When to stay together and when to nullify?

[HeavenSZent]

I have been married less than 2 years. We have a child from this marriage. My husband has told me the day after we got married that he regretted the marriage. He has said that he wanted a divorce about 40 times since (about every other week). He loves me than he hates me. He calls me the devil and everything else. He may be bipolar. At times, I feel I am too.

To be honest, my heart was never in this marriage either. I just wanted a father figure for my daughter (who is from a previous civil marriage). I was more concerned with having cultural unity (him being Hungarian) than having Christ the unifying force. Christ is the key essential ingredient that was missing. I think I have grounds to nullify this marriage

God is a good and just. I’m the one who is confused and messes things up because I think He was giving me signs all along that I chose to ignore.

For example, we did not consummate the marriage on the wedding night because of outside circumstance. The next day he screamed at me like an insane person. I could have gone to the priest who married us then and say it was a mistake. I wish I did.

Also, before we got married I did not disclose to the priest that I have a very strong emotional tie to someone else, let’s call him Mr. D. I felt a strong need to say it to the priest but I didn’t. This may have driven a wedge in the marriage, but Christ not being the center is the most important part.

You see, I met Mr. D in Medjugore at 14. So I always thought that Our Lady brought us together. And there was a deep friendship at which Christ was the center. But it’s like I was fighting God and rejecting His gift to me. (The reason I did that is because my mother is very controlling, fanatical and used religion as a punishment. For a long time, I had a great difficulty separating the image of God from my mother. So in rebelling against my mother, I pushed away God and also Mr. D. whom my mother adored.) I rebelled in the name of gaining my own identity. But what do you gain when you don’t have God? I gained nothing, and in coming back to God… I find my true identity and I find myself longing for my old spiritual friend.
My problem is trying to discern a few things:

1. Did I go against God’s will by not marrying Mr. D?
2. Do I stay in this marriage, even when there is no love and spiritual unity?
3. Is satan using my old feelings, tempting me? Because I’m so lonely…

I really thought I tried to make this marriage work. But without Christ being the center, this marriage keeps dying.

Any advice (given in love) is welcomed. Thanks.

 

[AnotherChance]

It sounds like a very difficult situation. Especially because there are children involved, my advice would be to make sure that any decision you make has nothing at all to do with Mr. D. You wouldn’t want to be nullifying your marriage because you think you are supposed to be with Mr. D. That would only lead to more pain. It sounds like there could be other grounds to make the marriage invalid. I did have my first marriage annuled, but would not feel qualified to judge your situation. Have you spoken to a priest about it?

 

[kage_ar]

Some counseling is the first thing, you have children involved and the best thing for them is to have mommy and daddy together.

.orgwww.retrouvaille is a way to help troubled marriages. Catholic Charities at your diocese can direct you to Catholic counselors.

One does not “nullify” a marriage.

Divorce, which should be the resort only in cases of abuse or crime, civil divorce takes place first.

Then a person can ask the Church to examine the marriage and see if a valid marriage was contracted at the wedding ceremony.

Having a crush on another man is a sign of immaturity, but, does not mean in and of itself that your marriage is null. Marriage is not based on romance nor on the secular idea of soul mates.

Do speak to your priest and begin conseling.

Praying that your marriage is saved.