When to take anger to confession

[LindaSK]

Is anger ever justified, and not a mortal sin? I am a very even tempered person. Honestly! Recent events did cause me to get angry at someone who was blatantly disrespectful. (Have you ever dealt with someone who is NEVER wrong, and NEVER says he is sorry?) I didn’t
stay angry, and I didn’t take my anger out on anyone else. I am just disappointed in him. I pray for him. He is not someone I can avoid. On numerous other occasions, this person has frustrated me, but, this time I have to admit to being angry - perhaps, the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. He tried to make a joke about it being my “dark side coming out”, but took no responsibility, or showed any remorse, for his words or actions. As you might imagine, that remark did not have a calming effect. I walked away.

I am reminded that even Jesus got angry. Is this something to take to the confessional?

 

[agnes_therese]

Is anger ever justified, and not a mortal sin? I am a very even tempered person. Honestly! Recent events did cause me to get angry at someone who was blatantly disrespectful. (Have you ever dealt with someone who is NEVER wrong, and NEVER says he is sorry?) I didn’t
stay angry, and I didn’t take my anger out on anyone else. I am just disappointed in him. I pray for him. He is not someone I can avoid. On numerous other occasions, this person has frustrated me, but, this time I have to admit to being angry - perhaps, the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. He tried to make a joke about it being my “dark side coming out”, but took no responsibility, or showed any remorse, for his words or actions. As you might imagine, that remark did not have a calming effect. I walked away.

I am reminded that even Jesus got angry. Is this something to take to the confessional?

As a general principle, I would say no – it wasn’t a deliberate act on your part, it was just a (natural) reaction. It certainly doesn’t meet the criteria for mortal sin. And you absolutely did the right thing in walking away.

Having said that, though, one of my own personal principles for confession is that if something I did bothers me, I’m going to mention it to Father.

That wasn’t very helpful, was it? But, my :twocents:

 

[powerofk]

Is anger ever justified, and not a mortal sin? I am a very even tempered person. Honestly! Recent events did cause me to get angry at someone who was blatantly disrespectful. (Have you ever dealt with someone who is NEVER wrong, and NEVER says he is sorry?) I didn’t
stay angry, and I didn’t take my anger out on anyone else. I am just disappointed in him. I pray for him. He is not someone I can avoid. On numerous other occasions, this person has frustrated me, but, this time I have to admit to being angry - perhaps, the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. He tried to make a joke about it being my “dark side coming out”, but took no responsibility, or showed any remorse, for his words or actions. As you might imagine, that remark did not have a calming effect. I walked away.

I am reminded that even Jesus got angry. Is this something to take to the confessional?

Anger, in and of itself, is not a sin. There is definitely such thing as “justified anger”. Jesus Himself was justified in being angry at the money-changers in the Temple. It wasn’t the fact that they were changing money that was the problem (as the only money allowed to purchase items for sacrifice in the Temple was the shekel, per Mosaic law), and the items being sold were items that were required for legitimate sacrifices (again, per Mosaic law). The problem, really, was that the moneychangers and sellers of sacrificial animals were profiting from their money-changing and selling of sacrificial animals. And many of the sacrifices were mandated by law. Pretty much, they were taxing and/or collecting interest on their own people for their own gain for something that their own people were required to do under the law. It was akin to a priest charging people money to go to Confession or receive the Eucharist. Of course the sellers of the sacrificial animals had the right to sell the animals (they put in the time and money into raising the animals, after all), but they had to sell the animals at the true price fixed in the law - without tipping the scales in their favor.

And Jesus wasn’t the first to get angry at the people in the Temple for doing this sort of thing. Almost all of the OT prophets mention similar practices going on in the Temple, and they ALL CONDEMNED the practice.

And of course, you can’t control your initial emotional response - it’s ingrained. It’s what you decide to do with that emotion that’s the problem. If you’re angry, do you latch on to your anger and let it control you? If so, then that is sinful. But if you look at your anger, see what’s bothering you, and either do something about it or decide that it’s not something to be angry about, then it’s not sinful.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

(Have you ever dealt with someone who is NEVER wrong, and NEVER says he is sorry?)

Every day

I confess anger pretty much every time I go to confession (every two weeks). I have been told by various confessors that anger in and of itself isn’t necessarily even sinful. The key is what we do with that anger. So if I get angry with the aforementioned person I see every day who is never wrong and never apologizes but I remain charitable in my thoughts, speech and actions, I’ve done well. If I blow up, however, then depending upon the circumstances as well as the nature and extent of the explosion I may indeed have something to confess.

Again, this is what I have been told by priests who know me well and are deeply familiar with my situation. YMMV.

…]one of my own personal principles for confession is that if something I did bothers me, I’m going to mention it to Father.

That wasn’t very helpful, was it? But, my :twocents:

I agree with this, and think it’s good advice for everyone.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Is anger ever justified, and not a mortal sin? I am a very even tempered person. Honestly! Recent events did cause me to get angry at someone who was blatantly disrespectful. (Have you ever dealt with someone who is NEVER wrong, and NEVER says he is sorry?) I didn’t
stay angry, and I didn’t take my anger out on anyone else. I am just disappointed in him. I pray for him. He is not someone I can avoid. On numerous other occasions, this person has frustrated me, but, this time I have to admit to being angry - perhaps, the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. He tried to make a joke about it being my “dark side coming out”, but took no responsibility, or showed any remorse, for his words or actions. As you might imagine, that remark did not have a calming effect. I walked away.

I am reminded that even Jesus got angry. Is this something to take to the confessional?

Anger is not a sin, but sometimes things we do when angry are sins.

Examples; violence, accusations, belittling, name calling, unjust aggression and attitudes etc…

If in doubt or uneasy about it if always recommend confession. It’s not like the priest says, “that’s not sinful get out of here”. He will help you in an appropriate way.

 

[LindaSK]

Thank you, Agnes Therese. I have received Communion since that happened. This has been on my mind, and I have prayed about it. If I still felt angry, I would certainly not present myself for Communion until I went to confession. If I am wrong, I also need to confess receiving Communion unworthily.

Do I go to confession to ask if I need to go to confession?

I would not have gotten angry if, when I told him that what he did was very disrespectful, he had said he was sorry, instead of mocking me. I could have forgiven him right then and there. How do you forgive someone who never does anything wrong? If I tell him that I forgive him, won’t it seem self-righteous since he cannot admit has has done anything wrong or hurtful? As I said, he is not someone I can avoid. I feel like I am always on my guard when he is around.

 

[Edmundus1581]

How do you forgive someone who never does anything wrong? If I tell him that I forgive him, won’t it seem self-righteous since he cannot admit has has done anything wrong or hurtful? As I said, he is not someone I can avoid. I feel like I am always on my guard when he is around.

This is always the problem with forgiving others. We can usually forgive someone who genuinely apologises. But a person in the wrong rarely apologises, and the people who most persistently harm other people are the ones who are also “never wrong”, and never apologise.

So, my understanding of Jesus strong and repeated commandment to forgive others is that it applies to everyone who has harmed us, not matter what they have done, and no matter whether there is an apology or not. He repeated it and emphasised it because he knows hard hard it if for us, and foreign to our nature and reasoning.

It’s very easy to advise others to forgive, but much harder to practice!

The most difficult experience of forgiveness I’ve ever had was for someone with a very high opinion of himself and a gift for sly words. He could never talk straight. He did me great harm in public with his words, in speaking well of me but actually humiliating me. He then sent me an email with a half-hearted apology which was really “Sorry if I hurt you, but what I said was true and needed to be said. But ‘so sorry’ anyway. Now you **must **forgive me because I’ve forgiven you”. So, the “apology” was worse than the offence.

A similar case is the person who kicks you in the gut, and then is “concerned” that you may have bad feelings about it - but he still wants to be friends if you can “get over it”!

Man, they can be tough to forgive!

 

[LindaSK]

Every day

I confess anger pretty much every time I go to confession (every two weeks). I have been told by various confessors that anger in and of itself isn’t necessarily even sinful. The key is what we do with that anger. So if I get angry with the aforementioned person I see every day who is never wrong and never apologizes but I remain charitable in my thoughts, speech and actions, I’ve done well. If I blow up, however, then depending upon the circumstances as well as the nature and extent of the explosion I may indeed have something to confess.

Usually, I just walk away upset. I get over it…until the next time. This time I admit I blew up, then walked away. My confessor says I am a ‘fixer’. It always has bothered me when people complain but don’t do anything to help correct a wrong. I try to find solutions.

Within a week of this ‘event, he unnecessarily gave someone else a hard time. I was able to help the other person he’ wronged. I also did my best to make sure what was done to me would not happen again, by going through proper channels and not behind his back as he had done to me. I always confess to pride. (I had JUST been to Confession the day before this happened!) I do know God is the Great Fixer, but, didn’t He put us here to help one another out, after going to Him in prayer?

 

[LindaSK]

The most difficult experience of forgiveness I’ve ever had was for someone with a very high opinion of himself and a gift for sly words. He could never talk straight…

Man, they can be tough to forgive!

Pretty close. This person has a keen way of manipulating words, and has two friends just like him. Amazing how they can play off one another and cut down anyone in their path if they choose. They had an agenda and did something without consideration for others - all behind closed doors. When I found out, I asked if he (top man on the totem pole) would make things fair for everyone. I gave him my suggestion, and he said it could be done. The following week, without any warning, he permitted public announcements that completely disregarded the request/solution I had proposed and that he had agreed to. So, yep, I got angry. I still went away and came up with a new solution (with the help of a committee this time) that was implemented. I went into it prepared to be told that my services were no longer required. I’m still there. I never got even a bad apology. None of us did, and, I’m pretty sure that none of us will.

 

[agnes_therese]

If I tell him that I forgive him, won’t it seem self-righteous since he cannot admit has has done anything wrong or hurtful? As I said, he is not someone I can avoid. I feel like I am always on my guard when he is around.

You can forgive him without saying it to him. I don’t think I would, unless a miracle happened and he asked for forgiveness. But it seems you’re right to be on your guard around him. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Edmundus1581]

Pretty close. This person has a keen way of manipulating words, and has two friends just like him. Amazing how they can play off one another and cut down anyone in their path if they choose. They had an agenda and did something without consideration for others - all behind closed doors. When I found out, I asked if he (top man on the totem pole) would make things fair for everyone. I gave him my suggestion, and he said it could be done. The following week, without any warning, he permitted public announcements that completely disregarded the request/solution I had proposed and that he had agreed to. So, yep, I got angry. I still went away and came up with a new solution (with the help of a committee this time) that was implemented. I went into it prepared to be told that my services were no longer required. I’m still there. I never got even a bad apology. None of us did, and, I’m pretty sure that none of us will.

Well done. I note that you learned the lesson and took preventative action next time. Smooth talkers are often able to rope people into the same mistake over and over. Not by saying sorry (unless they are really stuck!), but by presenting a slight change in the approach each time. “This time he seems to mean it”, we think.

This also means that you won’t have to forgive him over and over!

You can forgive him without saying it to him. I don’t think I would, unless a miracle happened and he asked for forgiveness. But it seems you’re right to be on your guard around him. Nothing wrong with that.

I agree entirely. Most people we have to forgive we never say it to their face - because they never say sorry. To say “sorry” to someone who hasn’t apologised can be a form of power play, or self-righteousness (as Linda noted).

 

[LindaSK]

I guess the reason it bothers me is that I know how he is, yet, I still allowed myself to be angry. I know my getting angry won’t change him. He’s pretty used to people being upset and angry with him and it hasn’t fazed him so far. I didn’t approach him in anger, but his reaction sent me overboard. How we respond to situations can change us, can cause us not to be in a state of grace. So, is a temporary lack of self-control a sin worthy of confession?

 

[Edmundus1581]

I guess the reason it bothers me is that I know how he is, yet, I still allowed myself to be angry. I know my getting angry won’t change him. He’s pretty used to people being upset and angry with him and it hasn’t fazed him so far. I didn’t approach him in anger, but his reaction sent me overboard. How we respond to situations can change us, can cause us not to be in a state of grace. So, is a temporary lack of self-control a sin worthy of confession?

I just like the old adage - when in doubt, confess it.

Your priest will be able to help you then.

It certainly doesn’t look like a mortal sin from here

 

[LindaSK]

Thank you all!

I know where I need to go, if for no other reason than to put this behind me and recover the peace I felt after my last confession.

A blessed rest of Lent, and Happy St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow,

Linda

 

[InThePew]

Is anger ever justified, and not a mortal sin? I am a very even tempered person.

I’d say that this is more a matter for Spiritual Direction rather than the confessional.
Anger is a natural human emotion and therefore a gift from God like all of our other feelings and emotions. What matters isn’t so much whether or not we get angry but rather how we deal with those feelings (or don’t, as the case may be). If we express it by taking it out on others through words or conduct that it something that can be sinful. At the same time, not getting angry by suppressing our emotions is unhealthy. While it’s probably more than a bit of a stretch to say that it’s a sin in itself, it can nonetheless set us on a path towards destructive (sometimes self-destructive) behaviour which can of course be sinful. Granted there are times when we can’t let our anger show but even then we need to find an outlet for it sooner rather than later.

 

[LindaSK]

I thought I would share this with you.

God indeed works in wonderful and mysterious ways! After praying about everyone’s good advice, I called a priest who has since ‘retired’ and moved out of the area. He did not suggest confession, but, that I pray the Serenity Prayer. I told him I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve prayed that prayer lately! He said, “Keep praying it!”

One of our local priests hears confessions before every daily Mass. I debated going to Mass that day, because I was playing for our Penance Service that evening. (I am an organist. When I play for the Penance Service, there is no opportunity for me to go to confession. Several area priests come, so it is also an opportunity for them to socialize in the rectory.) But, one of the things I decided to do during Lent was to go to Daily Mass one extra day every week, and this was the day, so, I went. I was considering going to confession before Mass, but, the line was too long. I told myself it wasn’t meant to be, that I would talk with Father after Mass. Then came Father’s homily. He began with a personal story about recent events that made a clear distinction between anger that was justified and anger that wasn’t! It hit so close to home. He had spoken with HIS confessor about HIS situation. His confessor told him to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries. Father told his confessor that he prays the Rosary all the time. His confessor repeated, “Pray the SORROWFUL Mysteries.” Then, he proceeded to discuss the scripture readings. I knew exactly why I was supposed to be at that Mass. There is no doubt in my mind that the Holy Spirit had a message for me in Father’s homily. After Mass, Father had to leave for an appointment so I couldn’t meet with him, but, his homily gave me the answer I needed, and had prayed for. He did greet us before he left. I told him his homily was meant for me. He credited the Holy Spirit. I truly believe that is the truth. There is no way Father could have known about my experience. I have had similar things happen in the past - hearing what I needed when I needed to hear it, but this went far beyond being a coincidence. I certainly felt lighter when I received Communion.

When I got home, I felt compelled to look the “Sorrowful Mysteries” up online. This site caught my attention right away - tldm.org/misc/sorrowful.htm. I have seen the Mysteries with various reflections and Bible verses. This has personal intentions and prayers for each mystery. I understand very well why Father’s confessor suggested them.

I will still go to confession again before Easter. To anyone who does not believe the Holy Spirit is still working among us, I will attest that He is alive and well! Thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts and insight with me.