When to say something

[Rainbow77]

I have a moral dilemna I wanted to get some suggestions on.

I have a cousin that I have been in contact with (only via email so far) for a few weeks. We started out kinda reintroducing ourselves to each other, as we hadn’t been in contact for many many years (over 15). I have learned many things about her that at first displeased me, then she stated things, as in a remiscining kind of way, about others in our extended family including my own siblings and parents. About my family, she was generous and nice. About others, not so much.

I was telling my mother and brother about these emails, and some of the stuff she said, not all of it. At first I didn’t want to divulge anything, for I find that to be sort of like gossip. But I mentioned some of the really kookier things my cousin said that were not too inflammatory about others, and my brother reacted in a highly negative way. His reaction is what concerns me now.

My brother told us of things that my cousin said and did many years ago (30+) and even one thing more recently that occurred at my father’s memorial mass 8 years ago. He does not like my cousin, hasn’t for a long time and I want to know what I should do.

Do I continue talking (via email) to her?
Do I consider that my brother’s feelings were hurt a long time ago, and tell her about that?

My goal with talking to her in the beginning was to find out how she was and what she is doing now. She is the one that brought up other people and some of the supposed deep dark family secrets. Many of which I have no idea are true or not.

I believe that I am at least giving witness to her about the role of Catholicism in my life. She converted to the Church but is now practicing another religion. She apparently has not been in contact with most of the family for several years because of some incident that involved many other people in her immediate family.

Is there any reason I should stay in contact? not stay in contact? avoid her?

What is my Catholic duty here?

Thanks for any and all considerations and suggestions in this matter.

 

[nicolep]

Do you feel comfortable talking to her? It seems like she might lead you to sin (gossiping about family). If you’re sure that she won’t, continuing may not be as big of a deal.

I wouldn’t say anything about your brother’s feeling to her. That would probably lead to a triangle of family “betrayal”. I believe that your heart is in the right place, but they are likely to see it differently.

In your situation, I would try to avoid the gossip while keeping in contact. Hopefully, that would bring her back to the Church. Maybe if you do not comment or react to any of the gossip, it would stop.

Best of luck!

 

[Trishie]

All this discord existed. Now you know about it. Could well be that this is a way God is using to get you to pray very seriously and ongoingly for your family. There’s a lot of hurt and unforgiveness in members of your family, and Jesus’ words in the gospels (and in the Lord’s Prayer regarding unforgiveness are consequential to their lives and salvation.

Youur peace of mind is important too. If you feel there is anything Jesus gently might say to her then I’m sure you’ll find a respectful way to…but the power and love of the Holy Spirit is the only One who can actually heal all this stuff.
Maybe for your peace of mind and spirit, let the emails peter out, but just get in touch occasionally in hope that your respectful and Christian emails plant something in her. It may not be possible to particularly like her or the way she speaks, but you do love the members of your family.

That’s just my thoughts. Trishie

 

[Caesar517]

I don’t see any reason why you should stop talking to your cousin unless it becomes an ossasion of sin for you. I think you should discourage her from saying rude things about others and continue to provide her with an example of a good Cathoic person. It may be a good idea to limit discussion of her with your family and vice versa to avoid touching bad feelings. Perhaps your family can be united again. I will remember your situation in my prayers.

 

[Tic_Toc]

This, uh…this really isn’t about Catholic duty here. It’d be Catholic duty if she started talking about suicide and stuff like that, but, uh…if you’re brother is offended by her, he doesn’t need to talk to her. If you talk to her, he can deal.

Uh. Wow.

The call is yours.

 

[Starwynd]

As for myself, I don’t let anyone choose my friends for me.

 

[Rainbow77]

Thanks Caesar for the prayers.

I think I will continue to dialogue with my cousin. Maybe even meet for lunch. I think going to her house might be a problem with her pagan paraphanalia around, since that is not something I am used to. If I went to a Jewish home, wouldn’t bother me to see Jewish things in the home, but pagan or magic stuff, that is something else.

The deal with my brother, I think I will follow the gist of you that posted, I will not tell her about what he said. I think that does not help my relationship with her, and it only continues the cycle of family discord, something I would be trying to end. Somehow, if possible.

My goal is not to cure all the family discord or put to an end all the family gossip about scandals that happened in the past. Most of it didn’t involve me, I have no proof of what did and didn’t happen, most of it happened before I was even a spark in my parent’s minds. So I think my goal is just to reignite a relationship with my cousin and deal with the outside reactions from my brother and others separately. I think I can do that without going a little crazy.

I think this is a great chance to practice charity, of which I have not done so well up to this point with some people in my life. So maybe God is giving me a chance to do it right and do it better than before !!

Thanks everyone.