When you can't share your faith

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sticknstring73

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I am and have been in a relationship with another cradle Catholic and last year, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt the need to complete and entered RCIA; last Easter I was confirmed.

Something I didn’t count on was that this would make me reevaluate much of my life; past choices and how I am living it now. My aspirations for my relationship have become more serious.

Surprisingly my girlfriend does not share these ideas. In fact my turn to Catholicism is kind of cute to her as long as I do not really ask her to participate. For her Catholicism means the repression of women and is a lot of backward thinking as she is very much pro-choice. She has been to mass with me twice but refuses to participate. I feel very bad about this because even though we have both changed throughout the years we’ve been together I’m not sure who has changed more radically.

My point and question is how do you share my faith with someone who is clearly not understanding or wants to understand where you are coming from? She has a close friend who recently lost the faith and has no interest in getting it back, at this point she has much more earthly support on her side than I do.

Recently I was reading some of the writings of Charles de Foucauld; I cannot find the exact quote but somewhere he says that once you hear the gospel, really hear it, and it touches you; you really cannot turn away from it and it really takes over. This is very much how I feel. No backsies with the Holy Spirit.
 
Your faith is not compatible with your relationship with this woman.

One will have to go…
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Your faith is not compatible with your relationship with this woman.

One will have to go…
Click to expand...
This.

It’s truly unfortunate that she cannot see what you see.

You cannot pursue a relationship with someone and hope that they will convert.

You can share the faith with her…that is for certain. You can demonstrate that this is who you are and it is the most important aspect of your life.

But you cannot expect her to convert. That is ultimately up to the Holy Spirit and her.

Think about what would happen if she never converted. Think about marriage and children with her.
Would it work?
 
I know this may be jumping the gun but in marriage each person is supposed to help the other get to heaven. One person may not be as ‘far’ in their faith as the other but maybe with time will be. I would take time to see how time changes the course of things and get to know your girlfriend better to see if maybe she will possibly grow in her faith to understand and believe in Church teachings. If she cares about you enough she should give it that effort.
 
I’m a lady, but, if I were a guy, I don’t think I’d be able to be married to a pro-choice woman without living with the fear that she might decide to abort my child and there would be nothing I could do to stop it.
 
sticknstring73 said:
I am and have been in a relationship with another cradle Catholic and last year, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt the need to complete and entered RCIA; last Easter I was confirmed.

Something I didn’t count on was that this would make me reevaluate much of my life; past choices and how I am living it now. My aspirations for my relationship have become more serious.

Surprisingly my girlfriend does not share these ideas. In fact my turn to Catholicism is kind of cute to her as long as I do not really ask her to participate. For her Catholicism means the repression of women and is a lot of backward thinking as she is very much pro-choice. She has been to mass with me twice but refuses to participate. I feel very bad about this because even though we have both changed throughout the years we’ve been together I’m not sure who has changed more radically.

My point and question is how do you share my faith with someone who is clearly not understanding or wants to understand where you are coming from? She has a close friend who recently lost the faith and has no interest in getting it back, at this point she has much more earthly support on her side than I do.

Recently I was reading some of the writings of Charles de Foucauld; I cannot find the exact quote but somewhere he says that once you hear the gospel, really hear it, and it touches you; you really cannot turn away from it and it really takes over. This is very much how I feel. No backsies with the Holy Spirit.
Click to expand...
I’m so sorry for you because I understand that heartbreak of no longer being on the same page as your loved ones when you find Faith. It hurts! Not only that but when the people you love pull away (or worse) because of your new found love for Christ- you can tell they find it repulsive when it means everything to you since it brought so much joy and peace- you just want to share it and everyone else be just as joyful and saved. Its so confusing when they don’t see and don’t seem to want to understand.

All I can say is don’t rock the boat… take one day at a time. What will fall away, will… none of us are in control of what happens. Take solace in Romans 8:28. Keep seeking Christ. Its in Him- and only in Him that we are all truly unified in love in a solid safe way.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Your faith is not compatible with your relationship with this woman.

One will have to go…
Click to expand...
Stick with Jesus. If He calls you to marriage, either He will give you the grace to lead this woman to Him or He will bring you one who will make the journey with you. Pray pray pray.
 
redbetta said:
I’m a lady, but, if I were a guy, I don’t think I’d be able to be married to a pro-choice woman without living with the fear that she might decide to abort my child and there would be nothing I could do to stop it.
Click to expand...
That’s a legitimate fear, but even the horror of abortion is not irreconcilable with God. I have met many women who after 1 abortion were now fully aware of its horrors are scarred and need love and strength to move past this. This, again is an issue of, could you lead this woman to salvation?
 
Karen107 said:
I know this may be jumping the gun but in marriage each person is supposed to help the other get to heaven. One person may not be as ‘far’ in their faith as the other but maybe with time will be. I would take time to see how time changes the course of things and get to know your girlfriend better to see if maybe she will possibly grow in her faith to understand and believe in Church teachings. If she cares about you enough she should give it that effort.
Click to expand...
I am leaning this way, but I also know that it just might not work anymore. Time will tell I suppose. Thank you all for your feedback on this. I currently do not have many seriously catholic friends yet. Perhaps as that changes it might force the issue.
 
I think you are being wise to take your time and see how you are led.

I am in the same situation, but married. Any discussion about faith becomes a real stumbling block for my husband, and so I remain silent. It has created a very real distance between us; it’s natural to want to share THE most important thing in your life, with your life partner.

It is also difficult for me to volunteer or to step into certain ministries if they are obviously faith-related. I feel somewhat cut off from my local church because of this, unable to join organizations that might feed my faith. However, I do find other ways to serve Him in the community, as long as it isn’t “church-related.”

In some ways, I suppose I’ve grown in my faith with this trial, leaning on God where I may have leaned on my husband. But it is often lonely for me, and it saddens me that I can’t pray with my husband. 😦

Take care and be prayerful; I pray that your example is a shining light for her and sparks her faith too! :cool:
 
My husband of 33 years is not Catholic. He is a good man but he has never had the disposition to “become” Catholic. We raised our children Catholic and he continues to attend church with me. He is very supportive of my involvement in the church and he has not once complained, questioned, etc. me about anything related to my faith.

He is a wonderful man. There are times that I wish he were Catholic but we would not be married nor have the life that we have if I had decided that I had to “marry Catholic”.

I am definitely the more “public” person in regards to my faith but I personally feel that my husband is probably the least sinful, most “GOOD” person in our marriage and I admire him tremendously.

There are a lot of key questions that need to be answered for you and your girlfriend but I want you to know that it can work . Neither my husband or I feel that we have given something up in regards to our belief in God and our unified devotion to him.

Hugs!
 
Although we are supposed to evangelize, that does not mean we are appointed to run and judge other people’s faith, and journey towards God – especially our spouse.

Your example will be what effects your future wife’s faith, more than your beliefs or experiences.

When I got married, I was more active in my church than my wife. Now the reverse is true.

My wife is Protestant, and I am Catholic.

Over the years I have done what I could to encourage her own journey, and the journey she chose is not the same as mine.

Certainly, if you were considering marriage, discussion of whether you each would support your children’s Catholic education and Sacraments is appropriate; however, expecting your wife to follow each step you take as you take it, is not.

Good luck.
 
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