When we doubt God's love and mercy

[Trishie]

Forgive my judging of You, Lord (because this is what we are basically doing when we doubt God’s mercy.)

Lord God, forgive me when I judge You in my heart…because Your response appears delayed or absent, I may in my concern or grief begin to doubt Your willingness to assist someone I yearn to help. Forgive me when I doubt the reality of Your personal love for each of us.

To judge Your merciful love, by lack of sustained trust and hope in You, makes me feel miserable, helpless, and unworthy, Lord God. I am taught that You are supreme love and goodness. Therefore, it is only my lack of wisdom and insight, taunted with human weakness and pain, that causes my disillusion and doubt. Please forgive me, and if You will, help me to grow past such judgement of Your compassion and power.

Pardon those times when—even as I acknowledge that You love each person and that each person is Your favourite—I nevertheless judge that You cannot love me so much. Forgive me when—while I acknowledge that You understand and forgive all—I feel that I am too insignificant, too petty of being, too muddied in prayer and fault, for this to really apply to me.

Within myself I see a poor person indeed. However I know that Your mercy embraces all of these things, but I cannot always feel that it does. Please forgive me, and pardon those of my dear ones and of all individuals who judge You unjustly, and who abandon You in their discouragement.

 

[Trishie]

Forgive me when I feel abandoned and alone—for at such times I may have no trust or hope in You. Forgive me when I feel desperately helpless to obtain assistance and blessings and graces for others. I see needs and hurts in them and in their lives that grieve my heart. Where I cannot help, or can only give token support or assistance, I cry from my soul to You for them.

Sometimes another’s need is so immediate and serious that I feel impatient and desperate for their sake. How immature my spirit is, Lord, for I sometimes then feel towards You as a frustrated child! I yearn for real help for genuine needs and difficulty and pain. I doubt You and judge You wanting in Your kindness when You go about Your more obscure and wise fashion.

I present to You the heartache I have felt so deeply throughout my life. I offer You all the tears I have shed over the years for loved ones, and for anyone suffering. I offer my pity for all suffering Creation. If I have judged Your mercy in my sorrow, please kindly accept my heartache and numerous tears as prayer for others, but also in reparation for my inappropriate and unjust response to Your seeming inaction.
Your gently-evolving action in lives and events sometimes seems of little comfort in times of grief and anxiety in the lives of dear ones and even of strangers

 

[Trishie]

Does my lack of unconditional trust retard Your action in the lives and situations that require my intercession, Lord? Please do not allow my insufficiency to retard Your action in anyone’s life. Allow no one to lack for my unworthiness and fault. Be merciful, knowing that I can only be the inadequate and remiss person that I honestly am, unless You make it otherwise.

Lord although I desire it, unless my nature changes I cannot sincerely promise never again to judge Your mercy towards those I urgently pray for in their needs and sorrows. If You wish to change me, please give me spiritual maturity Lord! Please give me powerful faith and hope to obtain all things of You for others and self! Whether or not You transform me as a better vehicle of intercession and blessing for others, or I already am as You intend, in my poverty, please let Your will be truly fulfilled in the lives of those I love and pray for, and in my own.

Our God, please forgive that I sometimes judge Your mercy. Heal my spirit in trust. Forgive and heal all persons who judge You in their disappointment, pain, and doubt. Empower them with love, trust, hope and charitable deeds that lead souls to You. I thank and praise You for the good that You intend, and shall bring out of the difficult situations and the sufferings of our dear ones, of others, and our own.
October 1999