did give him any money, would I be enabling him to buy drugs or alcohol? I give as much as I can to the many homeless shelters and soup kitchens in my city. But what to do when approached by an individual in this way? What would you have done?

 

[grace_singh]

if someone is approaching you, badgering you, demaning money or favors, etc. it is best to be safe, and politely refuse him. make sure you are able to get help if the person gets angry or violent, as this sometimes happens, especially if the person is under the influence.

there are better ways to help the homeless, like donating to shelters, food pantries, directing them to social services which can help and shelter them, or putting them in touch with emergency care centers.

but if someone comes up to you and is pushy and trying to intimidate you, it is best to keep a distance, and do exactly what you did. that is the safest move, and i’d say the wisest. :hug1:

 

[Apryl]

A homeless man approached me while I was filling my van at a gas station the other night, asking for money. I told him I only used a credit card, and had no cash with me (I did have a couple of bucks in my purse, but I was afraid to get into my van to get it for him.) He persisted and asked me to buy him some groceries. He asked my name, and if I go to church, etc., and just kept rambling. After a couple of minutes, he gave up when i made an excuse to be on my way. But afterward, I felt kind of bad that I could have given him what I had and didn’t. On the one hand, I felt a bit wary of him and afraid that he might try to rob me. Also, if I did give him any money, would I be enabling him to buy drugs or alcohol? I give as much as I can to the many homeless shelters and soup kitchens in my city. But what to do when approached by an individual in this way? What would you have done?

Sounds to me like you did all the right things.

You already give to the shelters and other programs which are there to help people in his situation… and you didn’t go into your purse making yourself vulnerable to any unnecessary physical threats.

As for what a person does with the money that you give him: it’s not your problem! If you do it because you are trying to be helpful, it’s not your doing if the recipient does wrong with the funds. You do what you can.

HOWEVER, you don’t HAVE to give them anything.

You have to be reasonable, and protect yourself. Are you a parent? You have to think of your children.

Maybe you could tell this person where he could go for assistance.

In the meantime: have a good night’s sleep!

 

[Sarabande]

I agree with the others. You definitely did the right thing. Yet, I totally understand why and how you were feeling. I grew up in what some people consider the “country”, so when I went to the big city for college which was not in the safest area (walk off campus and you could be held up, murdered, raped etc - which occurred before and while I attended university there - we’d usually have to be police escorted to the elementary schools in the area that we’d volunteer at), I always wanted to give what little money I had to the homeless population on our campus. I later learned which ones I could give to and which ones I should steer clear of after being suckered one too many times, verbally attacked if I could only offer some food that wasn’t to the liking of the person or threatened physically if I refused money, and also hearing of some of my classmates being robbed at gunpoint. The ones who really needed something to eat, would accept anything and be very kind and grateful. My friends and I did what we could to help these people. But as a young woman, I really did have to learn not to be too trusting and to protect myself, but it did go totally against what I wanted to do and was taught to do. I used to feel horrible when my gut told me not to trust the person, but God gave us intuition for a reason.

You are giving of yourself in safe, good ways. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

 

[Lutheranteach]

As harsh as it sounds, I never give the homeless money. I will, however, buy them a sandwich or give them extra food or drinks. Even coats and clothes. But never cash. I’m too worried it will go for drugs of booze.

 

[KathyP]

Thanks for your perspectives on this situation. I think I have a tendency to be a bit scrupulous at times, wondering if I’m doing the right thing and second-guessing my gut feelings. I just kept thinking - what would Jesus do? My 8 year-old daughter was sitting in the van as this man spoke to me, and as we were leaving she exclaimed, “Mom, you were talking to a stranger!” She apparently listens to her instincts better than I did!

Oh, and I slept fine last night.