When "tradition" creates division in families

[floresco]

Precisely. Especially when, if you’re like me, you discover the TLM later in life and want to share it with your family, it can be disheartening to find that they are reluctant to give it a chance.

This is why I worded my subject line as I did. I did not mean to sound as if I were blaming tradition. I love the traditions of the Church, in particular the TLM, very much. But a common situation, and one I am in myself, is that one spouse discovers and becomes excited by tradition, well into the marriage, while it leaves the other unmoved. No matter how successfully we work out such practical matters as Church attendance, it hurts when one can not share with the one’s family those things about which one is passionate.

While this situation has some parallels with that of mixed marriage, one significant difference is that it is possible that both spouses in a “mixed form marriage” are being good Catholics, obediently following Church teaching. It is important to keep this point in mind. It is likely to be harmful to a marriage when spouses think of themselves as better Catholics than the other.

And, while I do think that one form is better than the other, the Church allows both forms of Mass. I always need to be careful to distinguish my personal views from Church teaching (even in online discussions ) but especially in an intimate relationship like marriage. Going beyond the Church teaching to impose attendance at a form which leaves the other distressed is likely to cause serious problems.

 

[floresco]

Do you think that this precludes the fact that we’re also partners? To me the headship thing is just the fact of the matter; the partnership thing is the big tangible benefit that God blesses us with. We all are born alone and die alone, but in life I now have a best friend forever and a partner in everything, forever. I don’t understand how sacramental headship or practical leadership in any way diminishes or contradicts that. Can you explain why you think that (if that’s what you think-- that headship and partnership are contradictory)?

Thank you for writing so beautifully on this subject. The husband’s headship is not a topic that is well understood. How fitting that a Claire should clarify.

From what I have studied I have concluded that various ways of understanding marriage can be compatible with Church teaching. Whichever model of marriage we use, I do not think we can avoid difficulties when spouses go in different directions spiritually.