When Two Men Live Together

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Cupofkindness

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I have a delicate problem. I believe that two men on the staff a local Catholic school are homosexuals and I suspect that they live a gay lifestyle. Of course, since my children attend this school, I am extremely concerned about this situation. These men own a home together, that much I do know. And I hear (from reliable sources such as someone else who works there) that they are gay, apparently even some of the students at the school have figured this one out. I want to talk to the priest that runs the school, but I want to do so with my facts straight, with respect to Catholic teaching on this matter. Of course I know that I can’t prove anything, nor do I have any concerns that the behavior of these men has threatened the children at this school.

However, if even some of the school children know of this situation, this is terrible! To say the least! I mean, how can this school employ two men who most likely live together (after all, their address should be on file somewhere) and are possibly gay? This is upsetting at so many different levels. If a Catholic school is employing these men, what does that tell the student body about the Church’s teaching on homosexuality?

Even if this was a man and a woman living together, I’d be upset because it would still be fornication. And to the more savvy students, they would realize that they are contracepting. But this isn’t a hetrosexual couple…

You would think that in the wake of all of these lawsuits against the Church, any clear thinking priest would avoid this situation like the plague. Apparently not at this school!

I feel that I must talk to the priest in charge of this school. but from a theological/moral standpoint, I know that two men simply living together or owning a home together isn’t wrong.

I will add that this school is a large school that is not directly under the authority of the diocese, since it is run by an order. I have already spoken to my own parish pastor on the matter (a traditional Catholic priest who I respect), who agrees that it is a very bad situation, but feels that unless I have proof, I can’t do anything about it. So what should my approach be?

I must add that I would be grateful if a CA priest would weigh in on this matter.

Please keep me in your prayers, that the Holy Spirit will guide my words and actions. Thank you in advance for your gracious replies.
 
I would start with the Catechism…that is always a safe place whenever one is approaching a Catholic Institution on a subject of Faith or Morals or BOTH.

The problem, as I see it, is proving that these men are gay and that they are living a gay lifestyle. Owning a home together and living together is just not proof enough, and unless you are going to be able to provide actual proof that they are sexually active or (at least) actually living a gay lifestyle (pictures of them dancing at a gay bar, participating in a gay festival or some kind) you will simply be acting on rumors and innuendo.

One of the biggest problems I have faced in my life is that I am a single woman. I have been a widow for 18 years. Someone recently asked me why I still keep my husband’s name and refer to myself as Mrs. Klinger. I told them that, quite frankly, I did not want anyone assuming that I was a single woman because I am gay…

I travel and speak all over the country for my 12 Step program. I often take along a sponsee with me. They are always a female. We share a hotel room. I register as Mrs. Leslie Klinger, because I hope that by doing so those people at the front desk will not assume I am gay, travelling with my ‘partner’.

I am bringing this up only to caution you against jumping to conclusions. I know you are not any kind of homophobe or bigot. You are truly what your board name says, and you are a good Catholic Christian woman so please do not think I am scolding you…I’m not. Just be really careful, have all your facts in place before you approach the priest.

Does this make sense?
 
I would be very careful. You suspect that these men are gay, but you don’t know for sure that they are. They evidently haven’t made it public if they are. In such a case, it is probably best if their private lives remain private. It’s reasonable to assume that they are merely roommates and friends–nothing more.

I wouldn’t do or say anything about it.
 
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Cupofkindness:
Even if this was a man and a woman living together, I’d be upset because it would still be fornication. And to the more savvy students, they would realize that they are contracepting. But this isn’t a hetrosexual couple…
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This shows the danger of assumption. I rent a room from a female friend. We don’t live in fornication. I would be extremely careful in the way you are assessing things.
 
I would remind myself that teenagers love gossip and scandal, even with the best of intentions and not realizing how damaging it can be to those reputations at stake. Upon finding out that two male teachers live together, they may have just run away with assumptions and rumors like that spread very fast–even though unfounded.

I know a number of single people who work together or went to school together and also choose to live together. They are not gay, they are simply single and don’t want to live alone nor spend the extra money on rent or mortgage.

This is very dangerous territory…
 
After living in a dorm room with another guy for four years, I lived with other guys in several apartments until I married some four years after graduating. In those days no one even thought “Oh, oh, gay” in fact gay still meant light hearted and happy. Unless they are flaunting a “gay” lifestyle I would say please don’t feed the rumour mill.
 
Thank you for all of your replies. I don’t want to accuse people of a crime they didn’t commit, so your concerns are understandable. And, while people have roommates that are the same gender, it would be unusual for a couple of men to buy a pricey home together. Usually, one roommate owns the home and the other rents from the home owner.

What you must realize is that I have it from a reputable person who works at the school that these men, to put it in that person’s own words, are “flaming homosexuals.” No teenager told me that. And I believe this person. Thanks again!
 
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Cupofkindness:
Thank you for all of your replies. I don’t want to accuse people of a crime they didn’t commit, so your concerns are understandable. And, while people have roommates that are the same gender, it would be unusual for a couple of men to buy a pricey home together. Usually, one roommate owns the home and the other rents from the home owner.

What you must realize is that I have it from a reputable person who works at the school that these men, to put it in that person’s own words, are “flaming homosexuals.” No teenager told me that. And I believe this person. Thanks again!
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How do you know they both own the home?

On another note, I used to work with a gentleman that owned a home with another guy. Both were divorced and confirmed bachelors. They went in together and bought a house at the nearby recreational lake. I can tell you they are the furhterist thing from gay.
 
I know because it’s a matter of public on-line records that I have seen.
 
Word of mouth, no matter how reliable is not enough to perpetuate a rumour. Like LSK said, if you could provide PROOF, then you’d have something to go with.
 
But even though I don’t have proof, why should that prevent me from speaking to the priest about this matter?

If these rumors are true, then this is a very grave situation. These men a living a lifestyle with children who are in that school because their parents want them away from this sort of immorality. If the students know it, then the students may well see some hypocracy, that what the Church teaches is unimportant. If these men are gay, it isn’t a secret. People know right now. I see it as a wolf in sheep’s clothes sort of situation. Do we wait until someone, like a child, sees something inappropriate?

We are talking about men in a leadership role at a Catholic school. Even if there are rumors present, this matter needs to be addressed and perceptions corrected if these men are in fact leading chaste lives.

Are all of you telling me that I would be wrong to speak to the priest running the school?
 
CupofK…this info you have is plain gossip. I think the people here are telling you that you need to have more than rumor before you go accusing someone. And I can’t speak for everyone, but I think that until you have something more substantial, I would leave the matter alone and not bother the priest.
 
I have a male friend who lived with another male. They bought a house together to save themselves losing money on rent. They ended up selling the house because of rumors just like this one.

However unlikely, it is possible.
 
i have a problem with this topic due to the fact that most people are hipocrits, the bible tells us to love one another and our neighbor, you clearly have a problem with that, i do realize the bible says that homosexuality is wrong, but what people do in the bedroom is **none **of your business. im sure your children do not go around school telling their friends what you do in your home, you should mind your own business, as long as those gentlemen are not hurting the children or telling everyone of their personal situation who are you to divulge that information. what if you were gay or whatever and you realize the society we live in and how it looks, would you want some ignorant person like yourself to tell everyone your business as long as you are not hurting anyone and it stays in the confines of your home. i think that you should stop worring about other peoples business so much and take care of your own life.
 
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mikec1:
i have a problem with this topic due to the fact that most people are hipocrits, the bible tells us to love one another and our neighbor, you clearly have a problem with that, i do realize the bible says that homosexuality is wrong, but what people do in the bedroom is **none **of your business. im sure your children do not go around school telling their friends what you do in your home, you should mind your own business, as long as those gentlemen are not hurting the children or telling everyone of their personal situation who are you to divulge that information. what if you were gay or whatever and you realize the society we live in and how it looks, would you want some ignorant person like yourself to tell everyone your business as long as you are not hurting anyone and it stays in the confines of your home. i think that you should stop worring about other peoples business so much and take care of your own life.
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This self-righteous finger waving post is out context and inappropriate for this thread. :tsktsk: I commend Cupofkindness in asking a sincere question to a delicate situation. Go take your finger waving elsewhere, please.
 
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Cupofkindness:
But even though I don’t have proof, why should that prevent me from speaking to the priest about this matter?

If these rumors are true, then this is a very grave situation. These men a living a lifestyle with children who are in that school because their parents want them away from this sort of immorality. If the students know it, then the students may well see some hypocracy, that what the Church teaches is unimportant. If these men are gay, it isn’t a secret. People know right now. I see it as a wolf in sheep’s clothes sort of situation. Do we wait until someone, like a child, sees something inappropriate?

We are talking about men in a leadership role at a Catholic school. Even if there are rumors present, this matter needs to be addressed and perceptions corrected if these men are in fact leading chaste lives.

Are all of you telling me that I would be wrong to speak to the priest running the school?
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Exactly WHAT would satisfy you? Do you want the men in question to tell you to your face that they are straight? Do you want them to sign an OATH that they are not engaging in any “bad behavior”? If a priest would vouch for them, is that enough?

What if you are wrong in your thinking and the rumors are just that? Will you apologize to them?
 
Out of curiosity, how come the concerned person who told you these men were “flaming homosexuals” doesn’t take this piece of information to the priest? Especially since he or she works there.

Are you sure you aren’t being set up here?
 
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mikec1:
i have a problem with this topic due to the fact that most people are hipocrits, the bible tells us to love one another and our neighbor, you clearly have a problem with that, i do realize the bible says that homosexuality is wrong, but what people do in the bedroom is **none **of your business. im sure your children do not go around school telling their friends what you do in your home, you should mind your own business, as long as those gentlemen are not hurting the children or telling everyone of their personal situation who are you to divulge that information. what if you were gay or whatever and you realize the society we live in and how it looks, would you want some ignorant person like yourself to tell everyone your business as long as you are not hurting anyone and it stays in the confines of your home. i think that you should stop worring about other peoples business so much and take care of your own life.
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Actually, what people do in their bedrooms is my buisness. Especially in matters concerning sex outside of marriage. I pay the taxes that support thousands of families on welfare that have no father in the home to support his children. I pay taxes for the medical care of millions of people who do not have medical insurance, and that medical care includes funds for the treatment of STDs and AIDS. I pay taxes to support the police department that polices sexually oriented businesses and crimes against other citizens. So what people do in their private lives is my business, because I’m affected by it. What happens in this instance behind closed doors is something I don’t even want to think about. As for me and my children, what happens behind my bedroom doors is what God has planned for humanity: two parents with young kids who are so exhausted every night they’re asleep before their heads even hit the pillow! That is His plan, right?

But back to what I was saying, I don’t mind paying those taxes, people need this sort of support, and thankfully we live in a society that is wealthy enough to provide some standard of care. However, what we choose as a society affects everyone in it. Not only financially, but also spiritually. And let me tell you in no uncertain terms that this situation is agony for me. I am responsible for my children’s souls before God, not these two men. It is my job to protect my children, and if I need to remove them from this school I will do so. But not without a word to the people in charge. And thank you, felra, for your gracious support.
 
The solution to this problem is simple. Directly confront the men in question. Only then will you know what the likely truth is and how to proceed.
 
What do I want? Isn’t this obvious? I’m sorry that people are gay and I have no doubt that it’s one of the heaviest crosses a human has to bear. Let me make myself clear: I want any sexually active single adults to be away from impressionable children who are old enough to understand what’s going on! Wouldn’t you want that for your children? I want the Church’s teachings on pre-marital sex to be cherished and followed in every corner of the Catholic world. I want the Catholic Church in her many facets to love the sinner/hate the sin, and not to have sexually active homosexuals in positions of leadership/authority/influence over Catholic school children. Does this sound unreasonable? Am I being unrealistic here?

And no, Abby, I’m not being set up. Really, I’m getting this information from very good sources.
 
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